Part 10 (2/2)

Gentlemen are expected not to use cla.s.sical quotations before ladies without a slight apology and a translation, unless they are aware that the lady's educational training has made it possible for her to appreciate them. It would be well if they would use the same courtesy toward other men not gifted like themselves. For a general maxim, it may be here recommended not to air one's cla.s.sical learning unnecessarily, lest it savor of pedantry.

Guests should greet their hostess cordially, but a bow is usually sufficient to include the others present.

Young ladies visiting a strange city should not receive calls from a gentleman without requesting the privilege from their hostess, and hostess and daughters should be introduced to him. Always avoid the slightest appearance of seeming to use your friend's house for a rendezvous.

Deference to Ladies.

A gentleman rises when ladies leave the room. Ladies bow if it is a gentleman, rising if it is a lady acquaintance, or a lady much older than themselves. A gentleman rises when ladies enter a room, but never offers them his chair unless there should be no other in the room.

A gentleman carries his hat and cane into the drawing room with him in making a visit. His hostess should no more offer to relieve him of them that she would take fan and handkerchief from the hands of her lady guests. If he wears an outer coat he leaves that in the hall; if there should be no hall the hostess may ask him to put it on a chair or in another room. His hat and cane he either holds if he chooses, or places beside him on the floor, never on a chair or other article of furniture. If he intends spending the evening, he can, if he choose, leave hat and cane in the hall. Gentlemen should never bring friends with them to call upon ladies unless they have first received permission from them so to do.

After escorting a lady on the previous evening the gentleman should make a call upon her the following day, if possible. Gentlemen should not consult their watches during a ceremonious visit. If some pressing engagement should render this necessary, they should offer both an apology and an explanation.

A gentleman, unless invited, should never seat himself beside his hostess, but should take the chair pointed out to him.

Gentlemen, in receiving other gentlemen, go to the door to meet them and furnish them with seats.

The man of the house should escort ladies to their carriage, should they call while he is at home. If it be raining or otherwise disagreeable, and they have their own coachman, they should, however, beg him not to trouble himself.

Gentlemen should decline an invitation to spend the evening when making a first visit; indeed, such an invitation should never be given.

A man is usually asked to repeat his visit by the mistress of the house, not by the daughters, or else it is given by their chaperon.

What Not to Do.

Do not, according to the author of ”Don't,” be in haste to seat yourself; one appears fully as well and talks better, standing for a few moments. A man should always remain standing as long as there are any women standing in the room. A man should never take any article from a woman's hands--book, cup, flower, etc.--and remain seated, she standing. This rule is an imperative one; he must always rise to receive it.

Do not take young children when making formal calls; the hostess will be in terror as to the fate of her bric-a-brac, and the mother in dread as to what her young hopefuls may say or do.

Do not take pet dogs with you into the drawing room. Their feet may be dusty, they may be boisterous in expressing their feelings, and besides, some people have a perfect aversion to dogs, so that your visit, thus accompanied, is likely to be far from pleasant.

Do not meddle with, nor stare at the articles in the room. Do not toss over the cards in the card receiver, if there be one, and, while your name is being announced, do not wander impatiently around the room handling everything within reach.

Do not loll about in your chair, if a gentleman (a lady scarcely needs this caution), keep your feet squarely in front of you, not crossing them; ladies would do well to heed this also. Do not torment pet dogs or cats, or tease the children. Do not call the length of the room if you wish to address any one, but cross the room and speak to him quietly. Neither should you whisper to some one of the company, twist or curl your thumbs or hands, or play with the ta.s.sels on the furniture or window curtains, or commit any of the thousand and one blunders that mark the underbred and nervous visitor and render his presence an unwelcome trial.

There are a few other rules that would seem unnecessary to mention here were it not that they are so constantly sinned against. Among others it may be suggested not to do anything disagreeable in company.

Do not scratch the head or use a toothpick, earspoon or comb; these are for the privacy of your own apartment. Use a handkerchief whenever necessary, but without glancing at it afterwards, and be quiet and un.o.btrusive in the action as possible. Do not slam the door, do not tilt your chair back to the loosening of its joints, do not lean your head against the wall, as it will soil the papering; in short, do unto others as you would be done by.

Do not tell long stories, more especially if they are about yourself; do not argue; do not talk scandal, and be sure not to attack the religious beliefs of any one present. Do study the chapter on the ”Art of Conversation,” and cultivate, as much as possible, that self-repose of manner that is, above all things, a sign of the lady or gentleman.

The Reception-Room.

The arrangement of the reception-room itself has much to do with the pleasure of the visitor. Who does not remember those delightful parlors where the guests dropped into pleasant conversational groups as by magic, and contrast them mentally with those other chilly apartments where a sort of mental frost seems to settle over one's faculties and incapacitate them for use. Much of this may be avoided by a judicious arrangement of chairs and couches, just where people drop naturally into easy groups, or, for the time being, surround their hostess.

<script>