Part 10 (2/2)

Since their agreement Lucina had kept her distance. Penny couldn't help feeling isolated, wondering if Lucina still shared the same ideals. Now she was afraid to be left alone with the full knowledge of what they were doing and its monumental power. Only Hep had given her any time and now he too was elsewhere with her son. Alexander was to have provided her with the companions.h.i.+p she missed, but now he too was absent. The pleasure of success was severely tempered by an overwhelming fear of being alone with more power than was right for one person. a.s.sailed by doubts of the propriety of the thing now wrought she sat with Ric, alone in her private suite of rooms in the converted attics at Markham, after the party.

'You're quiet - a bit flat?' he asked softly, feeling a need to break the silence.

She did not speak, unsure how to react. Perhaps the size of the task they had been working on alarmed him as well. But the ultimate responsibility was not his, he was still able to pa.s.s the buck.

'Speak to me Penny, what is it?'

'You feel it too?'

She turned sharply towards him. She owed him much, he had been undyingly loyal through all the difficulties of the last ten years. She had hired him as perhaps the best software programmer in the world. His 'Biteasy' programmes were sold and pirated world-wide. He was a multi-billionaire through the owners.h.i.+p of the rights to the working software of eighty five percent of PC's in the world, and yet had agreed to work with her in JNO. Lucina had introduced them at a software convention in Los Angeles and she had been overwhelmed with his vision of the possibilities of computer development and communications. It would not be true to say she had hired him. He already had more money than it was possible to spend in several dozen lifetimes and she soon discovered he was bored. Penny had told him about the potential of JNO and he saw its aims as the epitome of his own ambitions for the power of computing. At heart he was a simple computer scientist, dedicated to making computers as powerful a means of communication as money and technology could manage. Penny's drive and her dedication to the huge task JNO had adopted was the perfect vehicle for his abilities. JNO's ideals were self-evidently sensible and necessary but in the end he was more concerned with the technology than its application.

'Always remember Penny you gave me direction when my life seemed impossible. Your certainty alone made all this happen, but you know that already....don't you?'

Unable to hold his eye, she felt an utter fraud. The certainty he was talking of drew its strength from Lucina's matter of fact acceptance of the inevitability of what they did and from Thea's sense of its simple rightness. Alone she could never have taken on such work, no one could. It was the work of a crazed megalomaniac to attempt, G.o.d-like, to control the economic activity of the whole world. Whatever the potential 'good' of a positive redirection of the exploitation of nature, who was she to think she could handle such an insane enterprise? In short, it came not at all from her but from 'Them.'

In her own opinion, until now, she was merely an 'operative'. A helper in Lucina's enterprise. Was Ric aware that at this moment of achievement, this moment when the means were delivered she felt she had no real grasp on anything, particularly the next stage?

She realised how dependent on the Firm she really was. Lucina and Thea would have no doubts about what to do now and Alexander was being trained by them at this moment. Should she tell Ric that deep within she knew she had been used? She was a p.a.w.n in a wider game and had never found the inner strength to effectively question what was happening. Partly from her own unchallenged a.s.sumption that she would manage to maintain her integrity despite 'Them' and partly because the game was hugely and sufficiently exciting and fulfilling of itself. Now the 'game' was over and the real work was about to begin. 'They' were in control as they always had been. She was having to ask herself if she had the strength of character to take the responsibility they deliberately left with her. Her first thought was to have it out once and for all with Lucina, but she knew nothing would come of that. She was really and truly on her own....would have to make her own way.... alone. But there was still Ric....she must risk him further now or be entirely alone with the fear of going totally off her trolley.

'I'm scared, Ric, now at this moment...I...,' she tailed off.

He too was anxious. He knew the scope of what they were doing, but he wanted to know exactly where she was coming from before feeling confident of making the right responses. For all his concentration on the technical task, anyone who had developed a business as large as 'Biteasy' was in touch with the motivations driving those closest to him. He needed to know she was going to the same place with him before declaring himself involved up to the hilt.

Penny spoke, in an attempt to draw him into her own mood.

'We've done it...got it to work....GAIANET and HIGO....and I'm frightened by it. The worst thing is not the rightness of the idea....that goes without saying. It's the...ma.s.sive enormity of the responsibility, and G.o.d knows that's bad enough on its own, objectively speaking. But what's....what's really frightening the life out of me is the actual taking of responsibility. Making the choice to act. And then doing it. What if....what if...it...doesn't work, or it's simply wrong to do such things? Think what a desperately worse mess we could make. It doesn't bear thinking about! Nothing gives us the right to take on the world in this way. I feel like some kind of despot, playing G.o.d. I wanted all people to share freely in what we do, of their own will. But we have here...in our command...ours remember...powers to do...well, almost anything we like...I'm desperately afraid of losing...I don't know...trust...trust in myself.'

'You mean...power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely...to coin a phrase.'

'Yes, that's precisely what I mean.'

'I'm glad of your doubt. That's good, I would be more worried about you if you were certain and elated about the future. Even if we can do anything we want - and I'm not so sure about that; isn't it how we use the means that counts? I mean more than the power itself. That's just a tool.'

'You mean you have to ask why power corrupts?'

'Exactly. Having power is one thing, using it to maintain a tyranny over those without it is the problem.'

'But Ric, how can that be avoided?' Penny walked about the room, talking more to herself than to Ric. 'Just having superior information and to be able to manipulate people and events is exercising huge power. You know as well as I do, good intentions don't work. Lots of...well...awful tyrants have started out that way, even egged on by their followers in the spirit of ultimate good. They all succ.u.mb to arrogance, all of them, there are no exceptions. Only the truly humble overcome. It's as if their very vulnerability gives them ultimate power without it actually touching them. They just keep going, true to themselves not to their hold over anything.'

'You mean ultimate humility, like Jesus on the cross?'

'Yes - I suppose so.'

'But he knew he was the Son of G.o.d,' Ric smiled. '....Seems to me he had some pretty powerful connections.'

Penny smiled too.'Yes, but he didn't use them to get people to do what he wanted, he just behaved...like he was the son of His Father and got their attention from just being.'

'What's to stop you acting like a child of the world? As you are, as we all are.'

'Nothing, I suppose...that's helpful actually, that means I don't have to act out power, I just ply my own furrow, with the confidence of knowledge. It's a fine line though, don't you think?'

'What's the alternative?' asked Ric. He was taking pains to bring her back to herself. Like her he had serious misgivings, but of a different kind. He was more worried about the parallel communications net Alexander had stumbled across.

'You have to act on what you know, you can't help it,' he continued. 'You know the current economic system is destroying the world, you know the different interests of the main protagonists are probably irreconcilable, at least not in time to prevent a catastrophe. You know people will act only when the inevitable is proven incontrovertibly and even then the key vested interests will always deny it until they are overtaken in the end. The human race seems doomed by its very nature. The only action worth taking now is to change this nature. It's a s.h.i.+ft in the archetype of the species that's needed. There's no time left for evolution, we have a generation at the most, maybe two to make a fundamental change. We must do it Penny, we must, if only because we can, if for no other reason. The Firm must, because well....there's just no one else who can do it. Think of the panic as the crops fail, as the rich nations begin to experience the famines of the poor. Think of how the powerful nations will scramble and fight with whatever weapons they have to ensure their own survival. You only have to see what they do to the Third World, to ensure their life-styles. Not to mention the unthinking extinction of animals and plant life. All this and they're not yet even threatened by anything more alarming than not being able to get a beef burger on demand, or having to think twice about jumping in a car to go to the shops half-a-mile away.'

Penny felt an unconscious irritation within herself as she listened.

'I know all that Ric. I'm sorry - it's not you, it's me. I know we're right and that we've got a job to do. What bothers me is my...no...our, yours and mine, the team's, JNO's, Alexander's'...all of our relations.h.i.+ps with what I can only call 'Them'.Lucina and her crew - you see I know we are not in control...' She hesitated, unsure whether to go on, but it was too late she had to speak. ' ...'They' are'!'

There! It was out! She had said it! Her vulnerability was henceforth entrusted to him. Ric felt privileged to be the recipient and hoped she felt relieved. He carried on to absorb her anxiety about his response, as if she had said nothing significant, he hoped by this, he would convey his understanding of the confession she had made.

'You mean it's not your power which corrupts but 'Theirs'? So you feel able to be trusted but you're not sure about 'Them'. '

'Exactly. Right! Except that because I've got doubts about my own ability to make this thing work, I'd hate to find myself relying slavishly on them. I'm not sure if my ideas and theirs ever properly coincided. I don't know if what we are doing is being done for us or for them. That's what I can't get out of my head and....it's....fundamental. I know what we're trying do and scared as I am of our sheer ability to hold it together; I can't help wondering what's theirs?'

Ric pa.s.sed his hand over his head, in a futile gesture to clear the wispy hair from his face, 'I wondered when you would raise that? It's bothering me too. Though not, I think in the way it's affecting you. You have a different relations.h.i.+p with them from me. I mean your family is involved, you're part of the beginning of all this with them. I worry about you and them too, but in a way that's not been my problem till now. The cause is right, the timing is right and I've got the technology in place. It doesn't really matter to me who is in control while ever we're trying to get this human paradigm s.h.i.+ft we're talking about. I believe in it and there's no time to worry about the finer points, I'll leave that to history, if there's going to be any. Listen Penny,' He came close to her holding her tightly by the arms and their eyes locked. 'I don't know either, that it's possible for sure, but from where I stand there's nothing to lose. Sure a few rich people will lose out, and we're bound to make serious mistakes and some powerful enemies, but that'll be the worst of it....and for my money that's a small price to pay if we keep our heads. Maybe we'll blow it, and the world will be plunged into more economic tensions and wars. So what's new? No, Penny, we go on, we do it, starting whenever you say the word.' He tightened his grip on her arms so that he hurt her in his excitement. 'What's getting to me isn't who has the power, after all without JNO we wouldn't be here at all. It's this parallel network Alexander has cottoned on to. There is something out there. Hep certainly knows what it is, and if he does so does Lucina and her crew. So we're not in this alone, something outside of us has an interest!'

He let go of her pre-occupied by his own logic.

'Like I told you,' said Penny. 'It's 'Them'...my worry is that their game is not the same as ours.'

'No Penny, that won't do...you see I think Lucina, Hep and Thea and Alexander and the whole of JNO including Zarian in New York, are playing exactly the same game as us. But someone only they know about, someone else has got other fish to fry and that's what's worrying them - and, through them - you. What's more, you, you don't really want to know because the whole thing is bad enough as it is and you are afraid you will have to find out because Alexander is caught up in it. Am I right?'

Penny walked angrily to the window to find herself staring at rolling lawns. The view seemed totally out of place with her mood. There were unwelcome sensations in the pit of her psyche.

'Don't want to know what?' she almost spat out the words, only respect for Ric prevented her from telling him to mind his own business and walking from the room. She spotted her car in the courtyard and wanted again to speed away from everything.

'That there's something else going on from which you have been excluded. Thea is part of it and so now is Alexander. I'm willing to bet they've been involved for a long time and your resentment goes very deep indeed. You see, like you, I don't think the fact that you're excluded matters to the eventual outcome either. What matters to you, my wonderful girl, is that you feel used.'

Penny was surprised at Ric's insight. She had known Ric mainly as a boffin. Even though they had been closeted together for years, their conversations had been exclusively work oriented. Neither had reason to delve into their own personalities and she was in any event not usually concerned with what went on under the surface provided people did the work. Someone as brilliant as Ric aroused her infinite respect, much like Hep, except Hep was something else, one of 'Them.'

She bridled at being so transparent, especially to Ric. She subsided back into her chair, crossed one long leg over the other, and leaning towards him engaged him Firmly with her eye.

'So you keep a close watch on me then?'

'Answer me! Am I right?'

'Yes, G.o.dd.a.m.n you! You're right, but only partly. It's true, I don't like being excluded, but I can live with exclusion, it isn't not knowing what's going on that's the real b.i.t.c.h, and there is something going on. It's as if 'They' have taken their eye off the ball, to do something else, even though they trust me utterly, have given me all the vast resources of JNO but for the life of me I can't think what could be more important than saving the planet.'

'Neither can I, and if Hep's anxiety is any guide it's got something to do with what he is up to with your lad. So, I've been checking the 'Alexander burn out' and there's no electronic or any other scientific reason why the computer melted down like that. The reason was not physical. Despite the effects, there was no detectable malfunction of the machine. I can only conclude that Hep was right when he talked about Alexander's mind. The whole event was psychic rather than electronic. It doesn't make any scientific sense but I believe the game they are playing has nothing to do with the physical world. What burned out the computer wasn't an electrical overload on the machinery, but an excess of reaction to whatever Alexander was relating to which Hep was so concerned about. I've been pondering it a lot. The only conclusion I can come up with is quite illogical in scientific terms, but makes sense if you think of it in terms of the mind. You see, while we're using the physical, technical reality of cybers.p.a.ce to connect what people are doing, it's only a change of mind that will matter in the end.' He stopped to gather his thoughts more clearly. 'So - what if it's not what controls the physical world that will cause the breakthrough, but a who or a what that can fathom people's minds and get down to the basic natural mould which shapes us equally as members of one species? Why can't people live as one family, grown from the same earth? Why continually emphasise difference why not emphasise similarity? We share the same physical mind with all the other racial groups, cultures and tribes and therefore the same potentiality. The problem, as I see it, is that none of the current solutions for the survival and development of the human animal in the physical world, have any really useful function with our nuclear arms and exploitative economics. In terms of saving the planet, territorialism, tribalism, nation-states, super-corporations, governments, don't work any more and this lack of coherence is what is contributing to our extinction. We don't any longer have the evolutionary time scales to get things right before we pollute ourselves into oblivion and create untold suffering into the bargain. But, if you make a species wide a.s.sumption that the Earth in a kind of way also has a mind. That the Earth is like a person, let's call her the Earth Mother. After all we are all made of her clay. Then it all makes sense. 'They' are still part of Her, but we no longer act as if we are. We used to be part of Her once, long ago and so then we were part of 'Them' and everything was in harmony. It's like the old G.o.ds had time for us because we had time for them. The whole world of things, and of thought, flowed through them, to us and back again. Then, more recently we unilaterally became responsible for ourselves, clever monkeys that we are; but it didn't matter until now, because the Earth could cope with us. But now, if we don't take care of it soon, we'll perish so it can survive. Because there's no doubt that without us, It will recover in no time. We have to save the Earth for Herself so as to save ourselves. If we just save Her for ourselves, we'll go on keeping Her at the just acceptable limit of survival and everything then becomes mere survival. It won't do, Penny. That's why the Firm exists. People will only be able to save the world if they are of the world, consciously, publicly, politically, economically. Think about it - the species commonality among animals makes them all predictable within given bounds. All cats behave like cat. All humans behave like men and women. We are all vulnerable, have common needs, and common satisfactions. What will make people safe for the world is not merely treating it differently; but the adoption of a completely different way of thinking about the world. If the mind of the world and the human mind were seen as the same so we cared about it as if it were one of us, in us not outside us, we would not exploit it...'

'Why not?' Penny interjected. 'We exploit people outrageously who are clearly in our likeness - especially in the Third World. When it comes to preventive action we've nothing to say unless our interests are involved.

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