Part 18 (1/2)

”As long as you don't drag it out too much. Good night, children.”

Darth sneered at me again, pulled the shreds of his dignity about him, and strode to the van. The rest of them followed him like good little darthlings. The van started up and tore away, throwing gravel spitefully into the Blue Beetle Blue Beetle.

Could it sneer at them, the Beetle would have done so. Its dents had dents worse than what that van inflicted.

I spun the .44 once around my finger and put it back into my pocket.

Clint Yun-Fat.

As if I didn't have enough to do without worrying about Darth Wannabe and his groupies. I went inside, greeted my pets in order of seniority-Mister, my oversized cat first, then Mouse, my undersized ankylosaurus-washed up, and went to bed.

THE MICKEY MOUSE alarm clock told me it was five in the morning when my apartment's front door opened. The door gets stuck, because a ham-handed amateur installed it, and it makes a racket when it's finally forced open. I came out of the bedroom in my underwear, with my blasting rod in one hand and my .44 in the other, ready to do battle with whatever had come a-calling.

”Hi, boss!” Molly chirped, giving my blasting rod and gun a pa.s.sing glance but ignoring my almost-nudity.

I felt old.

My apprentice came in and set two Starbucks cups down on the coffee table, along with a bag that would be full of something expensive that Starbucks thought people should eat with coffee. Molly, who was young and tall and blond and built like a brick supermodel, offered me one of the cups. ”You want to wake up now or would you rather I kept it warm for you?”

”Molly,” I said, trying to be polite, ”I can't stand the sight of you. Go away.”

She held up a hand. ”I know, I know, Captain Grumpypants. Your day off and your big date with Luccio.”

”Yes,” I said. I put as much hostility into it as I could.

Molly had been overexposed to my menace. It bounced right off her. ”I just thought it would be a good time for me to work out some of the kinks on my invisibility potion. You've said I'm ready to use the lab alone.”

”I said unsupervised unsupervised. That isn't quite the same thing as alone.” My glower deepened. ”Much like having an apprentice puttering around the bas.e.m.e.nt is not quite the same thing as being alone with Anastasia.”

”You're going horseback riding,” Molly said in a reasonable tone of voice. ”You won't be here, and I'll be gone by the time you get back. And besides, I can make sure Mouse gets a walk or two while you're gone, so you won't have to come rus.h.i.+ng back early. Isn't that thoughtful of me?”

Mouse's huge grey doggy head came up off the floor, and his tail twitched as she said, ”Walk.” He looked at me hopefully.

”Oh, for crying out-” I shook my head wearily. ”Lock up behind you before you go downstairs.”

She turned back to the front door and started pus.h.i.+ng. ”You got it, boss.”

I staggered back to my bed to get whatever rest I could before my apprentice died in a fit of sleep-deprivation-induced psychotic mania.

FOR THE FIRST time ever, Mickey Mouse let me down.

Granted, being a wizard means that technology and I don't get along very well. Things tend to break down a lot faster in the presence of mortal magic than they would otherwise-but that's mostly electronics. My windup Mickey Mouse clock was pure springs and gears, and it had given me years and years of loyal service. It never went off, and when I woke up, Mickey was cheerfully indicating that I had less than half an hour before Anastasia was supposed to arrive.

I got up and threw myself into the shower, bringing my razor with me. I was only partway through shaving when the explosion rattled the apartment, hard enough to make a film of water droplets leap up off the shower floor.

I stumbled out, wrapped a towel around my waist, seized my blasting rod-just in case what was needed was more more explosions-and went running into the living room. The trapdoor leading down to the lab in my subbas.e.m.e.nt was open, and pink and blue smoke was roiling up out of it in a thick, noxious plume. explosions-and went running into the living room. The trapdoor leading down to the lab in my subbas.e.m.e.nt was open, and pink and blue smoke was roiling up out of it in a thick, noxious plume.

”h.e.l.l's bells,” I choked out, coughing. ”Molly!?”

”Here,” she called back through her own thick coughing. ”I'm fine, I'm fine.”

I opened a couple of the sunken windows, on opposite sides of the room, and the breeze began to thin out the smoke. ”What about my lab?”

”I had it contained when it blew,” she responded more clearly now. ”Um. Just . . . just let me clean up a bit.”

I eyed the trapdoor. ”Molly,” I said warningly.

”Don't come down!” she said, her voice near panic. ”I'll have it cleaned up in a second. Okay?”

I thought about storming down there with a good hard lecture about the importance of not busting up your mentor's irreplaceable collection of gear, but I took a deep breath instead. If anything had been destroyed, the lecture wouldn't fix it. And I had only fifteen minutes to make myself look like a human being and find some way to get rid of the smell of Molly's alchemical misadventure. So I decided to go finish shaving.

Am I easygoing or what?

No sooner had I gotten bits of paper stuck to the spots on my face where I'd been in a hurry than someone began hammering on the front door.

”For crying out loud, loud,” I muttered. ”It's my day off off.” I stomped out to the living room and found the smoke mostly gone, if not the smell. Mouse paced along beside me on the way to the door. I unlocked it and wrenched it open, careful to open it only an inch or three, then peered outside.

Andi and Kirby crouched on the other side of my door. Both of them were dirty, haggard, and entirely covered with scratches. I could tell, because both were also entirely naked.

Kirby lowered his arm and stared warily at me. Then he let out a low growling sound, which I realized a second later had been meant to be my name. ”Harry.”

”You have got to be kidding me,” I said. ”Today?” ”Today?”

”Harry,” Andi said, her eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g. ”Please. I don't know who else we can turn to.”

”Dammit!” I snarled. ”Dammit, dammit, dammit!” I wrenched the door the rest of the way open and muttered my wards down. ”Come in. Hurry up, before someone sees you.”

Kirby's nostrils flared as he entered, and his face twisted up in revulsion.

”Oh,” Andi said as I shut the door. ”That smells terrible.”

”Tell me about it,” I said. ”You two look ...” Well, I would have used different adjectives for Kirby than for Andi. ”A little thrashed. What's up? You two get in a fight with a barbed wire golem or something?”

”N-no,” Andi said. ”Nothing like that. We've had . . . Kirby and I have . . . fleas.”

I blinked.

Kirby nodded somber agreement and growled something unintelligible.

I checked the fireplace, which Molly had lit and which was crackling quietly. My coffeepot hung on a swinging arm near the fire, close enough to stay warm without boiling. I went to the pot and checked. She'd put my cup of expensive Starbucks elixir in there to stay warm. If I'd been preparing to murder her, that single act of compa.s.sion would have been reason enough to spare her life.

I poured the coffee into the mug Molly had left on the mantel and slugged some of it back. ”Okay, okay,” I said. ”Start from the top. Fleas?”

”I don't know what else to call them,” Andi said. ”When we s.h.i.+ft, they're there, in our fur. Biting and itching. It was just annoying at first, but now . . . it's just awful.” She shuddered and began running her fingertips over her shoulders and ribs. ”I can feel them right now. Chewing at me. Biting and digging into me.” She shook her head and, with an almost visible effort, forced her hands to be still. ”It's getting hard to th-think straight. To talk. Every time we ch-change, it gets worse.”

I gulped down a bit of coffee, frowning. That did did sound serious. I glanced down at the towel around my waist, and noted, idly, that I was the most heavily clothed person in the room. ”All right, let me get dressed,” I said. ”I guess at least one of us should have clothes on.” sound serious. I glanced down at the towel around my waist, and noted, idly, that I was the most heavily clothed person in the room. ”All right, let me get dressed,” I said. ”I guess at least one of us should have clothes on.”

Andi looked at me blankly. ”What?”

”Clothes. You're naked, Andi.”