Vol 2 Chapter 6 (2/2)

That’s why you should go see Ms. Hinako right now! If you wait until you die, then it’ll be too late!”

Regret is a punishment for not trying.

So right now, even if you’re still scared, you must also gather up your courage.

I’m certain that this is what should be done, and I’m also sure that this was the right thing to do.

However, my thinking was much too shallow.

“What if…what if, after we tell Mama everything——”

The words that followed dispelled everything I was about to say.

“And I die again… Mama probably won’t be able to bear it.”

“Oh——————”

In that moment, I didn’t know what to say.

Hikari Yumesaki may disappear.

Ms. Hinako still hasn’t recovered from the loss of her daughter.

That’s why——I wanted them to see each other again.

To meet before before she disappears.

“When I see her, what should I say? That although I’m still alive, I don’t know when I’ll disappear?”

The next lines left me speechless.

“I also want to see Mama. I also want to hug her tightly, talk to her, and cheer her up! But…but——What should I say to her!?

I don’t really mind, since I can see Mama before I died, and tell her my goodbyes.

However, Mama probably won’t be able to bear it. Letting her silently watch me die, she definitely can’t take it. Don’t you see how cruel it is? I’m scared, I don’t want to see Mama cry. I’m scared of seeing her in a miserable state. I don’t want to see that happen. I really am scared. So stop forcing me! Forgive me! Why don’t you understand me!?”

Traces of water stains could be seen everywhere on the notebook paper, and I could see that they were tear drops. The paper was wrinkly, and the letters looked messy. Writing this entry must’ve been quite painful for her. She was pushed into desperation by me, causing her to write these words.

“In fact…what if Mama doesn’t believe me? And even if she does believe me, what if she can’t accept the new body I’m in?”

“That probably won’t happen, Ms. Hinako is not like that——”

“If that happens, then I won’t be able to handle it. I’m begging you, please forgive me. I really am scared. I beg of you.”

“………”

An awful feeling welled up.

Also followed by a nauseous feeling. I need to think of something that would calm me down, and so——

“YOU IDIOT——————!”

I bellowed out a roar that felt as if it would shatter my organs, and then I finally calmed down.

I banged my head against the table like the piece of trash I was. I was truly pathetic. Way too pathetic. I actually…actually didn’t notice this simple detail.

That’s right, I had misunderstood.

I had thought that the only person who was hurting was Ms. Hinako who had lost her daughter, and that the only person who was suffering was Ms. Hinako who could never hear Hikari Yumesaki’s voice again. That Hikari Yumesaki, who refused to go visit Ms. Hinako, was only lacking courage.

However, that wasn’t it. Although it can be said that Hikari Yumesaki is still alive, her body is no longer the same as before. She can’t simply call Ms. Hinako, “Mama.”

“I…understand everything….”

I said that for Ms. Hinako’s sake, Hikari Yumesaki should go see her. But the thing is, the person who was truly considering how Ms. Hinako felt was not me. This was obvious. Incredibly obvious. Just like how I can’t understand Hikari Yumesaki better than Ms. Hinako, I can’t understand Ms. Hinako better than Hikari Yumesaki. This was obvious. And yet, yet I——

I tried reading Hikari Yumesaki’s journal entry again. But I only read half of it before I gave up.

I’m truly pathetic.

Even though I was supposed to be helping her, I forced her to write down this kind of memo.

Before this, Hikari Yumesaki had never cried when she wrote her journal entries.

Even when she felt bad about her death she didn’t act like this.

Even when she was concerned about Kazes.h.i.+ro’s revenge plan she didn’t act like this.

Up until now, Hikari Yumesaki has hid her weak side, trying to appear strong. Always showing me a radiant smile. Although it was a clumsy attempt to act brave, she was still trying her best.

But now it’s not the same, and this was the first time she appeared so fragile.

The situation before and the situation right now…what was the difference? I already knew.

“It’s because I became her enemy.”

What kind of a hero was I? Aren’t I just like how I was before?

Just a delinquent, one that everyone hates. In the end, if it weren’t for Hikari Yumesaki, I was still just a delinquent.

No matter when, Hikari Yumesaki would always have on an annoying smile and an energetic appearance, but the way she is now, she can’t even act brave in the journal. I really am——

“…Dammit…”

I tried to hold back my tears.

Raising my head, not letting the tears fall, I couldn’t allow myself to cry.

“But, what should I do… I can’t do anything…”

In my empty world, I let out a helpless shout. Now is not the the time to cry. If even I were to cry, then there would be no one who can stand back up. However, however I——

“Let’s unravel the secrets of Sakamoto’s body! Next up, for our first topic Hikari here will uncover Sakamoto’s secrets step-by-step! Now then, our first question is, “Why doesn’t Sakamoto cut his hair!?” The truth is, he really takes note of his fierce appearance!”

Huh?

“Oh, it was the alarm. That scared me for a second there.”

The alarm suddenly rang out in the middle of the quiet room. I was petrified for a bit.

That’s right, I woke up before the alarm today.

“——That’s why, he wants to grow out his hair so that he can hide his face, but the truth is, he doesn’t realize that this only makes him look even scarier~ The way he smiles about his bangs is also scary.”

“…Hikari Yumesaki.”

Usually, I would quickly turn off the alarm, but today I wanted to hear that idiot’s energetic voice for once, and so I let the ring continue.

“Therefore, Sakamoto! Cut your hair! Go get a manlier haircut! Even just once is fine, but I want to experience being a macho man! In fact, honestly speaking, your haircut is gets too hot in this kind of weather!”

Sigh, this was the first time I actually listened to it, and that’s how it was. I feel like she’s just as cheerful as usual.

“However, Sakamoto’s face really suits Hikari-chan’s tastes! Hikari-chan also hopes to become this kind of a delinquent! I also want to become an anti-hero who does his work in the dark!”

“…Who are you calling an ‘anti-hero’…?”

“And so, lighten up a bit, come on♪Sakamoto, today is another day to greet with excitement! Be sure to do your best for the entire day! Bye bye~☆”

I couldn’t help but begin to smirk at the end of the alarm. Hearing it really makes one feel happy, and I felt like I wanted to hear it every morning when I wake up. It looks like it was worth not pressing the stop b.u.t.ton. Really not bad.

“……….”

“Are you still listening?”

“Huh?”

“……….”

“You’re probably not listening anymore.”

Eh?

What’s this? Is there more at the end?

“………”

“After all, this is the impatient Sakamoto we’re talking about here… He should’ve turned it off by now…”

“………”

“If you’re going to turn it off, then you better do it now! Hurry up and get out of bed OK~!”

“Alright, he must’ve turned it off by now.”

“Hehe…”

“…now then,”

“Usually I’m too shy to say this, but there’s something that I really wanted to tell you.”

“Sakamoto”

“——Ever since that day, you’ve always been my ideal type.”

“————!”

“Even now. You are my hero who only belongs to me. You better become my support OK? Smooch”

“Eheheh…”

Beep——

The alarm ended there.

“………”

The tears that I had been holding back almost leaked out.

I really regret it, so much that I almost couldn’t handle it. She trusted me that much. I actually let the girl who trusted me that much cry. I actually hurt Hikari Yumesaki.

That’s right, didn’t Ms. Hinako also mention it before? That when Hikari Yumesaki was wandering around the watermelon field, she was tightly hugging the notebook in excitement?

For me, the notebook was a symbol of Hikari Yumesaki, but what about for Hikari Yumesaki herself? I don’t even have to think about it. For Hikari Yumesaki, it was me, it was Akitsuki Sakamoto.

At first, I had wanted Ms. Hinako to become Hikari Yumesaki’s support. I had thought that Ms. Hinako would definitely be better at helping Hikari Yumesaki than me, believing that she would be better at saving Hikari Yumesaki than me. However, it turns out that I was just wasting time on a wild goose chase.

That idiot——the one person that Hikari Yumesaki relied on was me.

It wasn’t her mother, it wasn’t Kazes.h.i.+ro, it wasn’t anyone else.

The one hero that she truly relied on, the hero that she hoped would save her, was——

“AAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh————!”

I clenched my fists and yelled.

My fighting spirit felt like it was burning up.

I suddenly stood up. I can’t cry. I casually wiped my eyes, and looked straight ahead.

“I definitely, definitely must think of a plan.”

Just you two wait! No matter what, I’ll definitely come to save the both of you!

I came back to the watermelon fields once again in the rain.

My reason? I didn’t know either. But doing nothing wouldn’t help with the situation. What should I do when I see Ms. Hinako? I hadn’t sorted out my thoughts, but maybe things will turn around. That’s right, carrying hope——

“Eh?”

However, after I vigorously pressed the doorbell, there was no answer.

Was she out? The thing is, her bike is still here.

“Whatever, I’ll just wait.”

I didn’t even know Ms. Hinako’s contact information, so I could only wait for her to return at the front entrance——but after waiting a while, I never did see her figure.

In the end I don’t know how long it lasted, but I stiffly waited for Ms. Hinako under the hot and humid weather brought by the rain. I half thought to myself that she might return soon, and I continued waited to the point where I began to feel drowsy. And so, after I kept waiting for a while——

“Sakamoto?”

“………!”

“Sakamoto!”

“Whaaaaaaa!?”

Turning around while shouting, the already half-asleep me was frightened for a moment. W-What!?

“Sakamoto, what are you doing?”

“Oh, K-Kazes.h.i.+ro… You scared me there for a second.”

The guy standing behind me and holding a black umbrella was my handsome rival, Kazes.h.i.+ro.

“I mean, what are you doing? You look like a ghost.”

“I was at the library looking for a clue on how to save Hikari. Right now I’m heading home, and then I saw you so I came to take a look. What are you doing here? If you don’t start looking for clues then it’ll be too late. You understand right, Sakamoto?”

Probably because he was stressed, but Sakamoto was a bit anxious as he asked. Seeing him like that, it looks like there wasn’t anything at the library either.

“I’m need to talk with Hikari Yumesaki’s mother. Since she’s not home, I can only wait.”

“…Not home?”

The sweltering heat gave me fatigue, so I nonchalantly replied. Hearing my reply, Kazes.h.i.+ro posed his question in a low voice.

“…She still hasn’t returned?”

“Huh? What’s wrong? Still?”

“I also came to see Auntie three days ago, thinking that I could come pay my respects.”

Huh.

“However, at that time she was not home either——”

————!

My mind went completely blank.

Three days ago, I remember that I went to see Ms. Hinako four days ago, so it was on the second day.

That day Ms. Hinako was not home, just like how she was not home today.

What happened?

I recalled that tidy living room, how all the memoirs of Hikari Yumesaki were gone, and how empty the room was.

I remembered Ms. Hinako’s devastated look, and the situation with Hikari Yumesaki’s father. And also,

——Akitsuki, is it alright if I let my cat stay at your place?

…Oh, I might be out of the house for a while…

“…You gotta be kidding me.”

“Eh, Oi! Sakamoto!?”

In a flash, I ran out into the rain.

“Sakamoto! What’s wrong!?”

I didn’t pay any attention to Kazes.h.i.+ro who was chasing after me, and I recklessly sprinted under the rain.

I don’t even know where Ms. Hinako was. But, if I just stood there and didn’t do anything, then my mind couldn’t help but think of crazy things.

It’s gotta be a joke, it’s gotta be a joke. It can’t be true!

How could this happen, that person, how could——

“Excuse me! Now then, pardon me!”

Once I recovered, I held back my tears as I rang the doorbell of a neighbor’s house.

The person who came out looked at me with surprise. Ah, I just realized my own appearance.

“Anyway, do you know where the person who owns this watermelon field, Ms. Yumesaki, went?”

I breathlessly yelled in a loud voice. At first, everyone looked at me with suspicion, but they must have noticed from my panicked look that something was wrong, and so they answered one after the other. However.

“Don’t know.”

“Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen her for the past couple of days.”

“Sorry, but I don’t know either. But you know, she hasn’t been energetic as much lately…”

All of the replies I got made me worry more. Oi oi…

In the end, I respectfully bowed my head towards the lady who looked like she was a college student, and once again headed out into the rain. Dammit, dammit. This was definitely not good. How did the situation turn into this?

“Sakamoto, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Chasing me the entire time, Kazes.h.i.+ro gasped for breath as he asked. I turned around, and caught my breath as I told him.

“…Four days ago, I visited Ms. Hinako, and at that time, she looked like she was had been quite devastated by what happened with Hikari Yumesaki, the room was also cleaned up nice and tidy, and she even wanted me to raise her cat for her. It’s like she’s going to…”

I hesitated for a moment, and tried to take back what I said. But Kazes.h.i.+ro was a sharp person. He already understood the situation, and he pressed his hand against his forehead as he thought.

“So that’s how it is huh, that’s certainly bad. We don’t even know Auntie’s cell phone number. What should we do? Notify the police?”

“…If we can’t find her before it gets dark, then I guess we’ll go to the police.”

Dammit. If only I could get in touch with Hikari Yumesaki, we could at least ask her for any clues. However, no matter how hard I try, that wasn’t something I could do. No matter how hard I try…

“Sakamoto!”

Kazes.h.i.+ro shouted towards me as I held my head down.

“Sakamoto, lighten up a bit! Don’t be like that, raise your head!”

“…Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Alright, well let’s first expand our search area. No problem right?”

I vigorously nodded. I mean really, you’re quite worried too. What a reliable b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

That’s right, my other half hadn’t revived yet, so I must work hard to make up for it. I must save Ms. Hinako in her place.

I convinced myself in my heart, but bad thoughts continued to fill my head. If my speculations were to come true——these kind of farfetched thoughts continued to run through my mind. Dammit, what should I do?

“You better be fine, Ms. Hinako.”

That day, we searched all over until it grew dark——but we still couldn’t find Ms. Hinako. As such, because we weren’t related to her, we couldn’t submit a missing person report to the police. After we talked with the police at the nearby police station about the situation, we went home.

Just where did you go…

That night, with the rain pattering in the midst of darkness, I silently looked at the notebook in front of me.

I have to write, I can’t not write.

Should I write that “It might be too late”? Don’t screw around, I can’t possibly write that kind of thing.

Let’s just ask Kazes.h.i.+ro to look after tomorrow’s me for now. Hikari Yumesaki might still remember Ms. Hinako’s cell phone number. As such, maybe by the time I wake up again this whole thing will be over. That’s why, maybe I shouldn’t worry about it, and I only need to write everything down, and everything will be fine if I leave it all to tomorrow’s me. But.

“If… If nothing is resolved…”

That idiot probably won’t be able to handle it. I need someone to stand by her just in case.

The only people who know that Hikari Yumesaki is still alive are me and Kazes.h.i.+ro. Kazes.h.i.+ro should be able to take care of her. So leaving it to Kazes.h.i.+ro should be for the best. Even for me, the idiot who made Hikari Yumesaki cry, to write in this notebook, wouldn’t it be better off just leaving it to Kazes.h.i.+ro? Furthermore, I couldn’t even talk face to face with Hikari Yumesaki, or even hold her hand, so compared with the useless me, Kazes.h.i.+ro would probably…

——Teehee, you and Hikari-chan are very much alike after all.

“————!”

Just as I was about to give up, I remembered what Ms. Hinako had said.

——When you were racking your brain outside my house a while ago, you wouldn’t stop fiddling with your hair, and kept walking back and forth,

——Although, there is one thing that makes you two different,

One thing different.

——In the end, you can rely on your own strength to walk forward, just like today.

——If only Hikari-chan was as strong as you are…then who knows would have happened.

Rely on one’s own strength——

“——Aaahhhh!”

I cried out, and grasped the pen.

“Hikari Yumesaki!”

I yelled with all my might, and wrote just as imposing words into the journal.

“I’m really sorry, but I have some bad news to tell you. Ms. Hinako has disappeared. If we still can’t find her, I guess my speculations will have come true. I’ve already told Kazes.h.i.+ro about this, so you should go ask him for help. I believe that Ms. Hinako is still alive, so go find her!”

That’s right.

“Even if you don’t find her, don’t give up. If that happens, then just write about the memories that only you two know into this notebook, showing that you’re still alive, and I’ll definitely save Auntie!”

Didn’t Ms. Hinako say it before, that I had the strength to rely on myself and walk forward?

“You’re worried, hurt, and afraid of revealing everything to Ms. Hinako, and I’m sorry for before, when I didn’t understand your feelings and said some things that I thought was obvious. However, doing nothing and waiting until the end is also unacceptable. It’ll be too late for regrets. That’s why, gather up your courage, ok?”

Hikari Yumesaki also said it before, that I was her only hero.

That’s why I——

“I really hate that I can’t be by your side. Why are we so far apart? However, it doesn’t matter how far apart we are, I will never leave you behind. So, don’t cry. Don’t cry anymore. I will definitely save you!”

Even if we can never see each other, or talk together, we were still tightly connected.

All we needed was the notebook to convey our thoughts to each other, and all we needed was to open the notebook to share our memories. Because there was no way for us to talk face to face, we had to reveal our true thoughts to each other. All of the embarra.s.sing things that we would rather not say face to face, only the two of us who could never meet had the ability to say those things to each other.

After writing everything down in one breath, I lied down on my bed.

I trusted that my feelings would definitely reach her. Even if my hand can’t reach, I could definitely wipe her tears, I firmly believed.

I’m relying on you, tomorrow’s me.

Two days later.

They still could not find Ms. Hinako.

According to Kazes.h.i.+ro’s phone call, they apparently searched for the entire day until night, but even so they could not find her. Although they got Auntie’s phone number from Hikari Yumesaki, it appeared that she didn’t bring her cell phone with her. It’s probably her habit of not using electronics.

Since Hikari Yumesaki still remembered the hiding location for the spare key, they even went inside to look, but it was already clear of signs of life. Not even the cat could be sighted. The situation had taken a turn for the worse. We might even have to expect the worst conclusion.

“Although it’s really surprising.”

Kazes.h.i.+ro said from the other side of the phone.

“I had thought that Hikari would be completely lost because of Auntie’s situation, but who would’ve known that she didn’t cry even once, and she did her best at searching. Sakamoto, you must’ve said something to her, right?”

And that’s what he says.

“Yeah, probably. Alright, I’ll go out and search some more today…do you want to come with?”

“No, we should split up. Call me immediately if you find her.”

“Of course,” I easily replied as I ended the call and opened the notebook.

“I’m sorry Sakamoto, I’m really sorry for writing those kinds of things. You really are kind huh. Even though I couldn’t find Mama, I believe that she’s definitely alright.”

The notebook contained an entry left behind by yesterday’s me, words that came from Hikari Yumesaki herself.

“I’ll definitely come clear with Mama. About how I’m already dead, but also alive, maybe even how I’ll disappear, I’ll tell her everything. Although I’m scared, I don’t want things to end this way. I also don’t want to give up. Even though I don’t know what to do, and I may be a little bit hesitant, it’s obvious that I still want to be revived. I want to meet with Mama after I revive. That’s why I’ll definitely reveal everything to her. I’ll definitely revive, I’ve already made this realization. I don’t want to run away anymore. I want to be strong like Sakamoto.

But you know, Sakamoto. If Mama’s really in a tough situation, and I’m too late to see her, then I’ll have to rely on you at that time. I’ve already written down the memories that only we share, so I’ll have you go see her in my place. I’ll leave everything to you. If you act, you’ll definitely save Mama. I believe in you.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely think up something.”

After I muttered those words, I glanced down at the entry below.

“There’s just one thing I want to ask.”

“Huh?”

“Why are you willing to go so far for me?”

“………”

Why huh.

“Because.”

I hesitated for a moment, but I swallowed it down together with my saliva.

I——

“Ever since I saw you when we were little, I’ve always wanted to be your hero.”

Today, I searched all over for Ms. Hinako, having never ran through so many places before.

I couldn’t even feel my fatigue anymore.

Countless unpleasant thoughts filled my head, and each time I forcefully suppressed them, and then I continued to search.

That idiot probably understands my loneliness now.

She probably cried several times without me knowing.

We can only meet through the notebook.

I could only stroke the tears stained in the notebook.

We would probably never be able to wipe away each other’s tears either.

However, it’s not like we couldn’t do anything.

Even if there was no way for us to touch each other, no way for us to talk to each other, and no way for us to meet and laugh together.

I could still stand at the place closest to her.

What does it matter if I can’t wipe away her tears.

Even so, I could still provide a handkerchief for her.

I could give the handkerchief to someone who will wipe your tears for me.

If it rains tomorrow, then I’ll just prepare an umbrella for you today.

If you plan on running tomorrow, then I’ll just do the stretches for you today.

Playing the unseen hero, the unrewarded hero, that much should be enough. For me, this was perfect, and the most fitting for me.

For her, I silently swore an oath to myself in my heart. And that made the rest of the problem easy.

I’ll go run everywhere and search, until my whole body is dripping with sweat, I’m covered with dirt, and my eyes are filled with tears.

And then I’ll hand my handkerchief to that person, and let him wipe your tears. I’ll definitely accomplish it.

——As I grew more excited, I continued my search until who knows when.

The sun was already setting in the west.

“Huh?”

I was worried that if Ms. Hinako had already came home, I might’ve missed her, and so I came back to the watermelon field, and saw a car parked there.

“Huh——?”

I could only see a man standing besides the car.

Could it be——

I intuitively guessed it.

He was a middle-aged man who had thin, rectangular gla.s.ses, and he was

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