Part 4 (1/2)
”Before we get started, I'll need everyone's payment in exact change like we discussed earlier,” Ma.s.sie announced. She felt a little strange taking money from Claire, Alicia, and Dylan but they knew it was going to a good cause. After collecting twenty-dollar bills from her eight students, Ma.s.sie immediately stuffed the hundred-and-sixty-dollar wad into the back pocket of Kristen's rhinestone ”J” Juicy Couture jeans.
”Add it to your Lake Placid fund,” Ma.s.sie whispered to Kristen.
”Thanks.” Kristen beamed. She held her camera with new enthusiasm and pointed it at the left half of Ma.s.sie's face, because everyone everyone knew it was her favorite side. knew it was her favorite side.
The girls rearranged the dark wood stools into a semicircle and put the only director's chair in the center for Ma.s.sie. Alicia sprayed her Angel perfume to try and get rid of the stuffy dusty-old-book-and-rotting-wet-wood chapel-y smell. Only now it reeked like someone had smashed a bottle of perfume on a damp tree trunk. But it was an improvement.
”Let me start by welcoming you to MUCK, or Ma.s.sie's Underground Clinic for Kissing.” She plugged her mini DVD player into the wall socket and pulled a s.h.i.+ny disc out of a light pink plastic sleeve.
”Ehmagawd, you know what MUCK sounds like?” Olivia snickered into her delicate palm.
”Uh, yeah,” Ma.s.sie snapped. It should have gone without saying.
”Lovethatname,” Carrie said to Livvy and Alexandra, who were seated on either side of her.
”Me too,” Alexandra gushed. ”It's so naughty.”
Livvy's bulgy hazel eyes were fixed on Ma.s.sie.
”The first thing every kissing bandit needs is a great gloss.” Ma.s.sie reached into her black Prada messenger bag. Seconds later she pulled out a gray Jimmy Choo shoe bag. It was filled with the stinky flavors Ma.s.sie had received from her daily delivery of Glossip Girl lip gloss (her parents had signed her up for a ”subscription” as one of her many Christmas presents).
She avoided the disappointed looks from Claire, Alicia, and Dylan, who knew Ma.s.sie would never part with any of the good flavors. But the new girls had no idea they were getting Ma.s.sie's rejects. They were beyond psyched when they were handed BBQ Chicken, California Roll, Kosher Dill, and Spaghetti Bolognese.
Livvy immediately smeared the stinky gloss on her puffy lips. ”Mmmmm, it even tastes tastes like sus.h.i.+.” She used her front teeth to sc.r.a.pe some into her mouth. like sus.h.i.+.” She used her front teeth to sc.r.a.pe some into her mouth.
”How do they get pickles inside this tiny hole?” Olivia examined the tube.
”They use tickles,” Layne offered. Everyone crinkled their waxed eyebrows trying to figure out whether they'd heard her correctly. ”Tiny pickles.”
It was such a stupid answer to an even stupider question that Ma.s.sie actually laughed along with the others.
”How cute.” Olivia sniffed her Glossip Girl with maternal tenderness.
”Trythisone.” Carrie squeezed her tube so that a glob of BBQ Chicken oozed out. ”ItsmellslikethefourthofJuly.”
”This one is better.” Alexandra puckered her s.h.i.+ny lips so they touched the tip of her hawk nose. She inhaled deeply. ”Yummm, meat sauce. Guys are going to hunger hunger to kiss me, get it?” to kiss me, get it?”
Dylan rolled her eyes. ”So will stray dogs.”
Alicia cracked up and high-fived her friend.
Ma.s.sie choked down her laughter. Normally, she would have been the first to bust on Alexandra's attempt at humor but she needed these girls to love her a trillion times more than they'd ever loved Nina. Once they did, there would be plenty of time to make fun of them.
”Mine smells like an outhouse.” Layne dry-heaved. ”What is this stuff?”
Claire elbowed Layne in the ribs and mouthed, ”Be nice.”
”What?” Layne whispered to Claire. ”Why?” But Claire didn't answer. Instead she turned her attention back to Ma.s.sie, probably hoping Layne would do the same.
It still made Ma.s.sie uncomfortable to know that someone besides her black pug, Bean, knew she was lying about her kissing experience, but if it had to be anyone, Ma.s.sie was glad it was Claire. ”So let's get started.”
Ma.s.sie turned the small screen on her portable DVD player so it faced the girls, slid in the CD, then pressed play. A slow montage of s.e.xy photos that Ma.s.sie had cut out of magazines and coffee-table books around her house and scanned into her computer flashed onto the screen, one after the other. They appeared and faded in perfect time to the dreamy beat of ”Caribbean Blue” by Enya, one of Kendra's favorite New Age artists. Ma.s.sie knew the girls would have no idea what they were listening to and hoped that the haunting Irish music would cast an air of romance and mystery over her presentation.
”Wow.” Alexandra sighed. ”This is like p.o.r.no.”
”Are we going to get into trouble?” Livvy asked as she chewed her lip.
”Shhhh.” Carrie rolled her eyes to let Ma.s.sie know she was embarra.s.sed for her friends.
Ma.s.sie took a deep breath and continued. ”As you can see, everyone in these images is kissing.” kissing.” She spoke over the music. ”There is kissing in advertising,” she said about the Calvin Klein ad where the young couple's lips barely touched. ”Kissing in art.” She tapped the screen when the famous Gustav Klimt painting called She spoke over the music. ”There is kissing in advertising,” she said about the Calvin Klein ad where the young couple's lips barely touched. ”Kissing in art.” She tapped the screen when the famous Gustav Klimt painting called The Kiss The Kiss appeared. ”And kissing in movies.” And sure enough, up came a photo from the movie appeared. ”And kissing in movies.” And sure enough, up came a photo from the movie The Notebook The Notebook showing Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams locked in a heated embrace. There were sweaty models in skimpy bathing suits pa.s.sionately making out on the beach, delicate romantic kisses in ads for engagement rings, and countless perfume campaigns where the women looked into the camera instead of the eyes of the genetically perfect men they were seducing. showing Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams locked in a heated embrace. There were sweaty models in skimpy bathing suits pa.s.sionately making out on the beach, delicate romantic kisses in ads for engagement rings, and countless perfume campaigns where the women looked into the camera instead of the eyes of the genetically perfect men they were seducing.
”Are we going to learn to kiss like that?” that?” Alexandra's green, cat-shaped eyes flickered with hope. Ma.s.sie noticed they were the same color as her braces and wondered if that was done on purpose. Alexandra's green, cat-shaped eyes flickered with hope. Ma.s.sie noticed they were the same color as her braces and wondered if that was done on purpose.
”Which one?” Ma.s.sie asked.
”All of them.” Alexandra gathered her long, straight brown hair with one hand and fanned the back of her neck with the other. ”I think it's important we learn all of the different styles.”
”Keep it in your pants, sister,” Ma.s.sie said. ”First you have to learn the basics.”
”I agree. I always forget what third base is,” Olivia said with total sincerity.
”I said the basics basics, not the bases bases,” Ma.s.sie said.
”Still.” Olivia shrugged and slid off her tan suede blazer. She was wearing a ballet pink Pet.i.t Bateaux tank top underneath that revealed her thin, muscular arms and pointy little A-cups. They reminded Ma.s.sie of Hershey's Kisses, and she suddenly realized she hadn't eaten since breakfast.
”Now, what do all of these images have in common?” Ma.s.sie asked, trying to forget about her hunger.
”Is she serious?” Layne popped open a peach-flavored Go-Gurt and took a swig.
”They were all taken from your mother's magazines?” Alicia joked.
Dylan giggled. Claire bit her pinky nail.
”No.” Ma.s.sie sighed. ”All of their lips are touching. And that's what kissing is.”
Layne burst out laughing. ”I want my money back.”
Claire elbowed her in the ribs. ”Shhhh,” she hissed.
”Are you seri-” Layne started to say to Claire but was cut off by Livvy.
”But their lips aren't touching in the painting of The Kiss. The Kiss. He's kissing her neck.” He's kissing her neck.”
Everyone looked at Ma.s.sie to see how she would handle Livvy's keen observation.
Ma.s.sie could feel a familiar p.r.i.c.kly heat under her arms. ”Great call, Livvy. I was hoping someone would notice that.”
Livvy sat up a little taller on her stool and playfully kicked her dangling legs back and forth. ”Thanks.”
”The man is kissing the woman's neck, which can be considered a kiss.” Ma.s.sie paused for effect. ”But not a make-out.”