36 Epiphany (2/2)
”I know that.” He sighed. ”I got over it almost immediately. I never knew I was such a heartless bastard before that.” He paused for a moment before continuing to speak, ”After my father's death, I joined Sinless and began working nonstop to build my own power. A power that could contend with the government and various sinner groups. A power that would guarantee the freedom I so deeply desired. Now it's all ruined. The entire world thinks I'm an esper. Sinless will refuse to have anything to do with me.” He stared woodenly at the sky as he slumped in his chair. He looked like a completely defeated man.
”You've been to a lot of different places and groups. It makes sense your tired.” She tried to comfort.
”No.” He shook his head. ”I'm not just tired. I'm done. The government will probably find me soon since I'm not wearing mana-wave blocking clothes anymore. They'll either throw me in the cage for joining Blood-Lust or parade me around like a puppet as the hero of Georgia.”
Yuki fiddled with her fingers as silence overcame the two. 'He's really been through a lot... In just a few months he lost everything he cared about. He suffered the heights of physical and emotional torture. Then everything he worked so hard to build crumbled down before him... All he wanted was his freedom... Wait, is that really what he wanted?'
She looked him in the eyes and hesitantly spoke, ”Are you sure it's freedom you wanted?”
”Hmm?” He looked over lazily. ”Of course. Freedom from oppression. I wanted to do whatever I wanted without others being able to interfere.”
”Then why did you try to take over Sinless?” She questioned.
”I told you already.” He sighed. ”To have a power on equal footing with the government.”
”That isn't freedom.” She shook her head. ”If you wanted freedom, you could have just run away. Especially after getting those mana-wave blocking clothes you mentioned.”
”It isn't the same.” He disagreed. ”I wouldn't be able to do whatever I want. I'd have to keep my head down.”
”Would you?” She questioned. ”Surely there are powerful espers that do whatever they want without being tied to an organization? You could just do what you want and run away if you get caught.”
”That...” The boy scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.
”It sounds to me like you wanted power, authority, and control. Everything you did was binding you to the organization you worked for. Does working yourself to death for such a group sound like something somebody who desired freedom would do?”
...
Ed's eyes widened in realization. 'Was I wrong the entire time? Everything I did to strive for ultimate freedom just ended up as the chains that bound me? Was I wrong to join Sinless just like I was wrong to join Blood-Lust and the academy? Is my life nothing but a series of stupid mistakes?!'
”There's two possibilities behind what you've done.” Yuki said.
He glanced up at her and stared into her eyes. Before he realized it, he had started to hang on every word she said.
”The first possibility is that you made mistakes in the path you chose for your desired freedom. The second possibility is that you never really wanted freedom. You wanted power, authority, and control. Your subconsciousness led you to take actions that would lead you there whether you realized it or not.” She looked straight into his eyes. ”Did you enjoy your time leading and controlling others? The feeling of having total control? Or did you just want to run away and enjoy the boundless skies in pursuit of freedom?”
Ed's body trembled at the question. 'Was I happy when I controlled Sinless? I LOVED IT! Those idiots listened to every word I said! They looked at me like I was their messiah leading them out from hell into paradise! Everything within my domain was mine to control! No one was allowed to stand in the way of what I wanted!'
”HAHAHAHA!!!” He began laughing aloud. His body shook heavily as he lost control of his emotions. Tears formed in his eyes. He slowly calmed down and looked back at the girl. He spoke so low it was nearly a whisper, ”It was bliss.” He smiled. ”I never wanted freedom. Just like others have controlled me, I wanted to control others. Some people are meant to be used, others are meant to be users. I'm definitely the latter.”
'Why am I telling her all this?' He grinned as he settled back down in the chair. 'Perhaps this is why therapist are so successful. I haven't felt this good in a long time.' He looked over at her and saw her frowning. She seemed deep in thought. ”What is it?” He questioned.
She awoke from her stupor. ”Nothing. I just thought you're a bit odd. So now that you've figured out what you want, what are you going to do about it?”
”Do about it?” He frowned. His depressed expression reappeared. ”I was already kicked out of Sinless. All my hard work is destroyed. Even if I disguised myself as somebody else, I'd have to start over from scratch.”
”Does it have to be Sinless?” She questioned. ”Why not just make your own power?”
”My own power?” Ed snorted. ”Do you know how time consuming and difficult that would be? Existing organizations would suppress me. Besides, I would need some sort of mass appeal to attract members. Something which existing organizations have spent many years building for themselves.”
”Mass appeal?” She smiled. ”Like the mass appeal of being a hero?”
”That...” His eyes widened. 'She's right. I'm the hero of Atlanta after all. I have the mass appeal. In other words, my marketing is already half-finished. A base? I'll take back my base in Reef city by force if I must.' His eyes sharpened with resolve. 'I'll crush anyone that stands in my way!'
He stood up. ”I'll do it. I'll create my own power. One that nothing else can compare to.” He glanced at her while smiling confidently. ”Are you sure you won't regret helping me like this? You may have just unleashed a new monster upon the world.”
”I don't know.” She shook her head. ”I don't remember, so I don't know if I'd normally help you like this or not. However, that leads me to my final question.”
”Oh?” He questioned.
”Why did you take me with you from the hospital?” She frowned. ”We're clearly not closely related in any way. You could have just left me there until my father picked me up.”
”Oh, that.” He nodded. ”I took you away since I owed you a favor. It's likely you saved my life by blocking the collateral damage of that nightmare's last attack. Actually, if we count our talk today then I suppose you could say I now owe you two favors.”
”What favors could you possibly do for me?” She questioned. ”You already said my father is the most powerful esper in the world. Surely I can have whatever I want anyways?”
”Heh.” He snorted. ”I don't think your child abuser of a father is the coddling type.”
”Don't talk about my father that way!” She yelled angrily.
”Hmm? You still defend him even after losing your memories. How deep did that man's brainwashing go?” He sighed in amazement. ”It's truly impressive.”
”You!!” She stood up angrily.
”Anyways.” He interrupted her. ”For the first favor, I will fix your face as good as new. You can hold onto the second favor for as long as you want.”
”You can fix my scar?” She questioned suspiciously.
”Of course.” He grinned. ”I just need to go prepare some materials first. I also need to prepare for the grand ceremony in a couple days. I'll be back soon.” He walked back into the hotel room from the balcony. Then he exited the room to leave the hotel. Yuki watched his back as he left, seemingly with mixed feelings.