Part 24 (2/2)

'Has anyone read it?' asked Max.

'Yeah, he's taken pot shots at all of us,' said Di. 'He reckons we've got the wrong stance on immigration, which will lose us the election, and apparently we've had to hire hot-shot consultants from the UK because we haven't got a clue how to run a campaign.'

'Roo Stanhope: Political Consultancy,' mocked Archie, distracting me from my misery.

I pulled myself together. 'I'm sorry, I've obviously missed something here so I'd be happy to refund this morning's extortionate consulting fee if I'm mistaken, but isn't O'Donoghue supposed to be on our side?'

'Ex-PMS tends to blur vision,' Luke continued with what he must have thought was winning wit. Clearly he'd had a better night that I had.

I never thought I'd say this, but you should've gone to the pub.

'In other news,' Di pressed on, 'Max kicked a.r.s.e in the debate last night and the PM has ruled out an additional debate, leading everyone to conclude she's chicken. The general feedback from punters is that even if they disagree with us on skilled immigration they think Max is a strong leader, so all in all it's a good result.'

'Thanks for your hard work on that, team,' said Max. 'I just got a call from Mirabelle. Our pollsters are saying we've probably picked up a few points since the debate, so we're pretty much neck and neck again. Do we have an agreed plan for the week ahead?'

Luke took the reins. 'Today you're in the Gold Coast to launch our 2021 High Speed Rail Network, then we're off to the other end of it in Fremantle. Our new ads will be coming out tonight in time for the Southpoll-they criticise the government's dirty tactics. Sh.e.l.ly is a guest host on Brekky tomorrow morning and we've got a few big FM interviews lined up for you.'

'Remind me to ask Abigail about what's cool at the moment,' said Max.

Maddy rolled her eyes and smiled.

'We're told Brennan will be making some sort of resources announcement,' said Luke, 'but she'll hammer home her tax cuts all week. On Wednesday night we'll be doing an economic policy announcement in Sydney. Thursday and Friday will be spent in Melbourne, and then country Victoria, reiterating our higher education policy and recycled water proposal. Sat.u.r.day will be largely dominated by the ”one week to go” a.n.a.lysis. At this stage you'll be with Sh.e.l.ly and Abigail in Melbourne for the day-get some rest. Next Thursday is the launch and then we've got Southpoll coming out on Sat.u.r.day, before the PM's launch on the Tuesday before polling day. Any questions?'

I had some questions. Why did I s.h.a.g a journalist? What's the maximum penalty for common a.s.sault occasioning bodily harm in Australia? Please can I take a duvet day? But there wasn't time. I gave Maddy the rest of my Redskins, took a raincheck on the explanation and had a lightning-speed shower. In convoy to the airport to catch our Coolangatta-bound flight, we listened to O'Donoghue on the airwaves. He used sentences beginning with 'back in my day' and ending with 'not good enough'.

My phone buzzed. It was Luke texting from the car in front.

Missed you at the pub. Sorry for late notice, but I need you to salvage a candidate in Ta.s.sie. Get yourself a flight to Launceston. I'll brief you when you get there. L Excellent, said my head, exile is exactly what you need.

Any chance Launceston is a tropical coastal resort with day spa and daiquiris aplenty? R No. L When we reached the airport, Maddy bade me farewell with a hug while I reluctantly booked my flight to what she called Woop Woop.

My phone rang again. Fran.

'How are you?' I didn't need to ask. She was terrible; I could hear it in her voice.

'Fine.'

'No, you're not.'

'Yes, I am. Why would you think I'm not fine?'

'You sound very unfine.'

'Unfine isn't even a word, Ruby. I'm completely fine. Clementine's fine. We're all fine. Everything's fine.'

'So you rang to tell me you're fine?'

'No, of course not. I rang to see how you are. You should try it sometime.'

I deserved that. 'Sorry, things have been really hectic here because we only have a fortnight until the election.' I scanned the lounge for intelligence-gatherers from the fourth estate. I lowered my voice just in case. 'I've been in Canberra, we've just had the debate, I was on the prep team for it, and there's a particularly good-looking journalist who turned out to be a-'

'Mark's having an affair.'

'What?' I was flabbergasted.

'I mean Mark Gardner, the man I married. The father of my daughter. Your brother-in-law. He is having an affair.' Her news made my articulated lorry feel more like a unicycle.

'Are you sure?' It seemed a logical question to ask until I got the answer.

'Yes, I'm sure. We woke up yesterday morning and he told me he's been sleeping with the professional indemnity partner.'

'Christ.' I urged my body to get over the shock as quickly as possible. 'What did you say?'

'I think this is the most distressing part. I said, ”Hurry up and get dressed; we're going to be late.”' She heaved hysterically and slurred, '”Hurry up and get dressed, we're going to be late.”'

'Late for what?'

'The church fete.'

'Are you drinking?'

'Yes. Wodka.'

Fran doesn't even like vodka. In fact, she has loathed it since becoming terribly ill on excess flirtinis at a work function, the projectile result of which also put me off the stuff. That and pineapple juice.

'Good la.s.s,' I encouraged. I needed to be there. There was no way I could do this from a chesterfield in the Qantas Club, Canberra.

'I don't know what to do, Ruby. Clementine seems oblivious to it, which is good. I can't bring myself to talk to Mark about it and even if I could he's at a jurisprudence conference in Bangladesh.' She swigged at her drink, ice cubes clinking against the side of the gla.s.s.

'This is what you're going to do,' I improvised. 'You're going to get on a plane with Clem and fly to Melbourne. You need time to digest this and you can't very well do that when you're drinking alone and caring for a five-year-old.'

'I can't go to Australia,' she wailed. 'Clementine has school.'

'She's five, Fran. What important life skill will she miss? Advanced Hopscotch? Communal Hamster Care? Colouring Inside the Lines 101? She's obnoxious enough as it is without superior crayon abilities.'

She laughed and hiccoughed. 'Where would we stay? What would we do?'

'Let me call Daphne and Debs. I'll just say Mark is away on business and you're thinking of coming out for a visit. I'm sure they'll put you up at their place in the Yarra Valley. Daphne couldn't be broodier at the moment and Clem will love it-there are puppies.'

'Will you be there, Ruby?' she asked with heart-wrenching desperation.

Now it was my turn to be the grown-up. 'I will be there.'

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