Part 9 (1/2)
”If a man arrived to such a height of glory should be almost distracted with pride--sometime give his attendance on a servant, or any mean person, for nothing and at the same time neglect a n.o.bleman that gives exhorbitant fees--at other times refuse to leave his bottle for his business, without any regard to the quality of the persons that sent for him, or the danger they are in; if he should be surly and morose, affect to be an humourist, treat his patients like dogs, though people of distinction, and value no man but what would deify him, and never call in question the certainty of his oracles; if he should insult all the world, affront the first n.o.bility, and extend his insolence even to the royal family; if to maintain, as well as to increase, the fame of his sufficiency, he should scorn to consult his betters, on what emergency soever, look down with contempt on the most deserving of his profession, and never confer with any other physician but what will pay homage to his genius, creep to his humour, and ever approach him with all the slavish obsequiousness a court flatterer can treat a prince with; if a man in his life-time should discover, on the one hand, such manifest symptoms of superlative pride, and an insatiable greediness after wealth at the same time; and, on the other, no regard to religion or affection to his kindred, no compa.s.sion to the poor, and hardly any humanity to his fellow-creatures; if he gave no proofs that he loved his country, had a public spirit, or was a lover of the arts, of books, or of literature--what must we judge of his motive, the principle he acted from, when, after his death, we find that he has left a trifle among his relations who stood in need of it, and an immense treasure to a University that did not want it.
”Let a man be as charitable as it is possible for him to be, without forfeiting his reason or good sense, can he think otherwise, but that this famous physician did, in the making of his will, as in everything else, indulge his darling pa.s.sion, entertaining his vanity with the happiness of the contrivance?”
This severe portrait is just about as true as the likeness of a man, painted by a conscientious enemy, usually is. Radcliffe was not endowed with a kindly nature. ”Mead, I love you,” said he to his fascinating adulator; ”and I'll tell you a sure secret to make your fortune--use all mankind ill.” Radcliffe carried out his rule by wringing as much as possible from, and returning as little as possible to, his fellowmen. He could not pay a tradesman's bill without a sense of keen suffering. Even a poor pavior, who had been employed to do a job to the stones before the doctor's house in Bloomsbury Square (whither the physician removed from Bow Street), could not get his money without a contest. ”Why, you rascal!” cried the debtor, as he alighted from his chariot, ”do you pretend to be paid for such a piece of work! Why, you have spoiled my pavement, and then covered it over with earth to hide the bad work.”
”Doctor,” responded the man, dryly, ”mine is not the only bad work the earth hides.”
Of course, the only course to pursue with a creditor who could dun in this sarcastic style was to pay, and be rid of him. But the doctor made up for his own avarice by being ever ready to condemn it in others.
Tyson, the miser, being near his last hour, magnanimously resolved to pay two of his 3,000,000 guineas to Radcliffe, to learn if anything could be done for his malady. The miserable old man came up with his wife from Hackney, and tottered into the consulting-room in Bloomsbury Square, with two guineas in his hand--
”You may go, sir,” exclaimed Radcliffe, to the astonished wretch, who trusted he was unknown--”you may go home, and die, and be ----, without a speedy repentance; for both the grave and the devil are ready for Tyson of Hackney, who has grown rich out of the spoils of the public and the tears of orphans and widows. You'll be a dead man, sir, in ten days.”
There are numerous stories extant relative to Radcliffe's practice; but nearly all those which bear the stamp of genuineness are unfit for publication in the present polite age. Such stories as the hasty-pudding one, re-edited by the pleasant author of ”The Gold-headed Cane,” can be found by the dozen, but the c.u.mbrous workmans.h.i.+p of Mr. Joseph Miller is manifest in them all.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE DOCTOR AS A BON-VIVANT.
”What must I do, sir!” inquired an indolent bon-vivant of Abernethy.
”Live on sixpence a day, and earn it, sir,” was the stern answer.
Gabriel Fallopius, who has given his name to a structure with which anatomists are familiar, gave the same reproof in a more delicate manner. With a smile he replied in the words of Terence,
”Otio abundas Antipho,”--”Sir, you're as lazy as Hall's dog.”
But, though medical pract.i.tioners have dealt in sayings like these, to do them bare justice, it must be admitted that their preaching has generally been contradicted by the practice. When medicine remained very much in the hands of the ladies, the composition of remedies, and the making of dinners, went on in the same apartment. Indeed hunger and thirst were but two out of a list of diseases that were ministered to by the attendants round a kitchen table. The same book held the receipts for dishes and the recipes for electuaries. In many an old hall of England the manual still remains from which three centuries ago the lady of the house learned to dress a boar's head or cure a cold. Most physicians would now disdain to give dietetic instruction to a patient beyond the most general directions; but there are cases where, even in these days, they stoop to do so, with advantage to themselves and their patients.
”I have ordered twelve dinners this morning,” a cheery little doctor said to the writer of these pages, on the white cliffs of a well-known sea-side town.
”Indeed--I did not know that was your business.”
”But it is. A host of rich old invalids come down here to be medicinally treated. They can't be happy without good living, and yet are so ignorant of the science and art of eating, that they don't know how to distinguish between a luxurious and pernicious diet, and a luxurious and wholesome one. They flock to the 'Duke's Hotel,' and I always tell the landlord what they are to have. Each dinner costs three or four guineas. They'd grudge them, and their consciences would be uneasy at spending so much money, if they ordered their dinners themselves. But when they regard the fare as medicine recommended by the doctor, there is no drawback to their enjoyment of it. Their confidence in me is unbounded.”
The bottle and the board were once the doctor's two favourite companions. More than one eminent physician died in testifying his affection for them. In the days of tippling they were the most persevering of tavern-haunters. No wonder that some of them were as fat as Daniel Lambert, and that even more died sudden deaths from apoplexy. The obesity of Dr. Stafford was celebrated in an epitaph:--
”Take heed, O good traveller, and do not tread hard, For here lies Dr. Stafford in all this churchyard.”
Dr. Beddoes was so stout that the Clifton ladies used to call him their ”walking feather-bed.”
Dr. Flemyng weighed twenty stone and eleven pounds, till he reduced his weight by abstinence from the delicacies of the table, and by taking a quarter of an ounce of common Castile soap every night.
Dr. Cheyne's weight was thirty-two stone, till he cured himself by persevering in a temperate diet. Laughing at two unwieldly n.o.blemen whose corpulence was the favourite jest of all the wits in the court, Louis XV. said to one of them, ”I suppose you take little or no exercise.”
”Your Majesty will pardon me,” replied the bulky duke, ”for I generally walk two or three times round my cousin every morning.”
Sir Theodore Mayerne, who, though he was the most eminent physician of his time, did not disdain to write ”Excellent and Well-Approved Receipts in Cookery, with the best way of Preserving,” was killed by tavern wine. He died, after returning from supper in a Strand hotel; his immediate friends attributing his unexpected death to the quality of the beverage, but others, less charitable, setting it down to the quant.i.ty.
Not many years ago, about a score surgeons were dining together at a tavern, when, about five minutes after some very ”particular port” had been sent round for the first time, they all fell back in their chairs, afflicted in various degrees with sickness, vertigo, and spasm. A more pleasant sight for the waiters can hardly be conceived.
One after one the gentlemen were conveyed to beds or sofas.