Chapter 3 (2/2)

Huangfu put the empty bowl back in her hand and asked, “Your answer?”

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Huangfu sat quietly in front of his desk, thinking back to moments ago, the look Bao Chun had on her face when she made her decision.[3]

She really is something special.

So she’s especially foolish.

Isn’t selfishness human nature? She went as far as to sacrifice her own sister to save a stranger’s life, should she be considered as altruistic or idiotic?

If he was in Bao Chun’s shoes and had to make the choice, he would choose to save his own sister without hesitation. After all, those two girls were only strangers, the only thing she’ll get in return is a “thank you”.

Not worth it. It’s really not worth it.

“Nineteen.” Huangfu called out.

“Yes Master?”

“If you were Little Bao Chun, would you save your sister, or those two strangers?”

“I would save my sister.” Nineteen answered without hesitation.

“Isn’t she odd?”

Poor Miss Bao Chun, being called odd by someone as strange as The Master. Nineteen thought to himself.

“Perhaps Miss Bao Chun thought the condition of those two other girls were much worse than that of her sister’s, so she wanted Master to save them first. Afterwards, she can then ask Master to save her sister.” This seems to be the only plausible explanation

But sadly she was wrong, Huangfu has never been a soft-hearted person.

“I said I would only save one of them, I won’t change my mind. Can’t blame me for killing her sister if she did it herself.” Huangfu lightly tapped the edge of the desk with his right index finger, this was a habit of his when he’s thinking.

“Master, if you insist on doing this then it will kill Miss Bao Chun.”

“Oh?”

“If Liu Ruo Xia misses her opportunity at being saved by Master because of this, then Miss Bao Chun will surely blame herself, and if her sister dies from this then do you think Miss Bao Chun can live with herself?” Nineteen has always been very observant, and can easily see through people. Especially Bao Chun, who was clear as water with her straightforward nature

Nineteen was right, Huangfu thought quietly. Someone as pure and kind as her would probably take all the blame for herself.

“But if Master doesn’t care about Miss Bao Chun’s life, then there is naturally no need to mind the nonsense that I just shared.”

“Care about?” Nineteen, what are you implying? Huangfu suddenly laughed and question him. This guard of his is really getting more and more talkative.

“Miss Bao Chun is a person that people can easily take a liking to.” Nineteen didn’t give a straight answer.

“Including me?”

“I do not know.”

“Great, you do not know.” Huangfu couldn’t tell either, even he himself couldn’t put a finger on the strange feelings he has towards Bao Chun.

Perhaps when it comes to Bao Chun, he was willing to indulge her more and pay more attention to her, but does that mean anything?

Has he fallen for her? Or was this just a pa.s.sing fancy?

He doesn’t realize it himself, but as his personal guard, Nineteen has given him enough hints. Is it possible that he expresses more emotions than he knew? Perhaps it’s not a good thing for him to care too deeply for someone.

Huangfu combed his loose silver hair with his fingers, his frustration was rarely seen displayed so outwardly. “Nineteen, go and tell that …. What’s the name of Bao Chun’s sister again?”

“Liu Ruo Xia.” Nineteen was not at all surprised that his master didn’t remember Liu Ruo Xia’s name.

“Right, tell her about everything that happened today.” Huangfu looked up, his usual self again.

“Master, do you mean that you want Liu Ruo Xia to find out that Miss Bao Chun has sacrificed her to save another?” Nineteen was slightly confused, although he wasn’t sure about Liu Ruo Xia’s personality, but judging from how spoiled and ent.i.tled she seemed to be when she was with Bao Chun, it’s not hard to guess that there will surely be an explosive family feud between the two.

“Correct.” Huangfu’s gaze s.h.i.+fted downwards.

Bao Chun’s kind and gentle face overlapped with that of another’s from his memory, both universally loved all living things, both so selfless … and both were so stupid.

“The people I hate the most are kind, selfless idiots, doing this will only put me off.” As if to explain his own actions, Huangfu closed his clear, bright eyes, lowered his voice and uttered to himself. “Let me see how selfish you can be, Bao Chun.”

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From the farthest room of the guest quarters in the Huangfu mansion, came the shrill voice of a girl screaming and yelling, along with the sound of objects. .h.i.tting the ground.

Ever since she “unintentionally” heard the news from Nineteen, she has been in a raging fit.

“Is your brain broken, or have you gone crazy?” Every curse she uttered as well as every item she threw were all directed at Bao Chun, attacking her straight on, not caring if they hit Bao Chun. “We came here to seek treatment! But you! You chose to save strangers over me! Bravo Liu Bao Chun, bravo!”

“Ruo Xia, don’t be so angry … be careful with your body ….” Bao Chun worried about Ruo Xia’s health as she dodged the items that flew towards her.

“Be careful? I think you’d rather see me die!” Ruo Xia’s left hand clutched at her chest as her right hand attacked Bao Chun.”

“No I don’t, it’s not like—”

“No!?” Ruo Xia finished throwing all the things on top of the drawer yet still felt angry, she saw the tea set on top of the table and in the heat of the moment, threw it at Bao Chun’s head.

Before Bao Chun could react, the ceramic cup hit her on the forehead, blood was visible from under her bangs.

“You think I don’t know? You’d rather save a stranger than your own sister! How can you be so vicious! Qiu Yue always said that you gave away everything to other people, and I finally see it now, you can even give away your sister’s life!”

“I won’t let you die ….” Bao Chun had no way of refuting, she could only quietly comfort Ruo Xia.

“Humph! If the G.o.dly Doctor won’t save me, what makes you think you can? Liu Bao Chun, even if I die and become a ghost I won’t forgive you” Ruo Xia screamed those harsh words then turned away from her sister. This devastated Bao Chun.

“I’m sorry … I just felt so bad for them ….” The blood from her forehead dripped down and into her eyes, she slowly wiped it away with her sleeve.

“You always cared more about other people than your family. Good intentions? Don’t give me that c.r.a.p!”

“Don’t be so angry, I’ll go and beg Mister Huangfu again ….”

Ruo Xia laid down on the wooden bed with her back to Bao Chun and refused to acknowledge her.

Bao Chun sighed, looked at Ruo Xia’s back, then slowly walked out of the room

The moonlight fell on her lonely figure, she has to admit, she did something wrong. She should have been more selfish, at least for the sake of her family ….

Far in the distance she could see the light in Huangfu’s study, recalling the day’s events, she remembers his face, how he looked at her with cruel, unfeeling eyes, asked her to make a painful choice with indifference, that unfamiliar face, that beautiful yet unfamiliar face ….

She couldn’t bring herself to walk forward, she doesn’t have any more courage to ask him again.

Because he had already given her an opportunity, but she didn’t take it. She has no right to be angry with him ….

With her back against the cold marble column, she slid down, burying her head between her knees, ignoring, as her wound stained her white skirt.

“Why? Didn’t she keep on telling herself that she needs to think about her family more? Liu Bao Chun, you idiot!” She mumbled in self-blame.

If only she was the one who was sick instead of Ruo Xia, that would make everything better. It wouldn’t matter whether Huangfu agrees to save her, she wouldn’t have any fears or complaints. Sigh ….

All of a sudden, a gown draped over her head.

Bao Chun looked up, it was the face that she knew so well, the face that she would see in her dreams, that face was now inches from hers.

Huangfu flashed his signature smile, as if what happened that afternoon was all but a dream.[4]

“Why are you sitting here all alone? You’ll catch a cold.” He asked softly, his gentle tone was a far cry from this afternoon’s cruelty.

“Your forehead, it’s bleeding.” Huangfu lifted up her chin and examined her wound. “It’ll be a shame if this left a scar on that little face of yours. Come, let me tend to that wound for you.”

Huangfu tried to pull her up, but Bao Chun sat on the ground, unbudging.

“What’s wrong?” Huangfu’s face looked harmless, he sat down next to her on the ground and naturally put his right arm around her shoulders.

Hum, it actually feels pretty good, her shoulders were a little thin but it wasn’t boney.

“Are you still mad at me for what happened this afternoon?” Huangfu laughed and ask her without an ounce of guilt in his voice.

Bao Chun hung her head low. She didn’t have the right to be mad at him, she’s just wallowing in self-hatred.

“You aren’t talking, so that means you are still angry?” Huangfu asked softly.

“No.”

“So why are you so depressed? You should be really happy! You saved a life, didn’t you? That little girl is probably hopping around right now, happily humming a cheery tune.” Perhaps Huangfu was just casually mentioning it, or perhaps he was deliberately trying to make her feel guilty.

Bao Chun didn’t answer, she just looked at him. He saw his reflection in her bright eyes, but they lacked her usual lively spirit.

He patted Bao Chun on the head, letting her lean against his shoulder. Bao Chun let him pull her into an embrace without resisting, taking in his scent. He smelled faintly of medicinal herbs.

“Did you get into a fight with your sister? The wound on your forehead, did your sister do this?” Although it was he who instructed Nineteen to tell Liu Ruo Xia what Bao Chun did, but he didn’t expect that girl to go so far and physically hurt Bao Chun like this.

“My wound is nothing in comparison to how much I’ve hurt her …. She must be so disappointed in me, I’m a terrible older sister ….” Bao Chun felt so powerless, but she couldn’t cry any tears.

If I was your sister, I would’ve probably snapped your neck. Huangfu thought.

Being next to him and feeling the heat from his body, the Huangfu she sees right now was the Huangfu she knew so well, the one that was gentle and caring. But where is that cruel and ruthless mask he wore? Which is the real him? Bao Chun was confused and her wound was aching with pain, the more she thought about him the more it hurt.

“Huangfu, why did you become a doctor?” She asked him, when her real question was, “Why did you become a doctor and refuse to save people?”

“I never thought of myself as a doctor. It was by mere chance that I studied medicine.” Huangfu answered, gritting his teeth on the last sentence. He turned to Bao Chun’s depressed face, “You actually wanted to ask me how I was able to be so cruel and refuse all the people that come to me for help, right?”

Bao Chun looked him in the eye and nodded in honesty.

“It’s simple, because I’m a selfish, selfish man.” Huangfu pointed to his heart and smiled contentedly. “If saving that girl today made me happy then I would have saved her, but saving people is a ha.s.sle to me, so why make it difficult for myself?”

“But everyone has compa.s.sion ….”

“Wrong. Most people have compa.s.sion, but I am not like most people.” Huangfu held her hand in his and studied it. Her hand was almost half his size, but it didn’t have the fair and soft skin a girl’s hand should have. Thick callouses formed on her palms from years of hard work, while brutal rays of the sun wreaked havoc on the back of her hands.

“I don’t understand you ….” Bao Chun muttered under her breath. He spoke so confidently, smiled so harmlessly, yet underneath that face was a selfish soul that she cannot agree with.

Huangfu held her hand and rubbed it against his cheek. Having heard the four words muttered by Bao Chun he chuckled and said, “Do you want to understand me?”

I do. But it’s too hard. A voice inside Bao Chun’s head answered.

“Am I an idiot?” Bao Chun suddenly changed the topic and quietly asked.

“Only a little.” It’s pretty good that you are self-aware.

“I … I want to become more selfish ….”

“Oh, really?” Huangfu raised an eyebrow. She’s finally getting it now, a worthy student indeed.[5]

Bao Chun spoke softly and the words flowed out of her, “I knew it gets especially cold during the night, and that cotton blanket can keep Papa and Qiu Yue warmer, but Aunty Chen’s house burned down, their family of six was s.h.i.+vering in the haystacks. It took me so long to find two withered stalks of wild herbs, that was our only food, it could have lasted us several days. But Uncle Li begged me as he held on to Xia Cui, the girl was already dead, dead people didn’t need food ….” She didn’t care whether of not Huangfu understood what she was talking about, with her head on his shoulder, she started to pour her heart out to him, telling him all the things she regrets doing.

“I didn’t know what my family would eat after I gave away the food to Uncle Li, I didn’t know when our next meal would be …. My youngest sister Dong Xue, she starved to death on a cold winter night when she was eight. Papa said that when people starve to death, they’ll stay a hungry ghost in the underworld,[6] unable to feel full no matter how much they eat ….” Bao Chun’s eyes swelled with tears, she doesn’t want Dong Xue to be a poor, hungry ghost, eternally suffering from starvation. But her family has always lived hand-to-mouth, they were lucky to be able to offer her some fruits, what way was there for them to prepare a generous feast of offerings[7] to compensate poor dead Dong Xue.

She started whimpering, her lips quivered as if wanting to say more.

She was drowning in regret and self-blame ….

Huangfu’s heart tingled with inexplicable sorrow and grief.

He knew that Bao Chun was an overly nice person, but he didn’t know it was to this extent.

He doesn’t like seeing Bao Chun always putting others before herself, her emotions revolving around the experiences of others.

Happy because someone else was saved, depressed because of someone else’s suffering. But where did she put herself? She could give up Liu Ruo Xia’s chance of being treated. She could also give her own life to save Liu Ruo Xia. He doesn’t know why, but it doesn’t matter who it is, others have always been more important than herself. The only thing he knew for certain was that the first thing she sacrifices was always herself, Liu Bao Chun.

After her family, after everyone else in the world, was a tiny little s.p.a.ce she allowed for herself. But that s.p.a.ce was as tiny as a grain of sand. She cherished others, but others did not necessarily cherish her.

As for him, he only wanted her to be a little selfish, to care more about herself, and to protect herself a bit more.

“It’s alright, it’s okay, what’s done is done, don’t think about it anymore.” Huangfu patted her on the back, and stopped her from thinking about past misfortunes.

Bao Chun’s suffering was due to all the weight she has on her shoulders, she’s reluctant to put them down but they’re also unbearably heavy. And he, will take those weights off from her thin, fragile shoulders one by one.

“Being selfish is the easiest thing in the world.” Huangfu lifted up Bao Chun’s tear-stained face, he couldn’t help it but to kiss away those pearl-like drops of tears. “Tomorrow, I’ll personally teach you that selfishness, is human nature.”

Translator’s Notes:

Oh man @ this was the longest chapter yet! Took a bit longer but here it is. Let’s just say a certain someone isn’t being very likeable in this chapter.

Lots of Chinese lessons in the footnotes today, have fun reading if you are interested.

This certain isn’t the happiest chapter in the book. I got a little emotional as I was doing the translation, I have some very strong feelings towards starving kids. I’ve always made sure that I don’t waste food or things in general, since there are actual children and adults out there in the world that live in starvation and have very little to keep them comfortable. Let’s all be more aware in our daily lives. Be the change you want to see in the world, right Mr.Gandhi? ;) See you all in the next chapter!

As always, please like, comment, and follow if you’ve enjoyed reading!~ Ciao! <>

1 Original words here being 救人一命，胜造七级浮屠 jiù rén yī mìng, shèng zào qī jí fú tú, which translates to “there is greater merit in saving a single life than in building a seven-story Buddhist stupa”. This get a little bit into religion, while Buddhism did not originate in China it was and still is a HUGELY popular religion in China. Long story short, in Buddhist beliefs there is something called 功德, which translates to merits and virtues, you do good deeds to “save up” these virtues, this will influence either your current life or your after you reincarnate (reborn after death). Building a seven-story Buddhist stupa or 浮屠 earns you a lot of merits and virtue, but it use up a lot of your money, manpower, and time. But saving a human life if more important than all of that, hint hint, life is more precious than anything else in the world! This line is usually used to convince people to save a life or when complimenting a person for saving a life. Here is a 浮屠 —>LINK you don’t get the same structures if you search for Buddhist stupa or Buddhist tower. If you are reading this and I have made a mistake, please correct me if I am wrong in explaining your religion.

2 Original words here being 过江之鲫 guò jiāng zhī jì, this literally translates to “carp crossing the river”. This means numerous and chaotic. The story behind this four-character idiom was that the Eastern Jin Dynasty was built in the south of the Yangtze River, influential and privileged family of scholar-officials from the North all came to the South. People back said that “more well known individuals crossed the river than carp”. C-A-R-P not C-R-A-P!

3 Original words here being 壮士断腕 zhuàng shì duàn wàn, this literally translates to warrior cutting off his hand at the wrist, it can also be written as 壮士解腕 zhuàng shì jiě wàn, with the same meaning. This was basically the story of a warrior who got bitten by a venomous snakes (venomous not poisonous, venomous toxins are injected, while poisonous toxins are delivered through either ingesting it or through touch) to stop the toxin form spreading, he cuts off his own hand at the wrist. This is used as a metaphor for when people do things or are faced with a decision, they act quickly without hesitation. In a “cut your losses early” kind of way.

4 Original words here being 南柯一梦 nán kē yī mèng, the story behind this four-character idiom came from a story about a man during the Tang Dynasty who had a dream that he became the new governor in this kingdom, but when he woke up he realized that it was all a dream and the kingdom he dreamt of was the aunt hill beneath the large ash tree. This was later used as a metaphor for happy illusions and all those good stuff. Similar idioms are 黄粱一梦 huáng liáng yī mèng OR 黄粱美梦 huáng liáng měi mèng. I won’t bore you with the explanations.

5 Original words here being 孺子可教 rú zǐ kě jiào, which means “the young man is worthy to be taught”. The story behind this is that of 张良’s. Zhang Liang was a famous strategist and statesman in the early Western Han dynasty. He met an old man when he was young and the old man thought that Zhang Liang could be taught, so he gave Zhang Liang a book that helped him to become an advisor to the first emperor of the Han Dynasty. Read the story here —>LINK and just search for the term “shoe”, trust me. An antonym for 孺子可教 is 朽木不雕 xiǔ mù bù diāo, meaning one cannot carve a rotten piece of wood.

6 To learn more about 饿死鬼 or hungry ghost please click the link here —>LINK it’s a little different from what Bao Chun’s papa said, but his version is also well known in China.

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