Part 23 (1/2)

He gave her a look. ”That's beautiful of you, but”--and he turned to the window again and spoke to himself--”it puts an awful face on my business. All along you've made me think for you, and of you, more than you deserve, more than I can afford.” The stare she gave this forced out of him a reluctant smile. ”Why, didn't you know it? Do you think I couldn't have had the sapphire that first night I saw it on your hand, if it hadn't been--well, for the way I thought of you? I fancied you knew that then.” He made a restless movement. His arm fell from her shoulder. ”There's been only one thing to do from the first,” he said, ”and I don't see my way to it.”

”Oh, don't take it! Leave it!” she pleaded. ”Leave it with me! What does it matter so much? A jewel! If only you would leave it and go away from me!”

He whirled on her. ”In Heaven's name, a fine piece of logic! Leave the sapphire to people who can make no better use of it than I? Leave you to go on with this business and marry this Cressy? Even suppose you gave me the sapphire, I couldn't let you do that!”

”If I gave you the sapphire,” Flora said, ”oh, he wouldn't marry me then!” She couldn't tell how this had come to her, but all at once it was clear, like a sign of her complete failure; but Kerr only wondered at her distress.

”Well, if you don't want to marry him, what do you care?”

”Oh, I don't, I don't care for that.” She sank back listlessly in her chair again. She couldn't explain, but in her own mind she knew that if she lost the sapphire she would so lose in her own esteem; so fail at every point that counted, that she would never be able to see or be seen in the world again as the same creature. Even to Kerr--even to him to whom she would have yielded she would have become a different thing. She realized now she had staked everything on the premise that she wouldn't have to yield; and now it began to appear to her that she would. His weakness was appearing now as a terrible strength, a strength that seemed on the point of crus.h.i.+ng her, but it could never convince her.

That strength of his had brought her here. Was it to happen here, that strange thing she had foreseen, the end of her? Was it here she was to lose the sapphire, and him?

She looked vaguely around the room, at the most impa.s.sive aspect of the place, as at a place she never expected to leave; the darkening windows, the fast-shut door, the child leaning on the desk, watching them with sharp, incurious eyes--this would be her niche for ever. She would be left for ever with the crusts and the dregs. And Kerr's figure in the twilight seemed each time it moved to be on the point of vanis.h.i.+ng into the grayness. He moved continually up and down the narrow s.p.a.ces between the tables. He troubled the dry repose of the place.

Sometimes he looked at her, studying, questioning, undecided. Once he stopped, as if just there an idea had arrested him. He looked at her, as if, she thought, he were afraid of her. Then for long moments he stood looking blankly, steadily out of the window. He did not approach her. He seemed to avoid her, until, as though he had come at last to his decision, he walked straight up to her and stood above her. She rose to meet him. He was smiling.

”Don't you know that you could easily get rid of me?” he demanded.

”Cressy would be too glad to do it for you; and there are more ways than one that I could get the sapphire from you, if I could face the idea of it--but really, really we care too much for each other. There's only one way out for you and me and the sapphire. I'll take you both.”

Her clenched hands opened and fell at her sides. A great wave of helplessness flowed over her. Her eyes, her throat filled up with a rush of blinding tears. She put out her hands, trying to thrust him off, but he took the wrists and held them apart, and held her a moment helpless before him.

”Oh, no,” she whispered.

”But I love you.”

Her head fell back. She looked at him as if he had spoken the incredible.

”I love you,” he repeated, ”though G.o.d knows how it has happened!”

The blood rushed to her heart.

He was drawing her nearer.

She felt his breath upon her face; she saw the image of herself in his eyes. She started to herself on the edge of danger, and made a struggle to release her wrists. He let them go. She sank down into her chair.

”Why not? Why won't you go with me?” she heard him say again, still close beside her.

”I can't, I can't!” She clung to the words, but for the moment she had forgotten her reasons. She had forgotten everything but the wonderful fact that he loved her. He was there within reach, and she had only to stretch out her hand, only to say one word, and he would cut through the ranks of her perplexities and terrors, and carry her away.

”Why not, if you love me?” he insisted. ”Are you afraid of those people?

Are you afraid of Cressy? He shall never come near you.”

She shook her head. ”No, it isn't that.”

He stooped and looked into her face. ”Then what keeps you?”

She looked up slowly.

”My honor.”

”Your honor!” For a moment her answer seemed to have him by surprise. He mused, and again it came dreamily back to her that he was looking at her across a vast difference no will of hers could ever bridge.

”Don't you see what I am?” she murmured. ”Can't you imagine where I stand in this hideous business? It's my trust. I'm on their side; and, oh, in spite of everything, I can't make myself believe in giving it to you!”