Part 2 (1/2)

A Custom Out of Date.

Introductions at evening parties are, fortunately, very much out of date, except it is for partners in dancing, or unless there should be so many strangers present as to threaten overwhelming the entire party in speechless gloom. Occasionally in the country some old-fas.h.i.+oned hosts persist in handing each newcomer around the room like refreshments for an introduction to each one present. This custom puts the later arrivals in the position, as some one says, ”of making a semi-circular bow like a concert singer before an audience,” and this, to non-professionals, is not a little embarra.s.sing.

Timid people, and people unaccustomed to the rules of social etiquette, always feel a certain dread in going through the slight formality of an introduction. Nothing, however, if one remembers a few timely hints, can be simpler than this little ceremony so necessary for each of us to perform many times in our intercourse with others.

Recollect always to introduce the gentleman to the lady, never the lady to the gentleman, except in the case of very exalted rank, extreme age or the possession of great eminence in intellectual or artistic life; otherwise, the rule is inflexible save in introducing a youthful ”rosebud” formally to an elderly gentleman, in which case you would present her to him. The chivalry of etiquette a.s.sumes that a man is always honored by presentation to a lady.

In introducing ladies, present the younger to the elder, unless in case of some marked exception such as those given above.

The simplest form in presenting one person to another is always the best. A wife presents her husband as ”Mr. North,” ”Colonel North,” or ”Doctor North,” always giving him his rightful t.i.tles. The wife of the President should introduce him as ”The President,” while we should address him as ”Mr. President.”

In introducing a gentleman to a lady one should say, ”Mrs. A., allow (or permit) me to introduce (or present) Mr. B.; Mr. B., Mrs. A.,”

being sure that the names are distinctly p.r.o.nounced. If this should not be the case, let the parties themselves ask it at once, a simple ”I beg pardon, I did not understand the name,” saving much future annoyance.

Forms of Introduction.

In introducing two ladies the same formula may be used, as: ”Mrs. Y., allow me to introduce Mrs. Z.; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y.” Or one may say: ”Mrs.

Y., this is my friend Mrs. Z.; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y.” A still further variation is to say ”Mrs. Y., I believe you have never met Mrs. Z.; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y.” In introducing two gentlemen any of the above forms may be used. If the introduction is given simply for business purposes it should be short and concise, as: Mr. A., Mr. B.; Mr. B., Mr. A.

In introducing a stranger it will always be well to make some little explanatory remark that may be used as a stepping-stone toward beginning a conversation, thus ”Miss S., allow me to present Mr. T., who is just back from Africa,” or, ”Miss E., this is my friend Mr. F., the composer of that little song you sang just now.” Any remark like this always serves to make the opening of the conversation easier.

An introduction received, or solicited, simply for your own convenience, as a business recommendation, or otherwise, ent.i.tles you to no after benefits, or social recognition.

Where there are several waiting for an introduction to the same individual, name the latter first, then in succession name the others, bowing slightly, as each name is p.r.o.nounced, in the direction of the one named. Thus: ”Colonel Parker, allow me to present to you Mrs. Roe, Miss Doe, and Doctor Brown,” being sure always to give every one their full honorary t.i.tle in making the introduction.

In introducing relatives be very sure to give their full name. A sister, for instance, should be introduced as, ”My sister, Miss Roe;”

or, ”Miss Mary Roe,” or, ”My sister, Mrs. Doe,” as the case may be, making sure always never to say ”My sister Mary,” or, ”My brother Joe,” thereby leaving the stranger ignorant as to name or estate.

A mother is always at liberty to introduce her son or daughter; a husband is supposed always to introduce his wife, and a wife her husband.

What Should Follow the Introduction.

Nowadays, the usual recognition of an introduction is by a formal bow.

Handshaking rarely occurs and a gentleman introduced to a lady never offers his hand unless she should first extend her own. The inclination on the part of the lady is slight, that of the gentleman deeper. The custom of a courtesy by the lady has scarcely taken root in this country.

A hostess receiving in her own parlors is at liberty, if she should wish, to extend her hand to all comers.

A gentleman upon being introduced to a lady usually suggests that he is ”Happy to make her acquaintance,” or, ”Delighted to make the acquaintance of Miss B----,” though, if he choose, he may simply bow, repeating her name. A lady, upon introduction to a gentleman, simply bows, possibly repeating his name, but never is ”happy” or ”delighted”

to make his acquaintance. The pleasure is supposed to be upon his part, the condescension upon her side. She should, however, upon his expression of pleasure, bow, with a slight smile, or a murmured ”Thank you,” in return, though, a married lady, especially if she be a little the elder, may cordially say she is ”glad to meet him.”

It is the place of a gentleman, after an introduction to a lady, to make some remark calculated to set the conversational ball rolling, and she should endeavor to supplement his efforts sufficiently to keep up the conversation. If, however, the gentleman be younger than the lady and somewhat embarra.s.sed, she should show sufficient tact to open the conversation herself. If the introduction is between two ladies, the one who is introduced should make the first remark.

Letters of Introduction are fully commented upon and explained in this volume in the Department on Correspondence, where the proper forms for such letters are given.

All introductions, however annoying, should be received pleasantly and acknowledged fully while under the roof where they are given, though, an hour after, the two might pa.s.s one another in speechless silence.

This is for the hostess' sake, and so great is this solicitude on the part of the well-bred that mortal enemies have met and smiled across the mahogany of a mutual friend, thus preventing the utter chagrin of a hostess who discovers, by frowning faces and averted gaze, that her carefully arranged dinner is a partial failure.