Part 12 (1/2)
When I think about the divine whispers that have been delivered to me by real live people along the way, my mind traces all the way back to my teenage years, when after the burger dinner with a mentor from our church that I described in chapter 1, I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling with that man's words banging around in my brain. ”What are you going to do with your life that will last forever?” he had asked me at the restaurant that night.
It was a radical thought, the idea of turning everything over to a Being I could not see. But forty years later I realize that the trajectory of my spiritual journey was actually set on that single night. The man had told me that to accept his challenge I only had to put my life in G.o.d's hands for as long as G.o.d proved himself trustworthy. The moment G.o.d made a mistake, I could bail on the deal then and there.
I've long since given up on the notion that G.o.d ever will fumble the ball in my life. Heeding the wise prompting from that man would go down as the most sensible step I've ever taken. One simple whisper. One tentative but receptive spirit. One life forever changed.
ANOTHER BIT OF COUNSEL THAT CAME BY WAY OF A FRIEND showed up during the early years of Willow. Lynne and I had become close friends with a family that was part of the church. We were consistently struck by how deeply this family loved each other. We wanted our family to be like that, but we weren't entirely sure where we should begin.
One weekend after the wors.h.i.+p service, the father of that family approached me.
”Bill,” he said, ”I think you're doing a good job of leading our church, but I'm curious if you're open to a piece of advice on the family front.”
”Absolutely,” I said, and I meant it.
”You might think about using your vacation time more wisely,” he said. ”Instead of just staying away from church stuff and calling that your time off, consider using vacations as opportunities to make an investment in your family...to infuse your family with adventure and joy.”
What he said gripped me. During my early years of ministry, my tendency whenever I took days off work was either to continue working (from home), or to hang out with a few guy friends. But I wasn't fooling anybody. And my family certainly wasn't benefiting from this trend.
I asked a few questions for clarification and learned that the man and his wife made it a priority to take two family vacations each year. Well in advance of the trips, they would involve their kids in the planning process and build a strong sense of antic.i.p.ation for what would soon unfold. While they were gone they would squeeze every ounce of family time out of the experience, and once they returned they'd tell stories, share memories and look at photo-alb.u.m snapshots as they relived the great time they'd had.
For the past twenty-five years, that single prompting from G.o.d through that dad has had more of an effect on the Hybels family than any other counsel we've received. We too have prioritized taking a family vacation or two each year-sometimes to exciting places and sometimes to a tiny town in Michigan, where we can just rest and boat and swim. And like the family that modeled this behavior for us, we too watched our family learn to love each other far better as a result.
Several years ago, the kids and Lynne and I were enjoying our final dinner together on one of those vacations, and I asked them to share two or three family memories that were most important to them. Without exception, those memories were made while on vacation together somewhere. As Shauna and Todd began recounting each trip, Lynne and I were stunned by how vivid their recollections were. They remembered every city, every hotel and nearly every restaurant where we ate. Todd recalled every rental car, truck or boat; Shauna recalled every social activity we engaged in; and all of us recalled the years when our vacations were dampened by unwelcomed weather or hijacked by the flu.
Still, through good times and bad, sickness and health, those getaways forged in our family bonds that honor each other and G.o.d. All because of one well-placed whisper from a friend.
I WISH I COULD SAY THAT EVERY WHISPER I RECEIVED ALONG the way involved smooth-sailing subjects like feel-good vacations and fond family memories, but that's not the case. A couple of whispers, courtesy of one very good friend, caused huge waves in my life.
For years, Lynne and I had been involved in a small group with friends from church. We would get together once a week to talk about what was going on in our lives and then to pray about various struggles and share with each other what the Bible would advise us to do. In terms of format, we typically would conduct our meeting, enjoy a meal together, pray together and then if possible hang out for a few minutes longer, just to shoot the breeze.
After one such meeting-during that ”shoot the breeze” time-one of these close friends approached me with a gale-force whisper from G.o.d.
”Bill, I'm concerned about your heart,” she said.
She went on to explain that in her view, the way I had conducted myself during the meeting that night bore evidence of a certain ”layering over,” as she called it.
”When your heart gets layered over by protectiveness because of the tough ministry hits you've taken through the years,” she said, ”you become less sensitive to the hearts of others. I think this dynamic deserves your honest reflection.”
As she spoke these words of truth, her eyes stayed trained on mine. She said her piece slowly, tenderly and with compa.s.sion, which didn't surprise me, given how undeniably supportive she and her husband had been of my family, my ministry and me as an individual. I knew she had my best interest at heart, but I wasn't sure how to change this ”layering over” that she observed in me.
Several weeks later-again following a small-group meeting-this same friend approached me and asked if we could talk. She had been observing the pace of my life and how it was causing me gradually to pull away from close friends.h.i.+ps. Willow had just moved from two services a week to five because the church was growing so fast, ministry to the international church was just firing up, the Willow Creek a.s.sociation was getting underway and we had just launched a ma.s.sive building program. I barely could keep my professional plates spinning, let alone carve out time on the personal front. Even worse, I was neglecting the care of my own soul and now was dangerously close to a crash.
”I'm sensing that my words a few weeks ago didn't help, and your ongoing behavior is causing even greater concern,” she said. ”Bill, I've prayed about this, and I think it's time for you to go see a Christian counselor.”
The instant that she conveyed her thoughts, I knew that she was right. G.o.d was offering me a lifeline in the form of this friend's advice, and the most foolish thing I could do was to neglect to act upon the input I'd just received.
Her single-sentence whisper from G.o.d wound up costing me hundreds of hours-and thousands of dollars in counseling fees. But in the long run, it saved me far more than it cost. The much-needed investment I made in healing and growing my inner world during that season led to greater relational, emotional and even professional health. Two months ago, when I stood on the platform in our church's main auditorium and said, ”Happy thirty-fourth anniversary, Willow!” I thought to myself, I wouldn't still be here had that friend not taken whispers seriously.
ONE OF THE MOST PROFOUND WHISPERS I EVER RECEIVED WAS delivered to me around that same season of life. After wors.h.i.+p services one weekend, a friend walked me to my car.
The message I'd delivered that weekend, by G.o.d's grace, had felt anointed. The congregation's response was overwhelmingly positive. It was one of those experiences that pastors wish they could frame and hang on the wall, just so on tougher weekends they could remember a fonder time.
On the way to my car, my friend said, ”G.o.d really used you today, Bill. What a tremendous service, and what a powerful message...” When we finally reached my car, he turned toward me and said, ”Hey, just one small thing. And don't make too much of it-please-but when you mentioned in one of your sermon ill.u.s.trations a 'seven-car pileup,' were you referencing the accident that our small group saw last week, when we were on our way back from lunch?”
”Yes,” I replied.
”Well, I'm not trying to be a stickler here, but it was a three-car wreck at most.” He paused for a moment before continuing, while I absorbed his words.
”Bill, G.o.d consistently speaks through you in an extremely powerful way,” he said. ”You don't need to try to spike your impact by another 10 or 15 percent through exaggeration-or any other means. There's plenty of power already coming through. To those of us who know you well, the exaggeration doesn't increase the sense of anointing; it actually reduces your credibility some.”
I cringed. What he said rang true.
”Listen,” he continued, placing a hand on my shoulder. ”When you speak, G.o.d uses you in amazing ways. My plea is that you'd rest in his strength, instead of adding cars to the pileup when you're on stage.”
I remember that prompting like it was delivered to me this morning. And still today, whenever I am tempted to add a little pizzazz to my talks, I think about his exhortation: ”Don't add cars to the pileup.”
”Trust in the LORD with all your heart,” Proverbs 3:5a6 advises, ”and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” G.o.d straightens our paths by supplying generalized guidance via large-group opportunities, such as weekend wors.h.i.+p services or conference sessions where the Bible is taught; he provides insights during the practice of private, spiritual disciplines; and he offers ”a.s.sistance with skin on it” by whispering to us through caring exchanges like that one in the parking lot that day.
I think back on some of the persistent whispers I've been blessed enough to receive and know that I'd be half the man and leader I am today had I not heeded those powerful words.
Sue Miller was one such conduit of whispers. Sue and I have known each other since we were high-school kids, and our friends.h.i.+p would carry us through serving in a youth group, starting a church and migrating into adulthood. She was in Lynne's and my wedding, and we would later stand by her side when she was the one saying vows. We'd vacation together as families and celebrate the fact that ministry partners could actually be friends.
Sue always has had a pa.s.sion for seeing children educated in the things of G.o.d in inventive and engaging ways. From the get-go, she would tell me, ”Bill, kids matter! Children's ministry matters! This vital part of G.o.d's church should receive more staff and funding and support from senior leaders.” It would take me some time to incorporate that truth, but eventually I did get her point. Her consistent whisper eventually led to children's ministry at Willow getting the staff and funding and support she requested. And today, when I walk through Willow's Promiseland ministry and see the legacy that one woman has left, I think of the countless children who have chosen Jesus as their Leader and Savior because of Sue's vision. I thank G.o.d for using her persistent whispers to enlighten me about investing in future generations.
G.o.d has sent other whisperers, beating various drums that would serve as instruments of change in my life. From my mentor and college professor Dr. Gilbert Bilezikian, the drumbeat was, ”Servanthood matters!” From Nancy Beach, who was a part of the original youth group that eventually gave birth to the church, it was, ”Bill, the arts matter! Artists matter!” From my wife, Lynne, it was, ”People stricken with AIDS matter. People suffering through extreme poverty matter!” From my psychologist friend Henry Cloud, it was, ”Your inner world matters, Bill. You can't solve everything with your head.” From John Maxwell, the drumbeat was, ”Leaders.h.i.+p matters-especially leaders.h.i.+p in the local church.” The list of drumbeats could go on.
In The Message transliteration of the Bible, Proverbs 2:1a5 reads like this: ”Good friend, take to heart what I'm telling you; collect my counsels and guard them with your life. Tune your ears to the world of Wisdom; set your heart on a life of Understanding. That's right-if you make Insight your priority, and won't take no for an answer, searching for it like a prospector panning for gold, like an adventurer on a treasure hunt, believe me, before you know it Fear-of-G.o.d will be yours; you'll have come upon the Knowledge of G.o.d.” What a powerful image, that of a prospector panning for gold. Just imagine if everyone you knew searched for insight like that. Imagine if you consistently did so yourself.
When you and I live wide open to divine direction courtesy of someone who loves G.o.d and loves us-and when we receive those whispers with humility and grace to spare-those whispers become like beautifully wrapped presents that we can enjoy throughout the rest of our lives.
Several weeks ago while at a gathering, I engaged in what I thought was friendly banter with another person in the room. I think I was giving the guy grief about his golf game, but whatever it was, I thought it was all in good fun.
An Elder of our church was at the same get-together and happened to overhear the exchange. As the man I was teasing stepped away to get something to eat, the Elder approached.
”You know I love you, Bill,” he said, ”but some people are more comfortable with your bantering than others. Please be discerning with your teasing.”
Though I appreciated the Elder's intent, and the gentle way he had conveyed this message, I felt a twinge of defensiveness. ”C'mon,” I thought, ”lighten up. I was only joking.”
But then I sensed G.o.d saying, ”That was a gift, Bill. Reflect on what he is saying, because he's right. Don't neglect the counsel you are being given.”
As the Holy Spirit confirmed what the Elder had conveyed, I felt my defenses drop. G.o.d was letting me know, ”No real damage was done here tonight, but if you don't take heed, you could harm someone in future days.” Through the one-two punch of the Elder's words and the Spirit's follow-through, I sensed I had dodged a future bullet, and I was grateful.
Fast forward to a few nights ago, when our Elder board convened for our monthly meeting. Most of us have sat around that Elder table for many years-decades, even-but for one new member, a G.o.dly man with long-tenured partic.i.p.ation in our church, this was only his second meeting.