Part 5 (2/2)
Keep your temper under all circ.u.mstance while in company. Even if some remark has been made with plain intent to injure your feelings, an absolute ignoring of the intended sting will prevent others, and, most of all, the guilty party, from perceiving the depth of the wound. A true gentleman, or lady, is never quick to take offense.
Never ask impertinent or personal questions, unless these latter are called for by the nature of the conversation. Be careful not to give advice unless it is sought, and remember then that it is a commodity of which a very little goes a long way.
And last, but not least, utterly eschew all slang. There are some young ladies who apparently think that a little slang, to spice their remarks, is piquant and saucy, but, in the majority of cases they so soon overstep the mark and fall into the deplorable habit of constantly and copiously interlarding their speech with all manner of slang phrases, that one is forced to advocate total abstinence as the only safeguard.
The too common habit of exaggeration, on the part of so many schoolgirls and young ladies is also to be deplored, a quiet un.o.btrusiveness of speech always marking the true lady.
Do not, in speaking, too frequently mention your hearer by name. To do so implies either great familiarity on your part, or social inferiority on theirs. In this latter case it savors strongly of patronage.
In speaking to people always give them their proper t.i.tles, as: ”Colonel,” ”Doctor Jones,” ”Professor Gray.” Never make a practice of saying: ”That is so, Colonel,” but, ”That is so, Colonel Sharp.”
In mentioning a married daughter, unless to a very intimate friend, give her married t.i.tle, as: ”Mrs. Miller,” or, ”My daughter, Mrs.
Miller.” In speaking of unmarried daughters, or of sons (unless to servants), give them their Christian name, as Hattie or George, or else mention them, and this is better before strangers, as: ”My daughter,” or, ”My son.”
Misuse of Initials.
Never address persons by their initials, as: ”Mrs. W.,” ”Miss C.,”
”Mr. D.;” give them instead their full name. Neither should you call young ladies, ”Miss Mollie,” or ”Miss Jennie;” ”Miss Smith,” or, ”Miss Brown,” being in much better taste. Their Christian names should only be used to distinguish them from other sisters. Never address people by their Christian names unless very familiarly acquainted. This practice savors of ill-breeding and is often very annoying to the person so addressed.
In speaking of persons who are absent, mention them by their last name, as: ”Mrs. Roe,” ”Mr. Doe,” unless the intimacy is very great; even then care should be taken not to use their Christian names too freely among persons to whom they may be strangers.
A wife in speaking of her husband should rather say ”Mr. Smith,” than ”My husband;” but, above all, let her refrain from referring to her liege lord as ”he,” as if the whole wide world possessed no other mortal to whom that p.r.o.noun was applicable. Husbands should follow the same rules in referring to their wives.
Be careful not to interlard conversation with ”sir,” or ”ma'am.” In Europe these terms are relegated to the use of the lower cla.s.ses.
VISITING CARDS.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Cards are the sign manual of society. Their use and development belongs only to a high order of civilization. They accompany us, as one writer has justly remarked, all the way from the cradle to the grave. They begin with engraved announcements of the birth of a child, then cards for its christening, and, later on, dainty little cards of invitation for children's parties, until, in due time, the girl crosses that line
”Where the brook and river meet Womanhood and childhood sweet,”
sets up a card of her own, and blossoms forth into a young lady.
They announce the gaieties, the pleasures, the anniversaries of life: they inquire for us during our illness and sorrow, they return thanks for our gifts and attentions, and, finally, they commemorate to our friends the last, sad earthly scene and ring the curtain down.
The stress laid by society upon the correct usage of these magic bits of pasteboard will not seem unnecessary when it is remembered that the visiting card, socially defined, means, and is frequently made to take the place of, one's self. It will be seen, therefore, that one of the first requisites for social success is to understand the language, so to speak, of the visiting card. With this end in view the following suggestions on the subject have been carefully arranged with due regard to brevity, accuracy and ease of reference.
Style of the Card.
The card should be perfectly plain, fine in texture, thin, white, unglazed and engraved in simple script without flourishes. Gilt edges, rounded or clipped corners, tinted surfaces or any oddity of lettering, such as German or Old English text, are to be avoided. A photograph or any ornamentation whatever upon a card savors of ill-breeding or rusticity. Have the script engraved always, never printed. The engraved autograph is no longer considered in good taste, neither are written cards as elegant as those that are engraved.
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