Part 25 (1/2)
”Did they punish you?”
She shook her head, smiling. ”Papa laughed and Wesley, though he tried to appear disapproving, was glad to have me back. Papa thought it clever of me and wanted to see if the other men could tell. So he allowed me to stay.”
”And no one ever knew?”
Her smile turned down slightly. ”Ridley discovered me and tried to ruin it. But I became different, you see...” She chewed her lips thoughtfully. ”These men, who had teased me and made jests, treated me different. They... saw me. They offered me advice, taught me to shoot a crossbow, to wield a sword, fight with a dirk.”
Alex contemplated her in the muted light. ”Do you wish, then, to be a man?”
She darted him a dark look. ”I ken your meaning, I've heard it enough before. The answer is no. I wish to be a woman, but one who is seen.”
”But nothing of womanhood interests you.”
”That's not what I said.” She sighed. ”I don't know why I expect you to understand.”
He wanted to protest. He did understand, but he would not give her that. Not now, not yet. Perhaps not ever.
He thought she was finished with him but she said, ”It was a trial. Don't you see?”
”A trial?”
”Papa wanted to prove that I couldn't do it. That I couldn't pa.s.s as a boy and that I lacked skill and strength. And courage.” From the jut of her jaw she was challenging him also to proclaim her inadequacy.
”You showed them, eh?”
”I did.” She grinned to herself. ”None of the men knew any different... except Jack...” She flashed Alex an obscure look, her mouth flattening.
Alex held her gaze, unwavering. Would she ask him what happened to her lover? Would he tell her? It was best if she continued to believe he was responsible.
But instead she looked down at her hands and said, ”Jack kept his mouth shut. They all saw how well I did. Papa couldn't send me away after that.”
”You must be miserable when you're not proving a point, aye?”
She scowled at him, but he saw the pull at the corner of her mouth as she fought a smile. Her oatcake was cool and he brought it to her.
”Can you feed yourself, or shall I?”
She took it from him, avoiding meeting his gaze, and her fingers brushed his. She jerked away, crumbling the oatcake down the front of her.
”Here. Have mine.”
She tried to take it from him, but he held it out of reach.
”Nay, you obviously don't know your strength, Hugh, let me.”
She colored furiously. ”I knew I shouldn't have told you anything! Now you'll never stop teasing me!”
He merely smiled and held it to her mouth. She averted her head, mouth thinned mutinously.
”Prefer you to starve? Really, even men must eat.”