Part 19 (1/2)

'You mean-they were the people who used to employ you.'

'That's right.'

'And-you went to see him?'

Jake nodded. 'I did.'

'And?'

He shook his head. 'What do you think?'

'You couldn't get your old job back again.'

His laugh was cynical. 'Oh, Joanna! If only it were that simple.'

'I don't understand.'

'Nor do I. That's the trouble!'

At last she began to see what he was getting at. 'You mean-you couldn't cope with the mechanics of it?'

'Mechanics?' He gave her a wry look. 'We're not talking about mechanics, Joanna. We're talking about electronics. Gordon-he gave me a circuit layout of a new calculator they're designing, and you know what? It was like Greek to me!' He shook his head.

'Greek!'

'Does it matter?'

She looked at him appealingly, and he had to drag his eyes away from the yielding temptation she represented. 'It matters to me,' he said violently. 'It matters to me.'

'Why?'

'Why?' He was forced to look at her then. 'Joanna, don't make this any harder. I have little enough to offer you, G.o.d knows, but I thought, if I could take up my work, be able to offer you a decent home, a decent standard of living -'

Joanna stared at him. 'You mean-you mean you came down to London because of me? Because you wanted to prove yourself to me?''

'Haven't I just said so?' he muttered heavily. 'G.o.d knows, I tried not to think about you, but after you'd gone, I thought I was going out of my mind!'

Joanna shook her head. 'You really came here because of me?'

Jake bent his head. 'What do you want me to do? Draw you a picture?'

'No!' Joanna was near to tears. 'Just-just tell me that you love me.

That's the only thing that matters.'

Jake's eyes lingered on the tremulous curve of her mouth.

'You know I love you,' he said, though the words were dragged from him.

'Why the h.e.l.l else did I send you away?'

Joanna pushed herself towards him, pressing her face into the muscular expanse of his chest, fingers probing the b.u.t.tons of his s.h.i.+rt. 'That's not a good enough reason for me,' she exclaimed, sniffing uncontrollably. 'Oh, Jake, I won't let you ruin both our lives, just for the sake of a stupid micro-circuit! If we have to live in a barn, I don't care just so long as it's with you, so stop killing yourself and me by being so-so stubborn!'

'You have to give me time,' he muttered huskily, aroused in spite of himself. 'Gordon's given me some work to do- simple stuff, mostly, but it'l prove once and for all what I can or can't do.'

'Let me help you,' she pleaded, lifting her head. 'We can be together -'.

'No.'

'What do you mean-no?'

'I mean, I have to do this alone, Joanna. I can't ask you to share my life as it is -'

'You're a fool!' Joanna was desperate now, drawing back from him, aware of the loosened b.u.t.tons of her s.h.i.+rt, the irresistible allure of her exposed flesh. 'What am I supposed to do while you prove yourself? Wait for you? Hang about here, waiting for something that may never happen- I love you, Jake. I need you.'

'Give me time,' he groaned tautly. 'Joanna; -'

'No!' She would prove to him that she could be as stubborn as he was. 'Either you want me or you don't. And if you don't, someone else -'

'No one else,' he commanded savagely, grasping her shoulders and shaking her. 'I couldn't stand that. The thought of you and some other man. Even Trevor -'

'Paul?' Joanna arched her brows. 'Oh, yes, Paul. I wonder how he -' , But she didn't finish the sentence. Unable to resist the combined force of her beauty and his own jealousy, Jake hauled her to him, covering her mouth with his own in a rough, primitive embrace.

'All right,' he said against her lips, his breath almost suffocating her, 'you win. I can't take the chance that you might find someone else in my absence.'

'There is no one else,' she breathed, unb.u.t.toning his s.h.i.+rt so that the hair-roughened skin of his chest was sc.r.a.ping her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. 'Mmm, that's nice, isn't it? Hold me. Hold me closer. I never want to be apart from you again.'

'You won't be,' he muttered, turning so that she was lying beside him on the couch. 'That is, if your mother and Aunt Lydia, or even my sister, don't succeed in changing your mind.'

Joanna's slender fingers twined in the hair at his nape. 'Will they change yours?'

Jake gave a helpless shake of his head. 'Where is your mother anyway? What if she comes in and finds us like this?'

'She's away-until Sunday,' murmured Joanna, faint colour invading her cheeks at the idea that had just occurred to her.

'Why don't you stay here tonight, too? It would save you having to come back in the morning.'

Jake's eyes narrowed. 'Is that what you want?'

'Is it what you want?'

His grimace was faintly humorous. 'Oh, Joanna, you know what I want.'

Her breathing was forced and shallow. 'Show me ...'

He hesitated for a moment, his hand running possessively along the inner curve of her thigh, and then, with a muttered denial, he rolled on to his back. 'Joanna, there's no turning back, you know. If-if I make love to you, I shan't let you go.'

'Did I ask you to?'

'But you're so-inexperienced,' he exclaimed harshly, as she levered herself up to look down at him.