Part 14 (1/2)

”You're asking me me?” he answered. Again came that small shrug. ”Special angels come for those who have a special destiny. And special demons target those same individuals in special ways.”

”So there's more to come.” I said. ”He'll never give up.”

He pondered this and indicated he couldn't answer. Just a little gesture with his hands, and a little lift to his eyebrows.

”What did you learn about him?” he asked.

”He chose the way of reason to attack me, old arguments, theories I'd read. He ventured into New Age philosophy, the testimony of those who've traveled out of body, claimed to have had near-death experiences. But he made a hash of it. The point is, he attacked my faith, through reason, rather than my shaky self-control.”

He drifted into thought again, or into something like it. He looked to be about my age, I figured, but why he'd chosen to appear with red hair I couldn't guess, and it seemed his body was a little thicker all over than Malchiah's body. These things had to mean something but what? There might be rules to all this, a vast system of them, but it might be far too intricate and involved for me to understand.

He spoke up suddenly, bringing me back to the conversation.

”There's an old story,” he said, ”about a saint who once said, 'Even when the Prince of Darkness takes the form of an angel of light, you'll know him by his reptilian tail.'”

I laughed. ”I've heard that story,” I said. ”I knew the saint once. Well, Ankanoc didn't have a reptilian tail.”

”But he gave himself away, nevertheless. You pegged him for what he was early on-by his speech, the unkind remarks he made about human beings.”

”That's exactly right,” I said. ”And also by the way in which he used the New Age viewpoints on questions of life and death and why we're here. What's fascinating about those viewpoints is that they're put forth by a whole variety of thinkers, that certain patterns of thought emerge from psychic pioneers all over the globe. But Ankanoc treated them as if they were dogma and he tried to ram that dogma home.”

”Keep this in mind,” he said. ”No matter what he does and says, he will always give himself away. Demons are too full of hate and rage to be too clever. Don't overestimate them. That might be as bad as underestimating them. And if you call him by name, he must answer you, so he's not likely to try a disguise again.”

”So you're saying that demons aren't as smart as angels.”

”Perhaps they could be,” he said, ”but their state of mind interferes with their intelligence. It interferes with their observations, and their conclusions. It interferes with everything that they do. Theirs is a hideous predicament. They refuse to admit that they have lost.”

That was beautiful. I liked it. I liked the puzzle of it and the truth of it.

”Do you know him personally?” I asked.

”Personally?” He burst out laughing. ”Personally!” he said again with a gleaming smile. ”Toby, you are a fascinating young man. No, I don't know him personally. I don't think he would give me the time of day.” He laughed again. ”He doesn't think he has to worry about me, a 'mere guardian angel.' It's Malchiah who drives him to the brink. He has a great deal to learn.”

”So after work, when I'm asleep for instance, you and Ankanoc couldn't go to a cafe together in Angel Time for a drink.”

”No,” he said, laughing again. ”And I'm not off work when you're sleeping, by the way. You probably know that very well.”

”Were you there, with me in Rome?” I asked.

”Yes, of course. I'm always with you. I'm your guardian angel, I told you. I've been with you since before you were born.”

”But in Rome, you couldn't come to me, appear to me, help me?” I asked.

”What do you think?” he asked.

”Oh, not again. You angels keep turning the questions around.”

”Don't we, though!” he whispered. ”But now we both know one reason, at least, why you're so troubled. You're angry that I didn't come to you and help you. But Malchiah came, did he not?”

”Finally, yes,” I responded. ”He came when it was all over. But couldn't either of you have given me a hint that this creature was waylaying me with extraordinary means?”

He shrugged.

”I think you must bow to Malchiah's wishes,” I said.

”That is one way of describing things,” he said. ”Malchiah is a Seraph. I am not.”

”Why are you here now?” I asked.

”Because you need me and you want me to be here, and you're restless and your ideas of what to do next are unformed. That's part of it, at least. But I think it's time you started doing what you did after your last a.s.signment. So perhaps I should go.”

”I wish you were always visible.”

”You think that's what you wish. You have a short memory. I am not here to interfere with your being a man.”

”Do Children of Angels get lonely?” I asked.

”You're lonely, aren't you?” he asked. ”Do you think any amount of angelic company can take away human desire? We're here because you're human. You'll be a human being till the day you die.”

”I wish I knew what you really looked like-!” I said.

The atmosphere around me instantly changed. It was as if some force had shaken the entire room, perhaps the entire building, and certainly my entire point of view.

The contents of the room faded. Gravity was gone. I wasn't standing anywhere. An immense sound filled my ears, a sound vaguely akin to the reverberations of a huge gong, and at the same time an unending white light filled my vision, shot through with great arcing splashes of gold. All I could see was this exploding light. There was a core to it, a pulsing, vibrant core, from which the enormous sweeps of gold emanated, and quite suddenly it was beyond all the language I had. I struggled in my brain for concepts to describe it, to seize it and hold on to it, but this was not possible. There was movement, tremendous movement, something like convolutions or eruptions. But the words mean nothing compared to what I saw. I had a momentous sense of recognition. recognition. I heard myself gasp aloud, ”Yes,” but this was over before it had begun. The light defined a s.p.a.ce too vast for me to see or grasp, and yet I saw it, saw its limitless reaches. The sound had reached a searing pitch. The light contracted and was gone. I heard myself gasp aloud, ”Yes,” but this was over before it had begun. The light defined a s.p.a.ce too vast for me to see or grasp, and yet I saw it, saw its limitless reaches. The sound had reached a searing pitch. The light contracted and was gone.

I lay on the floor, staring at the domed ceiling above me. I closed my eyes. What I could reproduce in my mind was nothing, nothing compared to what I'd just seen and heard.

”Forgive me,” I whispered. ”I should have known.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I WENT TO THE COMPUTER FIRST AND FOREMOST FOR WENT TO THE COMPUTER FIRST AND FOREMOST FOR the information I wanted about my time in Rome. the information I wanted about my time in Rome.

I wasn't surprised that I could not find the names of those I'd visited in any historical record.

But the horrid and cruel incident that had befallen Giovanni's son in Florence was recorded in more than one place. No names were given, of the man accused of blaspheming the images, or of his surviving family. But it was definitely the same incident and I was left with a strong memory of the elderly Giovanni, staring at me in the synagogue, after I'd stopped playing the lute.

I had no doubt that my mission had been amongst real people. And I read on amongst the various sources about the times.

I soon learned what I should never have forgotten, that Rome was sacked in 1527, at which time thousands of lives were lost. Some sources said the whole Jewish community was annihilated at this time.

This meant just about everyone I'd known in Rome might have died at this point in history, only some nine years or less after the time of my visitation.

I thanked G.o.d that I hadn't known this part of the story while I was there. But more importantly, I realized in an instant what I hadn't grasped in my entire selfish life: that it is imperative for us in this world not to know for certain what the future holds. There could be no present if the future were known.

I might have known this intellectually at the age of twelve. But now it struck me with a mystical force. And it reminded me that I was dealing with creatures in Malchiah and Shmarya who knew much more about the future than I wanted to know. To be angry with them or resentful of them because they lived with this burden made no sense.