Vol 1 Chapter 4 (2/2)

On that day, everything she wrote in the notebook was about the same thing.

As for why this is the case, I have to go back to two days ago. I was writing my diary 2 days ago–in other words, in response to Hikari Yumesaki’s diary entry 3 days ago “Speaking of which, it’s a bit late, but do you have any girls that you like, Sakamoto? Do you like that girl you exchanged messages with? What do you think about her?”

In regards to that question, my reply two days ago was, “I don’t have anyone I like, and I’m not dating that girl. We’re just penpals. I didn’t think of her as that kind of partner’. Surely such a content should be fine, I guess. I’m not lying in any way, and we never contacted each other all the time.

However, I found that line right at the beginning of the notebook.

And then, the line below it was,

“Hm–hmmm~”

And the following line,

“Hm—–hmmm~” What are you wondering about here?

And furthermore, there came this offensive line,

“A virgin. A penpal girl. ‘I don’t think of her as this kind of partner’ (twinkle)…this is weird. This isn’t like you, you l.u.s.tful Sakamoto.”

Leave me alone! I’m not so desperate that I’m thinking about this!

And then, there comes this line,

“Now then, have you been confessed to before? Ah, if I’m asking a very cruel question here, I’m sorry.”

Such a question was posed to me.

“That worry of yours is more cruel here, okay?”

I let out a sullen sigh in the room.

Normally, I would have to say ‘no’.

I never actually managed to talk to a girl properly, and I feel that I won’t ever get a confession in my lifetime.

But what do I write here?

Write down “I haven’t been confessed to in my life till this second year of high school?” Now this is too embarra.s.sing.

“My lie won’t be exposed, right?”

I lost to what can be said to be an unnecessary amount of pride.

“I did, once before. But I refused.”

Such d.a.m.n forced prideful words are really causing me to explode in anger. But can you understand this? Boys are all like this, right?

And so, I use this moment to slip in a question I always wanted to ask.

Nonchalantly, pretending not to be interested.

“What about you?”

“It should be natural, right…?”

I muttered to myself.

This girl has such a cheerful personality, and I won’t be surprised if I see her aggressively pursuing one.

In that case, the chances of her having a boyfriend is–

“…”

I feel conflicted for some reason, and so I decide not to think about it.

In the end, my mind’s in a haze, and I just can’t get rid of that thought, so I can only force myself to sleep. Two days later, when I woke up, I immediately open the notebook hastily.

First, let’s check the reply to my forced reply,

“Once? That’s somewhat unexpected.”

That’s all.

…

This is…erm?

I feel that there’s something wrong about it, and so i continue to read, seeing the next line at the bottom.

I take a deep breath, and open my eyes wide. The words at the bottom appear in my sight.

“Secret (heart sign)”

“…”

A defeated feeling arose in me, and so I write down there, “I’m not very interested either myself, so it doesn’t matter’. It felt forced coming from me though, so I intend to rub it off. However, I can’t as it’s a ball-point pen, and I really regret it.

“What am I doing here…”

Seriously, what was I doing?

“You look rather tired.”

“All sorts of things happened.”

“Oho, it was really intense yesterday, huh?”

“How many times have you said this.”

It’s a certain Tuesday morning.

Because of that idiot staying up late at night, I’m completely worn up, and I can only take a break and head to the infirmary to rest.

Higumo’s dressed in a white robe, her hair tied in a ponytail as she swayed her m.u.f.fler about while chatting. The way she’s dressed up seems sweltering hot.

“I’m joking. Actually, you’ve been catching quite some attention yourself.”

“Catching attention…huh?”

I stare at the ceiling, and start to think about recent events.

I had neither friends nor a girlfriend.

I was ostracized by others no matter whether I was in school, or at home, and also treated as a super delinquent in school too.

These were a thing of the past.

Right now, I still don’t have a girlfriend, but there are people I can call friends in cla.s.s. I never made any friends before, so I’m not too certain as to the level of friends.h.i.+p, which makes this depressing.

My relations.h.i.+p with my family is not as tense as it used to be before, and I feel that the frequency of my conversations with my little sister is increasing.

I’ll occasionally hear people in the neighborhood saying ‘Looks like his rebellious state is over’, probably because I have been taking part in neighborhood volunteer work. Was I giving such an impression before this?

My situation at school is as Higumo had said. I don’t really know how the teachers view me here, but I at least am really trusted by my cla.s.smates, and the proof of this is that my cla.s.smates are often asking me for help recently, or discussing matters with me. Is it right to call this prestige? I do think it’s a little wrong however.

“Have I changed here?”

I inadvertently blurt out these words.

d.a.m.n it. I thought, but it seemed Higumo didn’t hear me. In an instant, she vanished from me. Huh? Where did she go?

“Capture success.”

“Woah!?”

At the moment I realize the voice’s coming from

Higumo getting on me in a horse-riding position while I’m lying on the bed, pressing on my chest.

Wait–don’t do this in a miniskirt…! Your cleavage’s open…!

“You won’t be able to move now. Hoho. Where are you looking?”

“I-I’m not…”

This person seriously needs to be educated.

Seriously, and speaking of which, when has she been this interested in me? She’s the only one who showed me any form of goodwill at first. Such a strange fellow.

“…This teacher here is worried about you, you know?”

“Huh?”

What’s she saying out of a sudden? What’s with this development? And speaking of which, get off me now.

“Hey, Akitsuki? Is this teacher fine with you? This teacher’s glad to do so if it’s you. This teacher will, keep this, a, se-cr-et.”

“I say, why such a development? Enough already.”

“You don’t wanna?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah, it’s a lie.”

An annoying silence descend of the silence, somewhat mixed with the noises from the field.

s.h.i.+t, what’s with this? Why’s she giving such a skeptical look?

“Akitsuki, you’re too much of a good guy. This teacher understands this very well. You would always worry about others all this time. It feels like you subconsciously show no care regarding your life, saying ‘please have it’ and handing it over. Isn’t it better to just live your life as it is?”

“…”

I want to say something, but I can’t refute her points. I’m such an honest person after all.

I’m a person who’s willing to give up half my life here. I too think that I’m a good guy.

“Are you the type of person who’ll follow every single command the girl you like gives?”

“Such a thing isn’t–”

And I have a little regret over the averting of my eyes.

“That braids girl?”

“…I don’t know.”

Higumo licks her index finger as she asked me this.

I continue to search for all sorts of excuses, but it seems that I’ll end up more susceptible, so I decide to remain silence for now. Just give already, you.

“It’s not always a good thing to obey the one you likes. if you decide your true thoughts, you’ll regret this for the rest of your life. Regret is a punishment for not working hard, and the burden of guilt is too much for a short human lifespan to handle. Especially when it comes to a certain person–”

“…”

Higumo stares right into my eyes, seemingly saying such words to someone else.

For some reason, her words seem similar to what that guy said, or maybe it’s just me.

“Well, hoho, aren’t you quite cute.

And then, Higumo–

“Nnn…”

Chu.

“Too bad. This is all this teacher can say right now. Bye then.”

Higumo uses her moist index finger to wipe around my lips, and slowly leaves me. At the same time, she releases her body from me.

“Also, I do find you more handsome with shorter hair.”

Leaving these words behind, she heads out of the infirmary. I can only let out a sigh at that white figure…well, whatever.

“…Is she, serious…”

The moist finger lingers a sweet, cold touch on my lips.

Such a touch fuddled my heart, and I inadvertently gulp.

Having returned from school, I reach my room, change clothes, and look at the notebook.

I’m a little more frantic than usual this morning, so I left my notebook at home. This is the first time I’m opening this notebook.

I guess there isn’t anything important written inside.

“[Virgin report!] I just witnessed Kasumi buying some Gomu GomO fruit at the drugstore today!! Just a step more! We’ve finally made it this far! I’m going to be the Pirate Queen!”

“Did she just write some incredible thing there——!?”

You’re kidding me, right?

No, this is, ehhh!?

Wait, wait, calm down now. This may be a joke on Hikari Yumesaki’s part. Calm down now!

For some reason, it seems that Kasumi has been weirder than usual today…

And the girls’ eyes are dazzling when they look at me…

…

“AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

I don’t know anymore! Forget about it! Forget about it all!!

In my excitement, I end up running one round around the streets, and once I got to my room, I did the JSDF’s menu of abs training, did handstands, shouting ‘s.h.i.+meji s.h.i.+meji s.h.i.+meji s.h.i.+meji!!’ creating a ruckus until my mind finally reverts back to normal. Calm down, calm down now. it’s not time to panic yet. Stop boxing the lights switch already. Enough already, me!

After exerting the excessive energy within me, I again flip through the notebook.

“Recently, everyone’s been asking me ‘what kind of girl do you like’? I think it’s better that Sakamoto and I share the same interests, right? Anyway, I just said big b.r.e.a.s.t.s, white skin, big b.r.e.a.s.t.s, pet.i.te body, big b.r.e.a.s.t.s, twintails, moe, is that okay?”

“Aren’t you just talking about that girl?”

It’s a rare thing that this girl actually asks for what I ask.

I guess she’s playing it safe this time because it also concerns Kasumi.

“My type?”

I wonder once again.

As for what I can see…well, I’m not so particular about that.

A cute girl is fine, but the important thing is the inner heart. The appearance is just a decoration after all. I can’t say that a terrifying appearance requires a different treatment. No way.

I rub my sweat away, and continue to ponder.

If it’s personality, I guess I prefer a cheerful girl after all.

It’s best if it’s an enthusiastic girl who can drag this unenthusiastic me around.

As for other aspects, I don’t think it’s a bad thing if that girl’s personality is stubborn, or that she’ll pay any particular mind to the mind. Perhaps a feisty personality is fine after all. As for being a prankster…

………

……

…

“What am I thinking of here!? Pull myself together, man!”

I yell as I slam my head against the table.

It’s a mistake, a mistake here, I say! That’s not supposed to be the case!

“d.a.m.n it, d.a.m.n it, this has to be a lie, right…?”

For some reason, I can see Higumo’s smirk in my mind, and I again shake my head. Ah, that’s enough already. Somebody just kill me already! n.o.body has a gun around!?

After going rampant for quite a while, I leap to the bed.

–I didn’t know that you were such a wonderful person, Sakamoto

Kasumi’s words is engulfing my mind.

Am I serious? Am I seriously serious here!?

“I never noticed it. That person–”

Was, was so–

“Confession’s————————————————————————————————————————-here!!!!! It’s here!!! It’s here——!!!”

Waking up earlier due to the alarm clock set earlier than usual, I find the room still in darkness.

Is that so,

“Oh…”

For some reason, I find myself letting out this sound.

Continued on the notebook is,

“Kasumi said to me ‘please go out with me’! And I said ‘I want to make a serious answer, so please wait for a day’!! I’ve done my prep here here!! it’s up to you now! Make your firm decision!!”

The words are dazzling, looking excited.

And right below it are the words,

“I’ve already cut your fingernails.”

“…”

I already understood from the emotions in the word.

That girl wrote such words with such a happy feeling.

But because of this, I–

I called Kasumi over to an empty cla.s.sroom.

It’s after school, and the sunset fills the campus.

It’s the warm, warm orange that girl likes.

The performance of the wind instrument club can be heard from afar, and mixed amongst them is a breaking sound of sunset.

Surely this is unmendable now.

“Sorry, I can’t go out with you.”

This line is a lot easier than I thought, even I was shocked by it.

My heart was pounding so loudly, my ears were ringing, and my entire body was rampaging for some reason.

“…No.”

“Sorry.”

But the unexpected thing is that Kasumi did not avert her eyes.

She’s not crying at all. She’s not shocked at all. She’s just remaining still there, seemingly forgetting how to cry and tremble.

It’ll be laughable if I can’t endure this any further.

But I’m unable to do so, and finally look away.

I don’t want to see such a sad look. if possible, I want to be able to let Hikari Yumesaki face all these. However, this matter won’t just end like this.

And thus, I had to make Kasumi cry.

“Why…?”

Kasumi’s seemingly in a dream as she lets out a soft voice.

She looks like she’s trying to hold it in, like she was giving up, and yet unable to give up.

She’s chiding me with such a voice. Should I be proud for being able to hear such a voice?

“I have somebody I like.”

I find this to be a cruel line.

Beautiful it is, but extremely cruel,

“That person’s selfish and does whatever she does, is easily angered, loves to play tricks, and is basically like an idiot. She never thinks about doing things in order, lacks common sense, and never thinks that she’s causing trouble for others in whatever she does. She’s really a hopeless person. She’s been causing me trouble all this time, always doing things that annoy me to no end. But because of her, I find that I’m liking myself a little. This is the first time I’m living like this ever since I’m born, so, so…I–”

I’m unable to say anymore.

Because I don’t have the courage to continue.

“What you like isn’t me. That’s why, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know, what you mean…”

The furious words are dripping onto the wet floor.

And all I can do is to apologize,

“…Who is it? Who’s that girl?”

“…”

“…I think…I like you more than that girl, Sakamoto.”

“…I think so too.”

“…But even that’s, not enough…?”

“Sorry.”

“…”

I mercilessly trample upon her last resistance.

“…That’s enough.”

She proceeds to leave, harboring intense emotions, sadness all over.

The back profile of hers cause me to understand something, that she will never ever forgive me.

The floor is marked with her tears.

And they shall never disappear.

It’s two days later.

My room’s a complete wreckage.

The room’s so badly destroyed I don’t even know how to begin describing the scene. I let out a sigh. Well, this went just as I expected.

My body’s feeling very heavy, and my eyes hurt.

The pain and sc.r.a.pes on my hands are probably due to her slamming the wall.

I take out my cellphone to affirm the time, and find a message from my sister.

“What are you thinking, y-you stupid brother! Just go and die!”

And to match my response, I open the sent mail folder.

“This tragedy has awakened a forbidden afternoon trouble! Oh little sister! Come comfort your brother!”

And all I can see are 30 of these disgusting messages.

“…Enough already.”

There’s the clothes that were toppled out, the overturned furniture and miscellaneous items.

I pick up the items that have been ravaged by the typhoon of annoyance. I guess I can call her gentle as the only thing left unscathed in the room was the Parsley.

And in the end, I moved the trash bin, now on the desk, onto the floor, and opened the notebook that was placed under it.

There was one simple line written in there,

“You idiot.”

“As you say so.”

I lower my head and apologize.

“4.59am?”

If I’m waking up on the bed today, even this mild-mannered me will start rampaging. That girl’s trying her best in her own way however. She has textbooks and reference books placed on the desk like a student, and the notebook were placed by the side.

“It’s Hikari’s victory…I hope that’s the case…”

Written on it was a line akin to a dying message.

“It’s still cold in the morning?”

It’s morning in early June, still somewhat dark out there.

I mutter this to the eerie sky that looks like it’s trying to reverse the red color.

“Guess there’s no doubt this is the time after all.”

It’s the melancholic beginning of the month, the mid-terms around the corner.

I managed to discover something out of coincidence, that ‘there’s a fixed time for us to switch over’.

Before this, both Hikari Yumesaki and I a.s.sumed that our personalities would switch at will during the time when sleep, till the moment we wake up. However, it seems the time we switch over is fixed. There are occasions when I burn the midnight oil trying to revise for my exams, only for my consciousness to snap midway through, and that I’m on the bed the next moment I wake up.

And so, I came up with a conjecture, that ‘at a certain time, we’ll switch our consciousness like we’re sleeping’, and decide to experiment on each other.

The experiment basically consists of the following, that ‘Hikari Yumesaki is to burn the midnight oil, and we will check the time we wake up’. At the moment, once the personalities have been switched, I can tell the time both of us switch over looking at the clock. This is also a reason to force Hikari Yumesaki, who doesn’t do any form of revision, to burn the midnight oil.

That girl has always stayed up late, but after looking at the plan, she protested,

“I don’t wanna stay up till morning.”

However, I broke out of my usual character, and wrote a long determined essay on the notebook indicating my firm will with regards to this. This isn’t a joke; it’ll be bad if I don’t hurry up and study. The subjects are basically divided into 2, so the burden’s probably smaller than usual. This is why she should be studying harder.

And so, after several setbacks (where Hikari Yumesaki ended up sleeping), we finally succeeded on this day. The proof is that I’m very tired. It seems the moment of personalities switch is very tiring.

“So the time my vision vanishes is 4.59am? Looks like I have to be sleeping before then.”

If I don’t do so, both of us will be confused due to the sudden switch.

Like for example, the coffee in the corner of my sights.

Did she just brew it, or was it completely chilled?

It’s a minor thing, but a sudden switch in personality will cause anyone to have doubts Also, I wonder if she took a sip from this coffee, or not at all–

“…”

No, it’s an indirect kiss, but that’s just myself, right? Just the myself a few minutes ago, right? But well, to put it in some way, it’s like an indirect kiss.

“She prepared it for me, huh?”

It seems she brewed it to drink herself, but the timing’s unfortunate. Well, since she brewed it, I’ll help myself now.

I thought as I reach my hand for the cup, the sickening sweet taste flowing–

“Hot!”

It’s hot! Hotter than I thought!

I saw it giving off steam, but it’s still hotter than I thought!

“Looks like she just brewed it…huh?”

There’s a little note placed under the cup saucer, now liberated from the weight of the cup.

Written on it were the messy words out of place,

“I think it’s about that time now.”

“…”

Ah, I see. So that’s how it is.

The warm flames are burning deep within my heart.

The indescribable message is causing me to subconsciously show a smile

“You did well there, Hikari Yumesaki.”

The sky outside the window is gray with a blue hue, a color that could cause one to forget about others for some inexplicable reason.

It’s like the initial moments of a lost soul wandering into a different world, inexplicably delighted.

I look at the sky that girl was looking at just a while back, and my cold body is warmed by that sweet color.

“What is this?”

It’s a certain sunny day after the mid-terms ended without a hitch.

I switch on the computer, hoping to burn some time on the internet, and come across a strange folder.

It’s a customized folder with a heart sign icon, placed in the middle of the desktop. The t.i.tle of the folder is ‘My true feelings’.

“…”

True feelings.

Heart sign.

…

I’m not particularly interested about it, but I guess it doesn’t matter if I have a look at it.

I gulp, and while panting, I double-click on the icon.

And like my anime folder, the folder’s encrypted, d.a.m.n it. Pa.s.sword.

Anyway, I try entering all the pa.s.swords I can think of, but they all return back as errors.

My (Watas.h.i.+) true feelings. I (Ore) want to see. I (Watas.h.i.+), I (Ore), I (Watas.h.i.+), I (Ore), I (Watas.h.i.+).

“…”

“Hikari Sakamoto.”

“What’s with that!?”

Enter.

Confirm.

d.a.m.n it.

“Calm down, calm down now, me.”

After the ma.s.sive delusion of an elementary kid, I start to piece things together again.

I’m curious, but I don’t know the pa.s.sword…d.a.m.n it. Am I supposed to give up now? What’s that girl’s thinking? Though she always has been like this.

Feeling reluctant, I still force myself to connect to the internet instead.

And while I’m surfing the internet to relieve myself.

“Ah!”

I notice something.

There’s a website I’ve never seen before on the browsing history.

“Got to be that girl.”

I’m the only one using this computer after all.

And so,

Any records I don’t know of that’s indicated here is definitely left behind by that girl.

In other words, I can tell what she normally looks at.

In other words, I can peek upon her privacy.

“…”

What do I do?

Can I look?

Maybe I’ll end up on a pervert looking site–

…

“I guess it’s fine if it’s just a little.”

I feel that I’m somewhat stubborn in saying this, but she does search through my privacy from time to time. There was once when I came across something that left me speechless. The files in that anime folder has been rearranged due to the number of times she viewed it, and the most watched anime t.i.tle that’s boasted proudly is “The number of tissue paper I’ve taken down is no less than anyone else.” Right, now my doubts are gone.

“Anyway, let’s start from the top.”

Driven by my curiosity, I open the web site.

Shown on it is a shopping site filled with photos of cats and dogs. There’s a lot of anime and movie sites too. It seems she has been to a lot of imageboards too.

As for other stuff, there are terms like ‘remove unnecessary hair’, ‘ways to get up quietly’, ‘high school student average’ in the search history. There’s even a search record of a ‘s.e.xy Dream eyewitness report’. There’s no way such a thing can occur, right! Yes, right?

Also, the search history includes of ‘Yukimaru’s new issue’, ‘Boy Incompetent Uke’, ‘Tomorrow I die, wise sayings to use’, but I’m most interested in,

“Boyfriend birthday present’.

“…………………………”

…Boyfriend…………..

That…erm?

Hm…

Maybe, perhaps–

–Pak.

I inadvertently slap my face that’s giving a foolish smile to sober myself, and shake my head head,

Don’t be hasty. Calm down.

These alone aren’t enough for me to tell whether that boyfriend is me. Also, the following search record is a huge problem too– ‘Ero games, little sister fetish recommendation’. Depending on the situation, this will cause a family dispute.

I then continue to search through the search history, and find an unexpected site,

“…Wisdom bag? This girl actually uses such a site?”

I found the ‘YaOoo! Wisdom Bag (智恵袋)!”everyone has been helped by.

However, it’s not just for browsing, just questioning. I wonder what sort of face she made when she used this.

“Oh yeah. I can see what she searched for here, right?”

The first question that entered my sight,

“That Sakamoto’s thing looks very cute when it’s hard. Is this an anomaly?”

“DON’T KID AR

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