Part 53 (1/2)
FROM a wife of small fortune, but yet very proud, Who values herself on her family's blood: Who seldom talks sense, but for ever is loud, _Libera me!_
From living i' th' parish that has an old kirk, Where the parson would rule like a Jew or a Turk, And keep a poor curate to do all his work, _Libera me!_
From a justice of peace who forgives no offence, But construes the law in its most rigid sense, And still to bind over will find some pretence, _Libera me!_
From dealing with great men and taking their word, From waiting whole mornings to speak with my lord, Who puts off his payments, and puts on his sword, _Libera me!_
From Black-coats, who never the Gospel yet taught, From Red-coats, who never a battle yet fought, From Turn-coats, whose inside and outside are naught, _Libera me!_
CMx.x.xVI.--THREE DEGREES OF COMPARISON.
A LADY, proud of her rank and t.i.tle, once compared the three cla.s.ses of people, n.o.bility, gentry, and commonalty, to china, delf, and crockery.
A few minutes elapsed, when one of the company expressed a wish to see the lady's little girl, who, it was mentioned, was in the nursery.
”John,” said she to the footman, ”tell the maid to bring the little dear.” The footman, wis.h.i.+ng to expose his mistress's ridiculous pride, cried, loud enough to be heard by every one,--”_Crockery_! bring down little _China_.”
CMx.x.xVII.--MEN OF LETTERS.
A CORRESPONDENT, something new Transmitting, signed himself X.Q.
The editor his letter read, And begged he might be X.Q.Z.
CMx.x.xVIII.--ELEGANT RETORT.
IT is a common occurrence in the University of Cambridge for the undergraduates to express their approbation or disapprobation of the Vice-Chancellor, on the resignation of his office. Upon an occasion of this kind, a certain gentleman had enacted some regulations which had given great offence; and, when the senate had a.s.sembled in order that he might resign his office to another, a great _hissing_ was raised in disapprobation of his conduct; upon which, bowing courteously, he made the following elegant retort:--
”_Laudatur ab his_.”
CMx.x.xIX.--SNUG LYING.
A VISITOR at Churchtown, North Meols, thought people must like to be buried in the churchyard _there_, because it was so healthy.
CMXL.--A PROPER ANSWER.
A KNAVISH attorney asking a very worthy gentleman what was honesty, ”What is that to you?” said he; ”meddle with those things that _concern you_.”
CMXLI.--GOOD HEARING.
I HEARD last week, friend Edward, thou wast dead, I'm very glad to _hear it_, too, cries Ned.
CMXLII.--AN UNCONSCIOUS POSTSCRIPT.