Part 63 (1/2)
MCXVI.--MIND YOUR POINTS.
A WRITER, in describing the last scene of ”Oth.e.l.lo,” had this exquisite pa.s.sage: ”Upon which the Moor, seizing _a bolster full of rage and jealousy_, smothers her.”
MCXVII.--REASONS FOR DRINKING.
DR. ALDRICH, of convivial memory, said there were five reasons for drinking:--
”Good wine, a friend, or being dry, Or lest you should be by and by, Or any other reason why.”
MCXVIII.--NO MATTER WHAT COLOR.
AN eminent Scottish divine met two of his own paris.h.i.+oners at the house of a lawyer, whom he considered too sharp a pract.i.tioner. The lawyer ungraciously put the question, ”Doctor, these are members of your flock; may I ask, do you look upon them as white sheep or as black sheep?”--”I don't know,” answered the divine dryly, ”whether they are black or white sheep; but I know, if they are long here, they are pretty sure to be _fleeced_.”
MCXIX.--AN ODD OCCURRENCE.
AT a wedding the other day one of the guests, who often is a little absent-minded, observed gravely, ”I have often remarked that there have been _more_ women than men married this year.”
MCXX.--A DANGEROUS GENERALIZATION.
A TUTOR bidding one of his pupils, whose name was Charles Howl, to make some English verses, and seeing he put _teeth_ to rhyme with _feet_, told him he was wrong there, as that was no proper rhyme. Charles answered, ”You have often told me that H was no letter, and therefore this is good rhyme.” His tutor said, ”Take heed, Charles, of that evasion, for that will make you an _owl_.”
MCXXI.--NOSCE TE IPSUM.
SHERIDAN was one day much annoyed by a fellow-member of the House of Commons, who kept crying out every few minutes, ”Hear! hear!” During the debate he took occasion to describe a political contemporary that wished to play rogue, but had only sense enough to act fool. ”Where,” exclaimed he, with great emphasis--”where shall we find a more foolish knave or a more _knavish fool_ than he?”--”Hear! hear!” was shouted by the troublesome member. Sheridan turned round, and, thanking him for the prompt information, sat down amid a general roar of laughter.
MCXXII.--VERA CANNIE.
A YOUNG lady, pressed by friends to marry a decent, but poor man, on the plea, ”_Marry_ for love, and _work_ for siller,” replied, ”It's a' vera true, but a kiss and a tinniefu[C] o' cauld water maks a gey wersh[D]
breakfast.”
[C] Tinnie, the small porringer of children.
[D] Insipid.
MCXXIII.--TIMELY AID.
A LADY was followed by a beggar, who very importunately asked her for alms. She refused him; when he quitted her, saying, with a profound sigh, ”Yet the alms I asked you for would have prevented me executing my present resolution!” The lady was alarmed lest the man should commit some rash attempt on his own life. She called him back, and gave him a s.h.i.+lling, and asked him the meaning of what he had just said. ”Madam,”
said the fellow, laying hold of the money, ”I have been _begging_ all day in vain, and but for this s.h.i.+lling I should have been obliged to _work_!”
MCXXIV.--WHIST.