Part 19 (1/2)

I ignore their curious stares, my eyes locked firmly on Gavin.

”I did what I thought needed to be done at the time.” His voice is flat when he finally speaks, but there is regret in his eyes.

”You did what needed to be done?” I question in disbelief. ”Did you see him? Did you see what you did to him?” I gesture back to where Bryan was just standing.

”I didn't do that to him. You did.” Again his tone is flat, his expression completely hard. ”You had a choice that you chose not to make weeks ago.”

”You had no right,” I start, my tears now turning from guilt to anger.

”I had every right,” he snaps, for the first time showing any real emotion at all. ”You think he's the only one you've been stringing along? You think he's the only one in this situation that's hurt? After last night, I couldn't do it. I couldn't f.u.c.king let this s.h.i.+t go on for even one more day. I got his number from your phone while you were sleeping and I texted him this morning. I didn't tell him any details, only that if he wanted to see for himself where to be and when.”

”So you coming here... You orchestrated this entire f.u.c.king thing?” I can't believe the words even as I say them.

”You kept making excuses, pus.h.i.+ng it off. What was I supposed to do?”

”I don't know; maybe let me handle it in my own way.” I shake my head.

”I'm sorry.” He reaches for me, but I shove his hand away.

”Don't do you dare f.u.c.king touch me,” I grind out. ”I told you I was doing it today. You had no right to take this into your own hands. This wasn't your call.”

”Like h.e.l.l it wasn't,” he roars, his temper flaring for the first time. ”Are you really that f.u.c.king blind that you can't see what you being with him is doing to me?”

”You did this to yourself. I was his before I was yours,” I counter.

”You're mine. You've always been mine. You will always be mine. End of,” he says, snagging my wrist in his hand. ”You can be p.i.s.sed and scream at me all you want, but at the end of the day I did you a favor whether you admit it now or not.” He pulls me flush against his body. ”You chose me. He needed to know that.” He grips both of my shoulders in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze.

”I f.u.c.king love you. I've never said that to anyone before. I'm so in love with you. I'm done with the barriers and obstacles. I just want you.” His face is so close to mine I can feel the warmth of his breath as he speaks.

”Loving someone isn't forcing your way into their life and making their decisions for them. I'm sorry, Gavin, but I don't believe you love me because I don't think you know what love actually is.” I push away from his hold, stumbling backward a couple of feet.

”Because you're such a f.u.c.king expert?” e bites. ”Isn't loving someone trusting in them? You didn't trust me enough to tell me about your parents. You didn't trust me enough to tell Bryan the truth. And you don't trust me enough now. You don't trust that I love you because it's easier for you to push people away then to f.u.c.king let them see the real you.”

”You're right, Gavin, I don't trust you. And clearly for good reason. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.” Tears flood my vision as I push past him and take off toward my dorm.

My heart rips further and further apart with each step I take. By the time I reach my room, I feel like it's shredded into a million different pieces and the pain is beyond anything I have ever felt before.

I collapse onto my knees and succ.u.mb to the grief.

I let it take me under and swallow me whole.

Chapter Twenty-two.

Harlee ”Why don't you come out with me and Decklan?” Kimber says, sitting on the side of my bed. ”It will do you good to get out of this room.”

”I don't want to go anywhere,” I insist, refusing to look up from my laptop to meet her gaze.

”Harlee, it's been over a week. You can't just hide out in here for the rest of your life. What happened, happened. You have to pick yourself up and keep going,” she says, resting her hand gently on my knee.

”I can't,” I admit, sadness once again was.h.i.+ng over me like a sudden wave smacking me in the face.

The first two days were filled with anger.

The next two with guilt.

Then came the regret. That was the worst.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Going to Gavin now seems like a lost cause. I don't feel like there's any coming back from the things I said or the way I treated him. I still don't agree with the way he handled things. But eventually, I came to understand. It was Angel and almost an entire bottle of tequila that made me see the light. And once it happened, it was like seeing myself through Gavin's eyes for the very first time.

To be honest, I didn't like what I saw.

”I don't want to leave you like this.” Her voice is riddled with concern.

”I'll be fine. I promise. I just need some more time. I'm not ready to face a world without him yet,” I admit, the statement causing the emotion to clog in my throat.

”He's still here ya know? You could call him.”

”No, I can't. You didn't see his face. You didn't hear the awful things I said to him. There's no coming back.”

”You don't know that unless you try,” she insists.

”I'm not you, Kimber,” I say, pus.h.i.+ng the computer from my lap before pulling my knees to my chest. ”I can't have endless amounts of faith and believe that everything will be okay because that's not always the case. I'm so happy things worked out for you and Decklan, but that doesn't mean that everyone gets a happy ending. Life doesn't work that way.”

”I know that.” She doesn't seem even the least bit offended by my rant. ”I know things don't always turn out the way we want. But I also know that if you're not willing to fight for what you want, you'll live your life ruled by regret. Do you really want that?”

”What I want is Gavin.”

”Then go to him. I don't think you grasp just how much that man cares about you. Decklan said he's never seen Gavin so torn up before. He drinks all day. He barely leaves his condo and that's only to go to the bar to get drunk. Paxton has been so worried about him he refuses to leave his side. His heart is broken, Harlee. Just like yours. You're both just too d.a.m.n stubborn to get over yourselves and make the first move.” Her tone turns almost aggravated.

”So you both made mistakes,” she continues. ”Big deal. What couple doesn't go through ups and downs. You need to get over yourself and at least call him, if not for you than for him.”

”Why? He's made no attempt to contact me,” I snip. ”Why should I reach out to him?”

”Because someone has to make the first move,” she replies simply.

”Well, it's not going to be me. I'm the one that came back running the last time, and I won't be the one to do it again. If he loves me as much as you say, then he will do something about it.” I feel like a spoiled child, but I just can't help myself.

”Do you even hear yourself?” Kimber immediately calls me out on my behavior. ”You two were made for each other.”

She pushes into a stand, crossing toward the closet. Within moments she reappears with a pair of dark, low rise jeans and a three-quarter sleeve black top, tossing them into my lap.

”Get dressed,” she orders. ”Now,” she tacks on, narrowing her eyes on my face, daring me to challenge her.