Part 22 (1/2)

So there I sat, wondering how long I had been staring at the same page of my book.

CHAPTER 21.

OLD LIVES, OLD FRIENDS.

001001011001110.

We stared at each other in silence-- and time pa.s.sed. After all, what could we say? Our relations.h.i.+p had changed irreversibly from the moment I'd uttered the words. Words which now hung in the air like a cloud of strangling gas, threatening to steal away our very breath. I wished now I could take them back.

It was Sajin who spoke first. ”So, you you are Sam' Dejal.” His tone was guarded. are Sam' Dejal.” His tone was guarded.

”I-- don't know. I have his memories-- but does that make me him?”

”Perhaps it is some kind of transference. Does the holy book mention anything about this kind of phenomenon?”

”No.” I looked down at the tiled floor. ”Have you you ever heard of such a thing?” ever heard of such a thing?”

He glared at me. ”You're ”You're the sky searcher, Charm! What do you make of it?” the sky searcher, Charm! What do you make of it?”

Again we stared, and after a long moment of introspection, I stated, ”I am Sam' Dejal.” Sam' Dejal.”

Sajin stood abruptly. ”This is nonsense!”

”Well, what do you want me to tell you!” I realized I had never spoken to him in this manner before.

He gave me an examining, and somewhat threatening look.

I yielded to it, and began again, this time lowering my head in respect. ”They are not just memories, they are conscious choices which I myself I myself made. There was no other consciousness but my own. Therefore, I must conclude, I made. There was no other consciousness but my own. Therefore, I must conclude, I am am Sam' Dejal.” Sam' Dejal.”

”But you were here. here. How could you be How could you be there there and and here here at the same time? It doesn't make at the same time? It doesn't make sense.” sense.”

”My body was here, but my soul was not.”

”That's not possible.”

”I remember it all, Sajin.” I arose and took a position before him. ”I remember you, greeting me in the study, and Dirm attempting to pierce me through with a crossbow bolt. I remember being in the presence of the G.o.ds. I remember things I dare not speak of, and I remember the power power that once coursed through these veins-- so that once coursed through these veins-- so don't don't look at me as if I'm crazy.” look at me as if I'm crazy.”

I forced myself to take a step back. ”I can share with you, the expression on your face when I barged into the council chambers, announcing the end of the world. And And tell you what it was like to lead an army of angels against the forces of Kric' tu. I am tell you what it was like to lead an army of angels against the forces of Kric' tu. I am not not crazy. I crazy. I was was Sam' Dejal!” Sam' Dejal!”

I had known Sajin my whole life. He was my mentor and my friend. For as long as I could remember, he had always had a talent for speaking, it was one of his greatest strengths, and I had never seen him at a loss for words. Yet there he stood, unable to speak, for the third time.

I turned from him and crouched before the fire. The flames danced and bounced as I searched intently for what I knew was there, or more accurately, what I knew was not. ”Sajin,” I said quietly. ”Would you come here please.”

He walked over and crouched beside me.

”What is missing here?” I asked.

He examined the fire, then looked at me expressionless. ”Whatever it is you wish me to see, I'm missing it.”

”Does the smoke rising up into the chimney seem strange to you?”

”Not especially.”

”Don't you think it's strange there are no ashes rising up in the smoke stream?”

His eyes narrowed as he looked at me. ”No. What's your point?”

”My point is, last week, it didn't seem strange to me either, but now it does.” I put my hand on his shoulder. ”I am am different, Sajin. I am aware of things I have never been aware of before, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. Whether I am Sam' Dejal or not is irrelevant-- I am no longer Charm.” different, Sajin. I am aware of things I have never been aware of before, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. Whether I am Sam' Dejal or not is irrelevant-- I am no longer Charm.”

Sajin stood and looked down into the fire. As deep orange light flickered across his stern features, there came a quiet knock at the door.

The doors to the study pushed inward, filling the room with daylight. A soldier stood silhouetted in the entrance. ”Master Sajin, Lady Kitaya is here. She wishes an audience with you.”

My mind wrapped around the name, and something deep within me was awakened. Perhaps it was relief at knowing she was okay. Perhaps it was something more. I wanted to go to her, but I held back. Would she know me?

”Tell her I will be there momentarily,” Sajin said absently. He turned and straightened. ”This conversation is going to have to wait.”

”I understand.”

For now, I will have your status upgraded. A servant will be appointed to you, and your quarters will be transferred to the west wing of the palace. I hope that will be adequate.”

”That won't be necessary.”

”I sense in you a new spirit, Charm. You will not be satisfied to contain yourself in the role you once played, so we will have to define a new one for you.”

”As you wish, my lord,” I said, with a subtle bow.

”But for now, I have business to attend to.”

”May I accompany you?” I said too quickly.

Sajin gave me an examining stare. It was a stare I knew well, one which he employed frequently with great precision. But this time, there was a hint of defeat in his eyes. ”You have have changed,” he said quietly. He turned toward the door. ”You may come, but show me the courtesy of remaining silent.” changed,” he said quietly. He turned toward the door. ”You may come, but show me the courtesy of remaining silent.”

We entered the capital's immense indoor garden to see Kitaya standing with her back to us. Her delicate form was shrouded in a mysterious silk dress, which flowed about her in gentle currents. Subtle shades of tan and brown melted into soft shadows of gossamer transparencies. Her braided ponytail swung gracefully behind her. She was studying a brilliant orange tulip in the center of the elaborate garden. The blossom seemed to s.h.i.+mmer as the sun hit it-- but perhaps it was her presence that brought the little flower to life.

”It is good to see you are well, Lady Kitaya,” said Sajin, announcing our presence.

Kitaya turned slowly, revealing her brilliant blue eyes. ”It is good to see you you are well, Sajin.” are well, Sajin.”

I kept to the rear as she glided toward us.

”To what do we owe the honor of your visit?” Sajin took her hand into his, and feigned a kiss.

”Oh Sajin, you are so very regal, a true diplomat.”

Sajin smiled.