Part 11 (1/2)
Well, that brought him up short.
XVIII.
NEXT DAY WAS the Kalends of June. There were celebrations for Mars and the Tempestates (G.o.ddesses of weather). It was also the festival of Juno Moneta. The day the geese were carried out in state to see the watchdogs crucified.
I prefer not to dwell on details of this bloodthirsty fiasco. Suffice it to say that when I came to make my report to the Palace as Procurator of the Sacred Poultry it would recommend extremely strongly that: To avoid cruelty to the animals and distress to very sensitive observers, the condemned watchdogs should be pacified with drugged meat before any attempt to nail them up.
To prevent the Sacred Geese escaping from their ceremonial litter while acting as an audience, they too should be pacified with a dose of something, then tied down with jesses (which could be hidden beneath the purple cus.h.i.+ons on which the geese traditionally sat).
To clinch it, bars or a cage should be added to the litter.
On the day before the Kalends, it should be the responsibility of the gooseboy to ensure that the wings of all Sacred Geese who would be taking part in the ceremony were adequately clipped so that they definitely could not fly away.
Dogs from good homes (for instance, Nux) should be permitted to roam the Capitol in the control of authorized persons (say, me), without risk of being rounded up and held in custody under threat of being made part of the crucifixion ceremony.
Innocent dogs who were accidentally apprehended should be returned to the charge of their authorized persons without having to be made the subject of a two-hour argument.
The entire ritual of crucifying the ”guilty” guard dogs should be allowed to fall into abeyance as soon as possible. (Suggestion: to pacify die-hards, the cessation of this very ancient ceremony could be excused in our modern state as a compliment to the Celtic tribes, now that Gaul was a part of the Empire and the barbarians were no longer likely to attempt to storm the Capitol except in the form of tourists.) Every time the Procurator of Poultry attended the festival of Juno Moneta, he should be ent.i.tled to a serious drink allowance, at official expense, immediately afterwards.
XIX.
NEXT DAY--FOUR before the Nones of June, droned my calendar of festivals--happened to have no religious ceremonies a.s.signed to it, and was a day on which legal transactions could occur.
I had an urgent message from Pa, to say he had persuaded the tailor to sell up, but the decision might prove temporary (or the price might go up) unless we pinned the man down and got his signature on a contract that very day. Pausing only to hope that when I folded my own informing partners.h.i.+p I would not be bludgeoned into it by an entrepreneur like my father, I fell to and took myself to my sister's house: Pa had decreed that convincing Maia she wanted to do what we had planned for her would be my task.
Her immediate reaction was suspicion and resistance. ”Olympus, Marcus, what's the hurry?”
”Your erstwhile employer may consult his lawyer.”
”Why--are you and Pa cheating him?”
”Of course not. We are honest lads. Everyone who deals with us says so. We just don't want to give him leeway to turn around and cheat us.”
”Everyone who deals with the pair of you says 'Never again!' This is my life you weasels are organizing, Marcus.”
”Don't dramatize. We are giving you a healthy livelihood.”
”Can I not have at least a day to think this over?”
”We, the strong, benevolent males who are heads of your household, have done your thinking for you, as we are supposed to do. Besides, Pa says the next opportunity for legal business is days away, and we dare not wait. His legal a.s.sistant has drawn up a nice scroll, and Pa wants to hear that you are happy for him to go ahead.”
”I don't want anything to do with Pa.”
”Excellent. I knew you would come around.”
Pa was right (I looked it up on my calendar). Thanks to the fine Roman att.i.tude that lawyers are sharks who should be given as little encouragement as possible, there are usually only four or five days a month in which they are allowed to bamboozle clients. (Other nations might consider adopting this rule.) (Lawyers like it too, the lazy b.u.ms.) June offered particularly caring protection for the nervous citizen--though this was a trifle inconvenient if you were in league to do some bamboozling yourself. If we missed this chance, our next contract-signing day would be well after the Ides. I sent Marius to tell Pa that Maia was delighted.
My sister allowed Marius to leave but then, made even more contrary than usual by her bereavement, she changed her mind and wanted to scoot after him. Luckily, Marius was sharp enough to realize that to secure his future school fees, he must run very fast once he left the family home.
Helpfully too, Maia was intercepted by a visitor. As my sister bustled out of her front door with me tagging after her, we saw in the street the now-familiar shape of the litter with the Medusa head boss that belonged to the Laelii. Considering that they wanted to avoid dealing with us, it was ploughing deep furrows between the houses of my family.
”Greetings, Maia Favonia!”
”Caecilia Paeta! Why Marcus, this is the mother of dear little Gaia Laelia.”
”Good heavens--well, she must come in at once, Maia darling--” (and I, your curious brother, must stay here to supervise . . . ) Caecilia Paeta was of slender build, dressed in rather heavy white clothes, with one dull metal necklace and nothing so irreverent as face paint to enliven her pallid complexion. Maia had claimed Caecilia squinted; in fact she suffered from severe shortsightedness, giving her that vague air of someone who misses anything more than three strides away and who pretends that nothing beyond her field of vision can really be happening. She had a thin mouth, a nose that looked better from the front than in profile, and a ma.s.s of undernouished dark hair tied back in an old-fas.h.i.+oned style with a central parting.
She was not my type. (I had not expected she would be.) Of course, that did not prevent her being a woman other men would eventually warm to. (But probably not friends of mine.) She looked nervous. As soon as a few listless pleasantries had been disposed of, she burst out, ”I know that you have visited our house. Don't ever tell Laelius Numentinus that I came here--”
”Why?” My sister was playing awkward. Maia had one eye on her door, still wanting to dash off after Marius so she could remonstrate with Pa. ”A girl has to go out and chat to her friends sometimes. A respectable matron should be trusted to have social contact. Are you telling us your father-in-law keeps you a prisoner?”
It was too much to hope that Caecilia had made a brave bid for freedom; she loved being safe in religious-flavored oppression: ”We are a private family. When Numentinus was Flamen Dialis this was essential for the rituals, and he wishes to continue with the life he always knew. He is an old man--”
”Your daughter made an odd approach to my brother,” interrupted Maia bluntly. ”You are her mother. What do you think of her saying that someone wanted to kill her?”
”She told me too--and I then told her not to be so silly!” The woman appealed to Maia: ”Gaia Laelia is six years old. I was horrified to hear she had approached your brother--”
”This is my brother,” Maia finally remembered to inform her. I gave a polite salute.
Caecilia Paeta looked frightened. Well, informers have bad reputations. She may have been expecting a mean-eyed political reprobate. The sight of a normal, rather attractive fellow with spots of fish sauce down his tunic, being shoved down hard beneath his little sister's expert thumb, must have confused the poor woman. It often confused me.
”Gaia is rather overimaginative. There is nothing wrong,” Caecilia said swiftly.
”So we have been told.” I found a snakelike grin. ”The Flamen Pomonalis insisted this to my wife, like a loyal and well-trained brother-in-law. Now you say it too. To feel absolutely certain, I would like to question Gaia herself again--though the Pomonalis went to a great deal of trouble to inform us that she is much loved and in no danger. So I imagine the same idea has been very thoroughly rammed into Gaia.” Caecilia's eyes did not blink. People who live in terror of tyrants do not flinch when threatened; they have learned to avoid annoying their oppressor.
”Is there,” I insisted, without much hope, ”any chance of me talking to Gaia?”
”Oh no. Absolutely not.” Aware that this sounded far too overprotective, Caecilia tried to soften it. ”Gaia knows what she told you was nonsense.”
”Well, you are her mother,” said Maia again wryly, like a mother who knew better. Still, even my hotheaded sister could be fair. ”She did seem thrilled with the idea of becoming a Vestal when she was talking about it to my daughter Cloelia.”
”She is, she is!” exclaimed Caecilia, almost pleading for us to believe her. ”We are not monsters--as soon as I realized something had made her unhappy I arranged for her to have a long talk with Constantia about what her life in the House of the Vestals would be--”
”Constantia?” I asked.
”The Virgin we all met at the Palace,” Maia reminded me grumpily.
”Right. Constantia is liaison officer for the new recruits?”
”She ensures the hopefuls hear the proper lies,” Maia returned with deep cynicism. ”She lays stress on the fame and respect Vestal Virgins receive--and forgets to mention drawbacks like living for thirty years with five other s.e.xually deprived women, who all probably loathe you and get on your nerves.”