Part 71 (1/2)

MCCLXV.--COLERIDGE AND THELWALL.

THELWALL and Coleridge were sitting once in a beautiful recess in the Quantock Hills, when the latter said, ”Citizen John, this is a fine place to _talk_ treason in!”--”Nay, Citizen Samuel,” replied he; ”It is rather a place to make a man _forget_ that there is any necessity for treason!”

MCCLXVI.--A FLASH OF WIT.

SYDNEY SMITH, after Macaulay's return from the East, remarked to a friend who had been speaking of the distinguished conversationalist: ”Yes, he is certainly more agreeable since his return from India. His enemies might perhaps have said before (though I never did so) that he talked rather too much; but now he has _occasional flashes of silence, that make his conversation perfectly delightful_!”

MCCLXVII.--LOST AND FOUND.

THE ferryman, whilst plying over a water which was only slightly agitated, was asked by a timid lady in his boat, whether any persons were ever lost in that river. ”O no,” said he, ”we always _finds 'em agin_ the next day.”

MCCLXVIII.--A MILITARY AXIOM.

AN old soldier having been brought up to vote at an election at the expense of one of the candidates, voted for his opponent, and when reproached for his conduct, replied, ”Always _quarter_ upon the enemy, my lads; always _quarter_ upon the enemy.”

MCCLXIX.--A FORCIBLE ARGUMENT.

THAT erudite Cantab, Bishop Burnett, preaching before Charles II., being much warmed with his subject, uttered some religious truth with great vehemence, and at the same time, striking his fist on the desk with great violence, cried out, ”Who dare deny this?”--”Faith,” said the king, in a tone more _piano_ than that of the orator, ”n.o.body that is within the reach of _that fist of yours_.”

MCCLXX.--NOT TO BE DONE BROWN.

DR. THOMAS BROWN courted a lady for many years, but unsuccessfully, during which time it had been his custom to drink the lady's health before that of any other; but being observed one evening to omit it, a gentleman reminded him of it, and said, ”Come, doctor, drink the lady, your toast.” The doctor replied, ”I have toasted her many years, and I cannot make her _Brown_, so I'll toast her no longer.”

MCCLXXI.--AN ODD NOTION.

A LADY the other day meeting a girl who had lately left her service, inquired, ”Well, Mary, where do you live now?”--”Please, ma'am, I don't _live nowhere_ now,” rejoined the girl; ”_I am married_!”

MCCLXXII.--A SURE TAKE.

AN old sportsman, who, at the age of eighty-three, was met by a friend riding very fast, and was asked what he was in pursuit of? ”Why, sir,”

replied the other, ”I am riding _after my eighty-fourth year_.”

MCCLXXIII.--MR. TIERNEY'S HUMOR.

MR. TIERNEY, when alluding to the difficulty the Foxites and Pitt.i.tes had in pa.s.sing over to join each other in attacking the Addington Ministry (forgetting at the moment how easily he had himself overcome a like difficulty in joining that Ministry), alluded to the puzzle of the Fox and the Goose, and did not clearly expound his idea. Whereupon, Mr.

Dudley North said, ”It's himself he means,--who left the _Fox_ to go over to the _Goose_, and put the bag of oats in his pocket.”

MCCLXXIV.--DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.

”IF I were so unlucky,” said an officer, ”as to have a stupid son, I would certainly by all means make him a _parson_.” A clergyman who was in company calmly replied, ”You think differently, sir, from _your father_.”