Part 25 (2/2)

'It thinks we're bears,' Sam hissed.

'Were-bears?' asked the Doctor, looking round.

'I wonder if you could tell me why you are here; said the spider languorously, lying back on its soft hammock. It had a very diffident tone.

'We are here...' began the Doctor, attempting to sound gruff and bearlike,'We are here to find out how we may descend to the next level.

Through your... um, charming gateway.'

'I see.' The creature flexed a couple of hairy, wrist-thick legs. 'Perhaps you already know, then, that I guard the interstices between the levels. It is my function to prevent traffic. Especially - forgive me - by bears.'

'I know,' said the Doctor winningly. 'But we can make it worth your while, you see.'

'I thought that you bears shaved yourselves these days,' the spider said, becoming suspicious.'Aren't you two terribly hairy?'

Sam put in,'We're not ones to follow the crowd.'

'All the bears want to be human.' The spider said it like a curse.

'We don't want to be like that,' said Sam.

'Hmm.'

The spider was putting on a good show of seeming bored. Actually, she was thrilled to have company. She considered roping the two of them into her web and forcing them to talk for ever. Her paralysing sting would keep them alive indefinitely, immobile but free for conversation. And she need liquefy and devour them only very gradually. There wasn't much else in the way of conversation to be had here. She rather enjoyed speaking with her irregular victims.

'How long have you been guarding this gateway?' asked the Doctor in a conciliatory tone.

'Ages.'

'You look tired of the work. It's hardly a demanding job.'

The spider's mirror ball eyes swivelled.'What do you mean?'

'For someone of your undoubted talents.' The ma.s.sive legs twitched.'It doesn't exactly stretch me.'

'Why don't you come with us?' asked the Time Lord impulsively.

'What?' Sam nudged him hard.

'And where would I be coming with you to?'

The Doctor gabbled excitedly. 'Tell me who put you here. Who is responsible for the mind-numbing tedium of your position?'

'Well,' said the spider. ”The Empress, of course. It is she who maintains the discrete barriers between her nether regions.'

'Quite,' said the Doctor. 'And we are on our way to confront that Empress.We think she's got above herself.'

'My treatment has been appalling,' said the spider restlessly.

'Sometimes I even think she has forgotten about me.' ”Then open the gateway! Come with us!'

'And this is how you will make it worth my while?'

'Of course!' beamed the Doctor. 'A little light revolution! What more could you want?'

'I could, of course, just ensnare and devour you,'

'You don't want to do that.'

'Don't I?'

'Oh, no.' The Doctor was still grinning like an idiot.

'You are no bear.'

'Actually, no.'

'Hmm. I shall have to think.'

his and the others had become impatient. She sat in the doorway of the bus, and listened to the forest noises for a while. She had a tape somewhere with the same creaking, cawing, shus.h.i.+ng and rustling noises and it was meant to be gently soporific. One of her companions, Gary, had bought it for her, but woodland noises just gave her the creeps.

She returned her attention to the tedious job in hand and told Gila and the d.u.c.h.ess which portions of the stone doorway to push and probe.

She racked her brains to come up with the words to open it. 'Open sesame' was on the tip of her tongue, but she was too embarra.s.sed to actually try it. She wanted to hit upon the correct Gandalf-like combination of phrases. She was sure there must be one. Not for the first time she wished she was the type who could produce the exact answer in a flourish of flamboyant erudition.

The Bearded Lady was soon furious.'Where has that dithering fool got to?'She stroked her beard quite roughly.'How long does it take to speak to a spider?'

Iris shrugged. She didn't think much of Major Angela. Trumped-up nouveau riche, she seemed to her. Pretend gentry. All guts and glory.

Not Iris's type at all, and not her usual cla.s.s of travelling companion. She sighed as they watched Gila wedge his jade bulk against the solid stone of the gateway. Iris marvelled at the alligator man's muscles. He seemed suddenly squatter and more powerful than ever. Muscles stood out on his back so that there appeared to be a solid ridge there.

'Perhaps we should go back,' said Iris. 'If the Scarlet Guard are searching for us, maybe we should give in and just go with them. They're heading in our direction - back to Hyspero.Why run away?'

The Bearded Lady came over all gung-ho. 'What? Give ourselves up?

To that tattooed sc.u.m?'

Iris tutted. Gila had warned her what Angela could be like. 'I don't mean surrender, exactly. I mean, we've got what we came for.'

The Bearded Lady looked bitter. 'My Empress. My possession.'

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