Part 27 (1/2)
Ideala laughed. ”But 'her own sphere' is such a very indefinite phrase,” she observed. ”It is nonsense, really. A woman may do anything which she can do in a womanly way. They say that our brains are lighter, and that therefore we must not be taught too much. But why not educate us to the limit of our capacity, and leave it there? Why, if we are inferior, should there be any fear of making us superior? We must stop when we cannot go any further, and all this old-womanish cackle on the subject, the everlasting trying to prove what is already said to be proved--the looking for the square in s.p.a.ce after laying it down as a law that only the circle exists--is a curious way of showing us how to control the 'exuberance of our own verbosity.' They say we shall not be content when we get what we want, and there they are right, for as soon as our own 'higher education' is secure we shall begin to clamour for the higher education of men. For the prayer of every woman worth the name is not 'Make me superior to my husband,' but, 'Lord, make my husband superior to me!' Is there any more pitiful position in the world than that of a right-minded woman who is her husband's superior, and knows it! There is in every educated and refined woman an inborn desire to submit, and she must do violence to what is best in herself when she cannot. You know what the history of such marriages is. The girl has been taught to expect to find a guide, philosopher, and friend in her husband. He is to be head of the house and lord of her life and liberty, sole arbiter on all occasions. It is right and convenient to have him so; the world requires him to fill that position, and the wife prefers that he should. But the probabilities are about equal that he, being morally her inferior, will not be fit for it, and that, therefore, she will find herself in a false position. There will then be an interval of intense misery for the wife. Her education and prejudices will make her try to submit at first to what her sense knows to be impossible; but eventually she is forced out of her unnatural position by circ.u.mstances. To save her house and family she must rebel, take the reins of government into her own hands, and face life, a disappointed and lonely woman.”
”Heaven help her!” said Claudia. ”One knows that the future of a woman in that state of mind is only a question of circ.u.mstance and temperament; she may rise, but----”
Ideala looked up quickly. ”But she may fall, you were going to say-- yes. But you know if she does it is her own fault. She _must_ know better.”
”She may not be quite mistress of herself at the time--she may be fascinated; she may be led on!” I interposed, quickly. Claudia seemed to have forgotten. ”But one thing is certain, if she has any real good in her she will always stop before it is too late.”
”I think,” said Claudia, ”it would be better, after all, if women were taught to expect to find themselves their husbands' equals--the disappointment would not be so great if the husband proved inferior; but when a woman has been led to look for so much, her imagination is full of dreams in which he figures as an infallible being; she expects him to be her refuge, support, and comfort at all times; and when a man has such a height to fall from in any one's estimation, there can be but little of him left if he does fall.”
Ideala sighed, and after a short pause she said: ”I have been wondering what makes it possible for a woman to love a man? Not the flesh that she sees and can touch, though that may attract her as the colour of the flower attracts. It must be the mind that is in him--the scent of the flower, as it were. If she finds eventually that his mind is corrupt, she must shrink from it as from any other form of corruption, and finally abandon him on account of it, as she would abandon the flower if she found its odour fetid--indeed, she has already abandoned her husband when she acknowledges that he is not what she thought him.”
She paused a moment, and then went on pa.s.sionately: ”I cannot tell you what it was--the battling day by day with a power that was irresistible because it had to put forth no strength to accomplish its work; it simply was itself, and by being itself it lowered me. I cannot tell you what it was to feel myself going down, and not to be able to help it, try as I would; to feel the gradual change in my mind as it grew to harbour thoughts which were reflections of his thoughts, low thoughts; and to be filled with ideas, recollections of his conversations, which had caused me infinite disgust at the time, but remained with me like the taste of a nauseous drug, until I almost acquired a morbid liking for them. Oh, if I could save other women from that!”
Claudia hastily interposed to divert her. ”That is a good idea, the higher education of men,” she said. ”I don't know whether they have abandoned hope, or whether they think themselves already perfect, certain it is the idea of improving themselves does not seem to occur to them often. And we want good men in society. If the clergy and priests are good, it is only what is required of them, what everybody expects, and, therefore, their goodness is accepted as a matter of course, and is viewed as indifferently as other matters of course. One good man in society has more effect as an example than ten priests.”
”But you have not told us what you propose to do, Ideala?” I said.
”I hope it is nothing unwomanly,” Claudia interposed, anxiously.
Ideala looked at her and laughed, and Claudia laughed too, the moment after she had spoken. The fear of Ideala doing anything unwomanly was absurd, even to herself.
”An unwomanly woman is such a dreadful creature,” Claudia added, apologetically.
”Yes,” said Ideala, ”but you should pity her. In nine cases out of ten there is a great wrong or a great grief at the bottom of all her unwomanliness--perhaps both; and if she shrieks you may be sure that she is suffering; ease her pain, and she will be quiet enough. The average woman who is happy in her marriage does not care to know more of the world than she can learn in her own nursery, nor to see more of it, as a rule, than she can see from her own garden gate. She is a great power; but, unfortunately, there is so very little of her!
”What I want to do is to make women discontented--you have heard of a n.o.ble spirit of discontent? I thought for a long time that everything had been done that could be done to make the world better; but now I see that there is still one thing more to be tried. Women have never yet united to use their influence steadily and all together against that of which they disapprove. They work too much for themselves, each trying to make their own life happier. They have yet to learn to take a wider view of things, and to be shown that the only way to gain their end is by working for everybody else, with intent to make the whole world better, which means happier. And in order to accomplish this they must be taught that they have only to _will_ it--each in her own family and amongst her own friends; that, after having agreed with the rest about what they mean to put down, they have only to go home and use their influence to that end, quietly, consistently, and without wavering, and the thing will be done. Our influence is like those strong currents which run beneath the surface of the ocean without disturbing it, and yet with irresistible force, and at a rate that may be calculated. It is to help in the direction of that force that I am going to devote my life. Do not imagine,” she went on hurriedly, ”that I think myself fit for such a work. I have had conscientious scruples-- been sorely troubled about my own unworthiness, which seemed to unfit me for any good work. But now I see things differently. One may be made an instrument for good without merit of one's own. So long as we do not deceive ourselves by thinking we are worthy, and so long as we are trying our best to become so, I think we may hope; I think we may even know that we shall eventually----” She stopped and looked at me.
”Be made worthy,” said Claudia, kissing her; ”and if it were not so, Ideala, if everybody had to begin by being as good themselves as they want others to be, there would be no good workers left in the world at all.”
At this moment a noisy party burst in upon our grave debate and carried Ideala off for a ride. We saw them leave the house, and watched them ride away until the last glimpse of them was veiled by the misty brightness of the frosty air and the morning suns.h.i.+ne.
”How well she looks!” Claudia exclaimed; ”better than any of them. She has quite recovered, and is none the worse.”
”I do not know about recovery,” I answered, dubiously. ”She will never ----”
But Claudia interrupted hotly: ”I know what you are going to say, and I do wish you would leave off speaking of Ideala in that way. Any one to hear you would suppose she had committed a sin, and you know quite well that that was not the case. If she acted without common prudence--and I will not deny that she did--it was entirely your own fault. She has never been intimate with any man but yourself, and you have made her believe that all men are like you. How could she harbour suspicion when she did not know what to suspect? Of course she saw everything wrongly and awry. The old life had become impossible to her, and she nearly made a mistake as to what the new one should be, that was all. I know she wavered for a moment, but the weakness was more physical than moral, I think. Her vision was clouded at the time, but as soon as she was restored to health she saw things clearly enough. She is a great and good woman, pure-hearted and full of charity. G.o.d bless her for all her tenderness, and for her wonderful power to love. He alone can count the number who have reason to wish her well.”
”That is true,” I answered. ”And I was merely going to remark, when you interrupted me, that she will never think herself 'none the worse'--”
”I don't see what difference that makes,” Claudia again interposed.