Part 24 (1/2)

”I didn't say anything, Royal. We're just in the middle of a movie, and I don't want him all riled up. We're already in bed.”

”In my bed? You're having a party without me, aren't you?” he asked, his voice soft. There was a bit of a tremble in his tone, and it immediately made me feel bad.

”We're all alone, and he was having a bad night. Don't be upset, Royal, and don't upset him. Please.” I finally had Benji in a good mood. If Royal said one d.a.m.n thing to upset him, I would hunt him down and kill him.

”Give him the phone.”

I rolled my eyes and looked down at Benji. ”Daddy's on the phone, Baby.”

He grabbed for it, ripping it out of my hands and pressing it to his ear. ”Daddy! We're having a picnic party! Can you come?” he asked, and I cringed.

It was so innocent-so normal for him to expect Royal to come. I wished I could've heard Royal's response on the other line.

”Yeah,” he said happily. ”We have ice cream and cookies. She let me have chocolate milk, too!” He looked up at me with a bright smile, as if to show me how happy that made him.

”Okay, Daddy. I love you, too. Okay,” he said, pausing before looking up at me. ”Daddy said he loves you, too, Mommy.”

”Tell him I love him too. Tell him to be safe and say good night.”

”She loves you, Daddy, and she said I'm 'sposed to tell you be safe and tell you good night. Good night, Daddy.”

He handed me the phone, and I hung it up with a sigh. Unfortunately, I hadn't paused the movie, so I worked with the remote and brought us back to the scene we'd left off on and cuddled further into the bed.

I must have dozed off at some point because when I woke up a little later, I noticed that we'd gained a body in our bed. I wanted to be angry when I saw Royal sprawled out next to me, but I just couldn't-not when Benji clung to him for dear life. His arms were around his neck, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I couldn't help it-I sobbed quietly. I hadn't cried in weeks. I'd held it together, hid it from the kids. But, alone in the room while the two of them slept, I let it go. It hurt knowing we were keeping Benji from something so special to him. He needed his dad. He wanted him there. I felt like such a horrible mother.

The days began to wear on me-both physically and mentally. I had constant headaches, I couldn't sleep, and I was eating horribly.

To add to the madness, Royal and I were still at each other's throats. He refused to go back to therapy-deeming it a crock of s.h.i.+t. If you asked me, he was being a coward. I was ready to lay all my faults and defects on the table, but he couldn't accept that we weren't perfect.

Again, I was the only one willing to get my hands dirty and do the work. He wanted to snap his fingers and make everything better. It just didn't happen that way.

What scared me the most was the uncertainty. We were at a standstill, and I had no solution to our problem. I loved him, wanted him, and missed him more than anything, but I still needed more. I was knee-deep in a losing battle, and the more I realized it, the more it hurt.

And then there was Macy. It was torture with her home on restriction. She thought it'd all blow over since Royal had never punished her before. Once she realized we were dead serious, she was an all-out bear to be around. I didn't feel sorry for her a bit, though.

I was worried about the risks she was taking with Austin. Although making out with boys was completely expected and normal for a girl her age, it seemed like she was moving a little quick for a girl that had only kissed a boy for the first time a few months before. From kissing to sitting topless on a boy's lap-it just screamed acting out.

I knew how quickly things could get out of hand. When I was young and got carried away with Royal, my clothes were off before I even knew what hit me. Every single time he touched me, it was like my brain turned off and my clothes disintegrated.

I always knew that when the time was right, I'd put the girls on birth control. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that they'd stay virgins until they were married. A mother could hope, though, but I wasn't that backwards. I was a teenage mother. s.h.i.+t happened. I just never expected the heavy weight in my gut that I felt as I drove her to the clinic.

Young love was so fast and intense that you ended up steamrolled before you had a chance to blink. She was at that stage where she just couldn't bear to be away from him.

She would most definitely give in to him. She was desperate to hold on to him-a terrifying thing to discover-and I had no doubt that sooner or later, my daughter would end up losing her virginity to Austin.

It scared the c.r.a.p out of me, but unlike Royal, I lived in the real world. If it wasn't Austin, it'd be someone else. Royal was in deep denial if he thought she'd take her virginity to the church. We'd been lucky that she'd been more interested in sports than boys up to that point. Sure, she'd had little crushes here and there and went on a couple of dates, but none of them were, well, Austin. He was the one.

The last thought I had that night before my head hit the pillow was that I needed a d.a.m.n vacation.

Chapter 17.

”What do you want for dinner on your birthday, Jenna?” Tara asked, sweeping the hair from around her station.

”I don't know. Maybe we can skip it this year.”

She rolled her eyes. ”We're not skipping it. You want to invite your parents and Sarah, right?”

I cringed. I still hadn't been able to bring myself to talk to her after what Macy overheard. ”I'm not exactly talking to Sarah right now.”

”I know-trust me. I have to hear all about it. Thanks for that, by the way. I just love talking to her for hours on the phone.”

I shrugged. ”Better you than me. I'm so angry with her. As if I don't have enough to deal with.”

Tara dropped the broom and sat down next to my station. ”She wants to apologize, Jenna. I know she was totally wrong, and I think she gets it. I don't know what to say to her, you know? I don't want to get all into it.”

I reached over and settled my hand on her knee. ”It's not fair to have you in the middle, Tara. I'm sorry.”

She shrugged. ”We're all family. We all need to figure our s.h.i.+t out. Give her a chance to talk about it. It'll be good for both of you. She loves you in her own weird, f.u.c.ked up way.”

I rolled my eyes. ”Yeah, well, she needs to support me, not work against me.”

”So, dinner. Why don't you just make pasta or something? I really like that chicken fettuccini you make with the spinach and Alfredo sauce. That sounds good. I can put together a salad and garlic bread. That's easy enough.”

She smiled. ”That sounds good. There's something I wanted to ask you and feel free to say no if you want to.”

”Okay, what is it?”

She looked down, nervous. ”Would it be all right to bring Glenn?”

I snorted. ”He's always invited, you know that.”

She bobbed her head, nodding. ”You don't need to have Royal pick him up. He'll come with me and Lily.”

”Wow. I wasn't expecting that. When did this start-not that I'm hating this idea, but are you sure?”

She shrugged one shoulder. She wanted it-them- but she was scared. He could break her again with one word. One single action on his part would be all it would take to bring her down. I couldn't watch that again.

”I think it's great. I'm glad you two are getting along. It's good for Lily.” I smiled, supportively.

”We're talking a lot. I've been driving him to his appointments, and it's given us a lot of time alone to talk. It's been nice talking again. You know?”

I did know.