Part 17 (2/2)

CCCXVI.--KNOWING HIS PLACE.

AT a grand review by George III. of the Portsmouth fleet in 1789, there was a boy who mounted the shrouds with so much agility as to surprise every spectator. The king particularly noticed it, and said to Lord Lothian, ”Lothian, I have heard much of your agility; let us see you run up after that boy.”--”Sire,” replied Lord Lothian, ”it is my duty to _follow your Majesty_.”

CCCXVII.--AN ATTIC JEST.

SHERIDAN inquiring of his son what side of politics he should espouse on his inauguration to St. Stephen's, the son replied, that he intended to vote for those who offered best, and that he should wear on his forehead a label, ”To let.”--”I suppose, Tom, you mean to add, _unfurnished_,”

rejoined the father.

CCCXVIII.--CUTTING ON BOTH SIDES.

LORD B----, who sported a ferocious pair of whiskers, meeting Mr.

O'Connell in Dublin, the latter said, ”When do you mean to place your whiskers on the _peace establishment_?”--”When you place your tongue on the _civil list_!” was the rejoinder.

CCCXIX.--A READY RECKONER.

A MATHEMATICIAN being asked by a wag, ”If a pig weighs 200 pounds, how much will a great boar (_bore_?) weigh?” he replied, ”Jump into the scales, and I will _tell you immediately_.”

CCCXX.--CATCHING HIM UP.

AN Irishman being asked which was oldest, he or his brother, ”I am eldest,” said he, ”but if my brother lives three years longer, we shall be _both_ of an age.”

CCCXXI.--A STOPPER.

A GENTLEMAN describing a person who often visited him for the sole purpose of having a long gossip, called him Mr. Jones the _stay_-maker.

CCCXXII.--A BOOK CASE.

THERE is a celebrated reply of Mr. Curran to a remark of Lord Clare, who curtly exclaimed at one of his legal positions, ”O! if that be law, Mr.

Curran, I may burn my law-books!”--”Better _read_ them, my lord,” was the sarcastic and appropriate rejoinder.

CCCXXIII.--HINC ILLE LACHRYMae.

”THE mortality among Byron's mistresses,” said the late Lady A----ll, ”is really alarming. I think he generally buries, in verse, a first love every fortnight.”--”Madam,” replied Curran, ”mistresses are not so mortal. The fact is, my lord weeps for the _press_, and wipes his eyes with _the public_.”

CCCXXIV.--REASON FOR GOING TO CHURCH.

IT was observed of an old citizen that he was the most regular man in London in his attendance at church, and no man in the kingdom was more punctual in his prayers. ”He has a very good reason for it,” replied John Wilkes, ”for, as he never gave a s.h.i.+lling, did a kindness, or conferred a favor on any man living, _no one would pray for him_.”

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