Part 23 (1/2)
”Life is very strange,” he said dreamily. ”Isn't it strange to have cared very much for a thing--and then one day to feel it as nothing at all?”
She looked inquiringly at him.
”My own life, for instance. Up to now, it has been a beautiful story, but now....”
”Now...?”
”Now, I can't see what it is--or if it is anything at all. Going from place to place, from river to river--from one adventure to another....”
Again there was a pause.
”But why do you live so?” she asked timidly. ”I have so often wondered.”
”I wonder myself sometimes why I must live so--or if I must--but it goes on all the same.”
”Must...? But your home ... your father and mother, are they still alive? You have never spoken of them.”
”Yes, they are still alive.”
”And couldn't you live with them?”
”No,” he said coldly. ”They could not make me stay.”
”But aren't you fond of them?” she asked in surprise.
He was silent a moment. ”Yes,” he said at last, ”I am fond of them--as I am fond of many other things. But there is nothing that can hold me for long.”
Something within him was striving for utterance--something he had long restrained.
”And now,” he went on, almost violently, ”I want....” He stopped.
”You want...?”
”It is something to do with you, Kyllikki,” he said earnestly, as if in warning.
”Tell me. You need not be afraid,” said the girl in a low voice.
”I want to say good-bye to you--and _not_ as friends,” he said pa.s.sionately.
”Not--not as friends?”
”That is what I said. We met first--you know how it was--it was no friendly meeting. And best if we could leave each other that way too.”
”But why...?”
”Because--shall I tell you?”
”I want you to.”
He looked her sharply and coldly in the eyes. ”Because you have not been what I hoped you would. Ay, and thought you would. I was proud and happy when I knew I had won your friends.h.i.+p. But I thought I had won more than that--something warmer and deeper--a thing complete.”