Part 6 (1/2)
”I mean, what do you mean by them?”
”Oh, I put 'ha! ha!' when they giggle, and 'he! he!' when they only chuckle.”
”Then this is a caricature, my lady?”
”No, dear, you know I have no satire in me; it is taken down to the letter, and I fear I must trouble you for the solution.”
”Well, the solution is, they are three fools.”
”No, uncle, begging your pardon, they are not,” replied Lucy, politely but firmly.
”Well, then, three d--d fools.”
Lucy winced at the participle, but was two polite to lecture her elder. ”They have not that excuse,” said she; ”they are all sensible women, who discharge the duties of life with discretion except society; and they can discriminate between grave and gay whenever they are not at a party; and as for Mrs. Luttrell, when she is alone with me she is a sweet, natural love.”
”They cackled--at every word--like that--the whole evening!!??”
”Except when you told that funny story about the Irish corporal who was attacked by a mastiff, and killed him with his halberd, and, when he was reproached by his captain for not being content to repel so valuable an animal with the b.u.t.t end of his lance, answered--ha! ha!”
”So, then, he answered 'Haw! haw!' did he?”
”Now, uncle! No; he answered, 'So I would, your arnr, if he had run at me with his tail!' Now, that was genuine wit, mixed with quite enough fun to make an intelligent person laugh; and then you told it so drolly--ha! ha!”
”They did not laugh at _that?”_
”Sat as grave as judges.”
”And you tell me they are not fools.”
”I must repeat, they have not that excuse. Perhaps their risibility had been exhausted. After laughing three hours _a propos de rien,_ it is time to be serious out of place. I will tell you what they _did_ laugh at, though. Miss Malcolm sang a song with a t.i.tle I dare not attempt. There were two lines in it which I am going to misp.r.o.nounce; but you are not Scotch, so I don't care for _you,_ uncle, darling.
”'He had but a saxpence; he break it in twa, And he gave me the half o't when he gaed awa.'
”They laughed at that; a general giggle went round.”
”Well, I must confess, I don't see much to laugh at in that, Lucy.”
”It would be odd if you did, uncle, dear; why, it is pathetic.”
”Pathetic? Oh, is it?”
”You naughty, cunning uncle, you know it is; it is pathetic, and almost heroic. Consider, dear: in a world where the very newspapers show how mercenary we all are, a poor young man is parted from his love. He has but one coin to go through the world with, and what does he do with it? Scheme to make the sixpence a crown, and to make the crown a pound? No; he breaks this one treasure in two, that both the poor things may have a silver token of love and a pledge of his return. I am sure, if the poet had been here, he would have been quite angry with us for laughing at that line.”
”Keep your temper. Why, this is new from you, Lucy; but you women of sugar can all cauterize your own s.e.x; the theme inspires you.”
”Uncle, how dare you! Are you not afraid I shall be angry one of these days, dear!!? The gentlemen were equally concerned in this last enormity. Poor Jemmy, or Jammy, with his devotion and tenderness that soothed, and his high spirit that supported the weaker vessel, was as funny to our male as to our female guests--so there. I saw but one that understood him, and did not laugh at him.”
”Talboys, for a pound.”
”Mr. Talboys? no! _You,_ dear uncle; you did not laugh; I noticed it with all a niece's pride.”