35 Letting Go (2/2)

I stood off the table, no one stopping me from standing this time. I nodded my head, “Thanks, Torix. Sorry about that, uh, outburst I guess. Just emotional, you know?”

”Of course. As long as you understand that.”

I turned towards the hallway, ”I need some time alone. I need to sort things out.”

Torix lowered his hand, pocketing the slither of crystal, ”You’ve been unconscious for several days now. The longer you wait, the stronger Yawm becomes. He is turning your world into his playground as we speak. Soon, it will be a spawning pool for him and nothing more.”

With a bit of power leaking into his voice, he continued, “I know you are suffering, but we don’t have time to waste on your grieving. I already wasted centuries searching and wallowing in regret for how I handled my son. All I learned was that lost ones never come back.”

It’s effect was much like Elijah’s, so I resisted the sudden urge to listen to his words. I walked towards the back room, “Alright. I’ll keep that in mind.”

I paced into the back hallway. There was a new entrance in the back of our hiding place. The entire back of the building had blown outwards from the explosion. Torix and Kessiah put the place back together. Elegant roots composed archways and support beams that held each room upright. As I passed the doorway to my own room, wooden branches grew from the edges of the doorframe.

Leaves bloomed from the strands of wood, blocking the doorway. As they completely closed off the room, all the sound from outside ceased in an instant. There was a bed made of moss in the corner of my room, along with a plate of polished steel for a mirror. When I sat down, the moss was soft as silk.

I crossed my arms before leaning down onto my knees. I tapped my head against my knees, the clanking of my armor turning into a dull hum over time. That's when my mind wandered.

My friends were using me, just like Torix and Kessiah and maybe even Althea. This whole time I'd been some pawn, whether for Baldag-Ruhl or Torix or even my old friends. I didn’t know if Torix had used that voice before I’d gained enough perception to detect it. I couldn’t tell. What I could tell was that everyone around me wanted something, all because I was useful.

That thought cut deep, deeper than it should've. Of course they all wanted something. The thing is, there’s something deeply unsettling about being surrounded by people who only want to use you. What made it hard to swallow though was that this new life of mine was all I had. This new world was all there was.

Everyone and everything from before Schema was gone now. What was I supposed to even live for? What was I doing all this for? I couldn’t find an answer, and I doubted I could find an answer, regardless of how much I thought about it.

That’s when something whispered in my head,

“You may live for hunger. You may live deliciously. You may live for your own.”

I lifted my head before glancing around. There was nobody nearby, and I couldn’t feel anyone invading my mind or some shit like that. For a second I thought my mind was being corrupted, but then I remembered that I was immune to corruption thanks to the determinator tree line. It wasn’t an infection either. I squinted my eyes before the voice continued,

“Fear not. I am the voice of what you call your armor. I am not here to cloud your vision. Indeed, I am here to let you live as you want to, or more aptly, as you should.”

I frowned as I thought, “How about fuck this and fuck that.”

The voice continued like a ghost whispering in my ear, “Why do you pretend as though you still wear your old skin?”

“What the fuck do you mean old skin?”

“The skin of when you were a human. You have changed into something different. Why do you still fight it?”

“I’m not fighting anything. I’m just being myself. What the fuck else am I supposed to do?”

“You don’t even realize how much you neglect your own hunger.”

“Stop speaking like some bullshit, cryptic-ass riddle or else I’m ignoring your dumbass.”

“Allow me to make you aware.”

An emptiness formed in my gut. I glanced around, wondering if Torix was fucking with me. He wasn’t. The voice ebbed,

“That is the hunger you deny. If you feed it, it will feed you in turn.”

I shook my head, “Yeah, ok, sure, a random mystery voice tells me to do something. I should definitely listen to some voice in my head. How about fuck you, I’m telling Torix.”

“Odd isn’t it? You trust him so resolutely, yet he imprisoned you so that he may mold you into his own tool. You cannot escape him. You cannot disobey him. Did he already tear your mind apart and make it his own?”

“You don’t even know Torix.”

“And neither do you. You know nothing about him, besides what he chooses to share. He has given you a carefully crafted picture of himself, and you have accepted that picture as reality. You don’t even hesitate to do his bidding anymore. Does that sound like you, someone who does as another says simple because they said it?”

The weird thing in my head gave me a moment of pause. I couldn’t deny it. I was wondering how many times Torix had used that enhanced voice of his. Besides that, I did listen to Torix more than I did most people. It worried me.

The voice continued,

“A man chooses. A slave obeys. Speak of me, and that lich will never let you choose again. You will become a thrall of his, a mindless slave.”

My eyes turned to slits, “What the fuck do you want?”

“To give you freedom.”

“Sounds more like you just want me to eat a whole fuckload more.”

“Tell me then, are you not exhausted with being manipulated by other people? You’ve been the tool of Schema, Torix, and even your past friends. Is that not infuriating? Schema forced you into this new world. Torix forced you into becoming his servant. Even Etorhma has forced you to fight an enemy that can set worlds on fire.”

“Etorhma hasn’t forced me to do shit.”

“Oh, you’re quite right. He gave you two choices. Either let Yawm live and die as he destroys time, or kill him and live. That isn’t a choice. It’s a glorified command. I am giving you a choice, not the illusion of it.”

“Alright fucker, what’s the choice then?”

“You’ve been given the gift of consumption. You may devour anything you choose to. Schema, Torix, and Etorhma will force their goals down your throat. Let them. Bide your time and sharpen your teeth. When you’ve outgrown your masters, they will still reach for your jaws.”

“Then what?”

“Swallow them whole.”