Part 43 (1/2)

(On the King's double dealing.)

OF such a paradox as this, Before I never dreamt; The King of England has become, A _subject_ of contempt!!!

DCCLIX.--PAINTING.

A GENTLEMAN seeing a fine painting representing a man playing on the lute, paid this high compliment to the artist. ”When I look on that painting I think myself _deaf_.”

DCCLX.--NIL NISI, ETC.

A GENTLEMAN calling for beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, declined drinking it. ”What!” said the master of the house, ”don't you like the beer?”--”It is not to be found fault with,” answered the other; ”for one should never speak ill of the _dead_.”

DCCLXI.--ODD FORESIGHT.

LADY MARGARET HERBERT asked somebody for a _pretty_ pattern for a nightcap. ”Well,” said the person, ”what signifies the pattern of a nightcap?”--”O! child,” said she, ”you know, in _case of fire_!”

DCCLXII.--”THEREBY HANGS,” ETC.

A CERTAIN Irish judge, called the Hanging Judge, and who had never been known to shed a tear except when _Macheath_, in the ”Beggar's Opera,”

got his reprieve, once said to Curran, ”Pray, Mr. Curran, is that hung beef beside you? If it is, I will try it.”--”If you try it, my lord,”

replied Curran, ”it's sure _to be hung_.”

DCCLXIII.--GENERAL WOLFE.

GENERAL WOLFE invited a Scotch officer to dine with him; the same day he was also invited by some brother officers. ”You must excuse me,” said he to them; ”I am already engaged to Wolfe.” A smart young ensign observed, he might as well have expressed himself with more respect, and said _General_ Wolfe. ”Sir,” said the Scotch officer, with great prompt.i.tude, ”we never say _General_ Alexander, or _General_ Caesar.” Wolfe, who was within hearing, by a low bow to the Scotch officer, acknowledged the pleasure he felt at the high compliment.

DCCLXIV.--A QUESTION FOR THE PEERAGE.

AS the late Trades Unions, by way of a show, Over Westminster-bridge strutted five in a row, ”I feel for the bridge,” whispered d.i.c.k, with a s.h.i.+ver; ”Thus tried by the mob, it may sink in the river.”

Quoth Tom, a crown lawyer: ”Abandon your fears: As a bridge it can only be tried by _its piers_.”

DCCLXV.--A NOISE FOR NOTHING.

WHEN Thomas Sheridan was in a nervous, debilitated state, and dining with his father at Peter Moore's, the servant, in pa.s.sing by the fire-place knocked down the plate-warmer, and made such a clatter as caused the invalid to start and tremble. Moore, provoked by the accident, rebuked the man, and added, ”I suppose you have broken all the plates?”--”No, sir,” said the servant, ”not one!”--”Not one!” exclaimed Sheridan, ”then, hang it, sir, you have made all that noise _for nothing_!”

DCCLXVI.--SHORT MEASURE.

SOME one wrote in a hotel visitors' book his initials, ”A.S.” A wag wrote underneath, ”_Two-thirds_ of the truth.”

DCCLXVII.--DECANTING EXTRAORDINARY.