Part 3 (1/2)
The door opened and a shadow swept slowly across the room. Always pale and in black--wrapped in her mourning the shadow of sorrow never left this mother; and now it seemed to envelop even Mary Ballard, bright and warm of nature as she was.
Hester Craigmile barely smiled as she held out her slender, blue-veined hand.
”It is very good of you to come to me, Mary Ballard, but you can't make me think I should be reconciled to this. No! It is hard enough to be reconciled to the blows G.o.d has dealt me, without accepting what my husband and son see fit to give me in this.” Her hand was cold and pa.s.sive, and her voice was restrained and low.
Mary Ballard's hands were warm, and her tones were rich and full. She took the proffered hand in both her own and drew the shadow down to sit at her side.
”No, no. I'm not going to try to make you reconciled, or anything.
I've just come to tell you that I understand, and that I think you are justified in withholding your consent to Peter Junior's going off in this way.”
”If he were killed, I should feel as if I had consented to his death.”
”Of course you would. I should feel just the same. Naturally you can't forbid his going,--now,--for it's too late, and he would have to go with the feeling of disobedience in his heart, and that would be cruel to him, and worse for you.”
”I know. His father has consented; they think I am wrong. My son thinks I am wrong. But I can't! I can't!” In her suppressed tones sounded the ancient wail of women--mothers crying for their sons sacrificed in war. For a few moments neither of them spoke. It was hard for Mary to break the silence. Her friend sat at her side withdrawn and still; then she lifted her eyes to the picture of herself and the children and spoke again, only breathing the words: ”Peter Junior--my beautiful oldest boy--he is the last--the others are all gone--three of them.”
”Peter Junior is splendid. I thought so last evening as I saw him coming up the path. I took it home to myself--what I should feel, and what I would think if he were my son. Somehow we women are so inconsistent and foolish. I knew if he were my son, I never could give my consent to his going, never in the world,--but there! I would be so proud of him for doing just what your boy has done; I would look up to him in admiration, and be so glad that he was just that kind of a man!”
Hester Craigmile turned and looked steadily in her friend's eyes, but did not open her lips, and after a moment Mary continued:--
”To have one's sons taken like these--is--is different. We know they are safe with the One who loved little children; we know they are safe and waiting for us. But to have a boy grow into a young man like Peter Junior--so straight and fine and beautiful--and then to have him come and say: 'I'm going to help save our country and will die for it if I must!' Why, my heart would grow big with thanksgiving that I had brought such an one into the world and reared him. I--What would I do!
I couldn't tell him he might go,--no,--but I'd just take him in my arms and bless him and love him a thousand times more for it, so he could go away with that warm feeling all about his heart; and then--I'd just pray and hope the war might end soon and that he might come back to me rewarded, and--and--still good.”
”That's it. If he would,--I don't distrust my son,--but there are always things to tempt, and if--if he were changed in that way, or if he never came back,--I would die.”
”I know. We can't help thinking about ourselves and how we are left--or how we feel--” Mary hesitated and was loath to go on with that train of thought, but her friend caught her meaning and rose in silence and paced the room a moment, then returned.
”It is easy to talk in that way when one has not lost,” she said.
”I know it seems so, but it is not easy, Hester Craigmile. It is hard--so hard that I came near staying at home this morning. It seemed as if I could not--could not--”
”Yes, what I said was bitter, and it wasn't honest. You were good to come to me--and what you have said is true. It has helped me; I think it will help me.”
”Then good-by. I'll go now, but I'll come again soon.” She left the shadow sitting there with the basket of fruit and flowers at her side unnoticed and forgotten, and stepped quietly out of the darkened room into the sunlight and fresh air.
”I do wish I could induce her to go out a little--or open up her house. I wish--” Mary Ballard said no more, but shut her lips tightly on her thoughts, untied the mare, and drove slowly away.
Hester Craigmile stood for a moment gazing on the picture of her little sons, then for an hour or more wandered up and down over her s.p.a.cious home, going from room to room, mechanically arranging and rearranging the chairs and small articles on the mantels and tables.
Nothing was out of place. No dust or disorder anywhere, and there was the pity of it. If only a boy's cap could be found lying about, or books left carelessly where they ought not to be! One closed door she pa.s.sed again and again. Once she laid her hand on the k.n.o.b, but pa.s.sed on, leaving it still unopened. At last she turned, and, walking swiftly down the long hall, entered the room.
There the blinds were closed and the curtains drawn, and everything set in as perfect order as in the parlor below. She sat down in a chair placed back against the wall and folded her hands in her lap.
No, it was not so hard for Mary Ballard. It would not be, even if she had a son old enough to go. Mary had work to do.
On the wall above Hester's head was one of the portraits which helped to establish the family dignity of the Craigmiles. If the blinds had been open, one could have seen it in sharp contrast to the pale moth of a woman who sat beneath it. The painting, warm and rich in tone, was of a dame in a long-bodiced dress. She held a fan in her hand and wore feathers in her powdered hair. Her eyes gazed straight across the room into those of a red-coated soldier who wore a sword at his side and gold on his shoulders. Yes, there had been soldiers in the family before Peter Junior's time.
This was Peter Junior's room, but the boy was there no longer. He had come home from college one day and had entered it a boy, and then he came out of it and down to his mother, dressed in his new uniform--a man. Now he entered it no more, for he stayed at the camp over on the high bluff of the Wisconsin River. He was wholly taken up with his new duties there, and his room had been set in order and closed as if he were dead.