Part 2 (1/2)

Peri said, 'They've basically got just one really big computer, right?' Bob nodded. 'Well, where do they keep that? Do they keep all their computer stuff in the same place?'

Bob squinted for a moment, and then broke into a grin. 'I have a nice idea,' he said. 'Let's buy the lady a present.'

'Do you do this sort of thing a lot?' said Peri.

'You should have seen what we got up to in '75.'

Peri had made her share of phoney phone calls as a kid. But this was not the same thing. She kept picking up the phone, getting out of breath, and putting it back down again.

'Remember; they don't know where the h.e.l.l you're calling from,' said Bob. 'They can't see you, they don't know who you are.' Easy for him to say. All he'd done was dial up the college computer and spend fifteen minutes messing around before he unplugged his computer and handed her the receiver.

You've faced a lot worse than this, Peri told herself. But none of her adventures on the road seemed as real right now as ripping off a computer supplies company.

You ask for what you want, and you get it. She punched in the number. 'TLA,' announced a cheerful voice. 'This is Alice speaking.'

'Well h.e.l.lo.' said Peri. 'I'm calling from Gallifrey Computer Supplies. We're new in the area, and we were wondering if you'd be interested in trying out some of our new specials.'

'I'm afraid we already have a contract with a supplier,'

said the receptionist smoothly.

'Oh can I ask who that is?' Peri scribbled down the name: Keyworth Computers. 'Well, if you're ever shopping around for great prices, just give us a call.'

She put the phone down, grinning like a teenager on champagne. 'Piece of cake,' said Bob.

But now there was a much more difficult call to make. Peri chewed on her bottom lip while Bob flipped through the White Pages. 'They can't see you,' he reminded her.

'I'm OK,' said Peri, dialling. 'Hi,' she said faintly when a voice answered. She cleared her throat. 'Hi, Trina. This is Alice calling from TLA. We need a Lisp Machine right away I mean, like five minutes ago.'

She put her hand over the mouthpiece. 'She's checking if they have one,' she hissed. 'What are we gonna do if they don't have one?' Bob just shook his head, waving his hands at the phone. 'h.e.l.lo? You've got one in stock. Great. Look, can I send one of our technicians over to collect it? It's super urgent.

The boss is really riding me on this one.'

Peri broke into a relieved smile. 'Yeah, that's what she's like, all right I dunno what they do with all this stuff. They're probably playing video games up there.' Bob looked scandalised. 'OK. OK. You can call Robert Link in Projects to confirm the order.' She rattled off a number. 'I'll send a couple of guys over there as soon as you do. Thanks I mean it. You've saved my life.'

She put the phone down and collapsed in the chair. 'Oh my G.o.d,' she said. 'Oh my G.o.d oh my G.o.d oh my G.o.d.'

'I told you,' said Bob. 'If you sound confident and friendly and in a hurry, people will do anything for you.' He stared at the ceiling as he thought out loud. 'Our next problem is making you look like a delivery guy.'

Peri looked at him blankly. 'I need you to help me move that computer,' said Bob. 'And once we get into the TLA, building, I'll set it up while you look around. It's the perfect cover.'

'It's not really stealing, is it?' said Peri. 'We're not gonna keep the thing.'

The phone rang. Bob coolly reached over and picked it up.

'TLA; he said, his voice suddenly, surprisingly deep. 'This is Robert Link, can I help you?'

Peri heard Trina's voice again, this time as a tinny murmur in Bob's ear. 'Yes. Yes, that's right. Can you expedite that for me? Yes. Yes, good. Thank you.' He hung up without saying goodbye.

'What just happened?' said Peri.

'The receptionist at Keyworth Computers called back to double-check the order. I forwarded Robert Link's phone to our phone.' He tapped the plastic of the hotel telephone. 'Now she'll be convinced we're legitimate. Let's get going.'

'Why do I have to dress up like a guy!?' said Peri.

'Oh come on,' said Bob.

'Oh come on, what?'

A girl like you, delivering heavy computer equipment?

No-one will believe that.'

'Well, what are we supposed to do? Stick a moustache on me?' The grin was on Bob's face just long enough for her to notice. 'Oh my G.o.d,' Peri said again.

They stuck a moustache on her.

Peri pushed her bleached hair up under a baseball cap and pulled on a pair of red overalls. Luckily for their ruse, her slight figure was convincingly boyish once they'd stuffed a couple of folded pillowslips down her front to pad out her belly. She wiped off her makeup and cut her long nails.

Their first stop was the university, where Bob swapped his car for a van no-one was using at the time. He found a pair of faded lime-green overalls which just about fit him, and added a baseball cap to match Peri's. On their way to the supply company, Bob pulled in at a party store. He emerged with a reddish-blonde stick-on moustache in a plastic bag. Peri attached it and stared at herself in the mirror on the back of her sunshade. With the cap pulled down over her face, she could possibly be mistaken for a teenage boy with unusually clear skin. Wish you could see me now, Doctor, she thought.

She spoke in the deepest, most gravelly voice she could manage. 'How do I sound?' Bob just stared at her. 'You better do the talking,' she said weakly.

It had been an hour since the call to Keyworth Computers.

They ran into the lobby, looking panicked, Bob pus.h.i.+ng an upright trolley. 'We are in deep trouble,' Bob told Trina. 'The boss wanted this new machine installed an hour ago, and we were out on another call.' Trina asked for the invoice.

Smoothly, Bob said, 'Oh, no. Didn't the courier get here before us? I can't believe these guys. Do you mind if I use your phone?'

He spent a minute shouting down the phone at a nonexistent secretary. Peri slouched, shoved her hands into her pockets, and kept her gaze on the floor. She could feel the woman's eyes on her. She had a sudden, itching urge to giggle. This was so ridiculous.

'She says she's only just handed it to the courier,' sighed Bob. 'The boss is going to barbecue us.'

Trina had dealt with Swan in person a couple of times; she knew these 'workers' could easily lose their jobs if they didn't keep her happy. 'Listen if I can get your signature now, I can match it up with the invoice when it gets here.'

'You're sure? That'd be great. ' Bob scrawled something illegible at the bottom of a form. Trina handed him their carbon and pointed them to a huge cardboard box.

Peri helped Bob load up the trolley. She could feel her 'belly' slipping inside the overalls, and the fake moustache was itching as though a spider was crawling around under her nose. At any moment, she was certain, the woman would expose them both for the con artists they were.

This was not, in short, her idea of glamorous, high-tech computer crime.

They loaded the new computer into the borrowed van, rolled up at the TLA building, and manhandled their purloined package up to the main doors. Bob tapped on the gla.s.s, and the receptionist buzzed them in. A security guard lounged next to the water cooler, leaning on the wall while he talked to the receptionist. Peri looked away from the gun hanging at his hip.