Part 14 (1/2)

The gentle insistence that had prodded me into his lap now buzzed wildly. My hips moved on their own, pus.h.i.+ng against him, wanting more, needing to feel his body against mine.

He must have read my mind, because he yanked his s.h.i.+rt off with a sudden violence, revealing the tattooed landscape of his deeply muscled chest. I put a small hand against his warm chest, feeling his heart beat strongly beneath the muscle. My skin on his skin made me gasp slightly.

”What?” he wondered, following my gaze.

”I'm so pale,” I smiled, brus.h.i.+ng my hand across the warm chocolate skin.

”You need some color in those cheeks,” he agreed and I was suddenly on my back looking up into his eyes. ”I'll stop if you want me to,” he promised, his lips inches from mine.

I pressed myself upward.

”I don't want you to,” I murmured, and pulled his face down to mine. But he had other ideas. His fingers slipped below my waistband. I gasped in surprise, but his lips on my neck turned it into a gasp of pleasure. A low growling sound emanated from his throat, and he delved his exploring finger deeper. I closed my eyes, pressing myself into his hand, letting him closer and closer to the part of me he sought.

The brush of his finger met the ragged wound Robert had left me with. I tried to hide the pain, but the hiss escaped my lips. I sat up suddenly as the searing pain flared to life again, robbing me of the release I so craved.

J. jumped back like I had scalded him. Hot, furious tears burned my eyes and I knuckled them away hastily, before he could see me and think it was anything he had done.

But I was too late. ”I'm so sorry, I didn't mean, I shouldn't have....” His face was a contorted mask of hurt and confusion, while his desire pressed futilely against his jeans. Heat flamed ferociously in my cheeks and I turned away from him. Away from his concerned eyes. Away from the humiliation. Away from the frustration of having to stop when it was the last thing in the world that I wanted.

I heard a noise behind me. The creaking of the door and the rush of cool air let me know that he had left. I studied the wall through my tears. It was plywood, hastily painted. I could still see the streaks and brushstrokes. A long drip mark was right at my eye line. I knuckled away a tear angrily and focused on that drip. It bothered me. Someone should have noticed it by now. It shouldn't still be hanging there, frozen in mid-tumble down the wall. I pressed my index finger to it, pus.h.i.+ng in. It was still soft in the bead. By pressing in, I saw I could smash it in with the rest of the paint. Pulling my finger away, I saw that my fingerprint was now indelibly marked into the wall.

”That always bugged me too.” J.'s voice was a low rumble over my shoulder.

I jumped back, hastily blinking and wiping my eyes. He was standing in the doorway, watching me for I don't know how long. His s.h.i.+rt was off and the glint of droplets on his chest told me he had splashed water on his face. In his hand he held a tall clear gla.s.s of water, condensation already beading on the side. He extended it to me without a word.

I slid forward on the cot, trying to compose myself. Yanking down my s.h.i.+rt and adjusting my waistband helped me find some of the dignity I had lost.

”Thank you,” I replied, and I was grateful that my voice sounded much more composed than my thoughts did.

He dropped to a crouch in front of me, his muscular thighs supporting him in a way that made me think of a ballet dancer. ”That better?” he asked, placing his hands gently on my knees.

I took another sip to buy myself time. How could I tell him what Robert had done? He would think I was crazy for being with a man like that in the first place. h.e.l.l, I was beginning to believe that myself. All the hurt, all the betrayal, it had all led directly to last night, but I had been too stupid and too deluded to notice.

I hated myself.

”Yes, thank you.” The lies were coming back. I didn't want them to, but they were so much easier than telling the truth.

He paused, searching my face, ready to speak some more. He had to know, it was written all over his face. The anger, the disgust, the trembling impotent rage were all feelings I recognized in myself. I squeezed my fists into the bed sheet, ready for his questions, ready to be picked apart. I should have fought harder. I should have run a long time ago, these were all things I knew to be true. I was ready to it hear from his lips. Ready to hear condemnation that matched that in my own head.

Instead he nodded. Slowly and with all the understanding in the world. Silently he reached for my hand, waiting for me to take it. When I finally did, he lifted me gently to my feet and tugged my s.h.i.+rt down over my stomach. Brus.h.i.+ng the barest of kisses across my forehead, he then spoke in my ear. ”When you're ready to say it, I'm ready to hear it.”

The tears that sprang to my eyes were a completely different kind of sadness. I nodded and bit my lip.

He nodded again, the stepped back. Suddenly his voice boomed out, completely changed, ”So I betcha didn't know you were showing up for a party!” he called out for the benefit of anyone who may have been listening.

”Party?” This was not what I had expected at all.

”Yeah we got another MC rolling through town on their way to a gathering up in Maine.” The grin was starting to creep back into his voice, and with that came the reappearance of his dimples. I couldn't help but smile back.

He pulled his s.h.i.+rt on over his head as he continued speaking. ”They're going to come by. See if we get along. It's been too long that we've been a solitary club.” He pulled his s.h.i.+rt down and my heart sank to loose sight of those ridiculous abs. His voice rose higher and took on a note of false jocularity. ”Teach thinks it's time we branched out, belonged to something bigger, that sort of thing.”

I was fascinated. ”And what do you think?”

He shook his head and dropped his voice lower. ”I like things the way they are. The less people in your world, the less they can hurt you, know what I mean?”

I nodded emphatically. ”Yes I know exactly what you mean.”

”But this club is a democracy. One man, one vote. My side lost.” He chuckled grimly. ”Mainly 'cause I was the only one on it.”

”So what now?”

He took my hand and made for the door. ”Time to meet the boys.”

Chapter 24.

Emmy ”What the s.h.i.+t is this?”

Case looked a whole lot different in the daytime, and a whole lot better with his s.h.i.+rt off. His tanned torso glistened with sweat in the noonday sun. He knocked back the rest of his can of Yuengling and swore again.

”Hang on Emmy,” J. muttered. ”Case, what's the problem?” he called across the garage. I followed a few steps behind, squinting in the ferocious light.

For his answer, Case just pointed accusingly at the pile of wobbling yellowed magazines. I looked more closely and wished I hadn't.

J. squinted at the pile of paper. ”Well, that appears to be p.o.r.n, Case. What's the matter, you offended? Want me to call your priest?”

”f.u.c.k off,” Case rumbled and poked the pile with his boot. ”How old is this s.h.i.+t? Why do we have it?”

”Judging from the hairiness, I'd say it's from the seventies.” I giggled.

J. and Case both snapped their heads to look at me. Case's mouth was a perfect 'O' of shock.

”Emmy, right?” he nodded. ”I'd shake your hand, but I touched it.” He poked the pile gingerly with his boot. ”And it was sticky.”

I wrinkled my nose. ”Yeah, thanks, don't.”

J. crouched down appraisingly. ”I'd say this would be worth something, if it were in, er, better condition.”

”Teach tells us to clean up the place and doesn't warn us about the pile of full-bush p.o.r.no mags in the corner?” Case wiped his hands repeatedly on his jeans. ”Jesus, I think I caught chlamydia just standing here.”

A heavy tread on the floor made us all turn. The older man J. had called MacDougal stood there, arms folded, his face a stony grimace. Without a word, he stepped to the pile and threw a stained bed sheet over the top. ”Leave it,” he grumbled, voice hoa.r.s.e with disuse. Then he stalked away to the front of the store.

J. looked at Case. Case snorted and socked J. in the arm, then the two of them burst out into peals of laughter that echoed off of the metal ceiling. ”Mac, you perverted old f.u.c.k!” Case called to the retreating man.

”There's p.o.r.n on the internet, dude!” J. called. ”Whole videos, for free!” He turned to me. ”Whoops, sorry Em.”