Part 13 (1/2)
”Charlotte's got us working insanely hard at Latin but I can't make out any of these inscriptions,” she said.
He had done Latin A-level and couldn't manage much more than her. ”It was a while ago,” he said in his defence.
”Last year I couldn't imagine in a million years wanting to do Latin in the Sixth Form, but recently I've been wondering.” She had to pick three subjects to focus on next year. Two would definitely be English and History and she had thought of French for the third, but now the idea of doing Latin had come to her.
Thinking about it reminded her of what a long road she had ahead of her still to get to university. Once she was there she would be more his equal, they wouldn't have to hide. But it was a very long way off.
”I would encourage you to do German but I don't suspect I'll be there next year,” he said.
She was horrified. ”Why not?”
”Because of you. Because of us. It's playing with fire, someone will find out eventually. And I'm not convinced I can trust myself to stop taking risks. I don't want to leave you but for your sake I think it will be safer if I'm not right there.”
”You don't want us to see each other anymore? Ever?”
”G.o.d no!” he took her hands as they sat on a bench in the Museum. ”No as in I definitely do want to see you, all the time in fact. But for the next couple of years it's going to be hard. At least until we can tell your parents about us.”
Her initial shock was replaced by a momentary thrill that he wanted to meet her parents. And then the stomach churning reality of how they would react. More in sorrow than anger, she thought. But they would still be furious with him and desperately worried about her.
She wondered if there ever would be a time when she could tell her parents exactly when they had met and when it started. Certainly not for many years. She started imagining the official story she would have to create for them, how she had ”b.u.mped into” an old school teacher at university and they had struck up a friends.h.i.+p. He would be well into his thirties then, they might still freak out.
”I was trying to think how I might break it to them. But it can't be now, they wouldn't understand.”
”Nor would I in their shoes. If I was your father I would be getting a shotgun.”
Knowing it would be their last night together for a while made them both want to draw it out as long as possible.
He had never made love to her with such tenderness. He moved in and out of her more slowly than usual, staring into her eyes in the semi-darkness.
Streetlights seeped past the edges of the curtain, illuminating the walls. It was impossible to find true darkness in the city.
Afterwards they lay together not wanting to sleep. He ran his finger over her lips, down her throat, over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. ”I am learning, studying the shape of your lovely b.r.e.a.s.t.s,” he said.
”Don't you know them by now?”
”It's Goethe,” he told her. ”Probably not a text we'll be doing in cla.s.s.”
They had talked in tentative terms about the future, or at least as far as the Christmas holidays. There was one more exeat that term which she could probably spend with him. He also thought they should stop seeing one another during the school week to lower the risk.
”I need to have more self-control when we go back. Otherwise we will get caught.”
Probably by Mr Lanaway, Laura thought. It was only a matter of time before he appeared in the art room and the whole game would be up.
Except it wasn't a game. It was the most serious thing she had ever done. It was a choice.
The thought of seeing him nearly every day at school and not being able to talk with him and touch him was agony.
”We'll have to find other distractions. Seeing you in my cla.s.sroom is not going to be easy.”
”I'll miss you if we can't even speak.”
”I'll miss you even more but it will be worth the wait. It's only a few weeks to exeat, then the holidays. Imagine just how much I am going to want you after having to wait,” he said.
Given how much they craved one another already she could barely imagine it getting any more intense.
PART III.
Flying.
quare, dum licet, inter nos laetemur amantes: non satis est ullo tempore longus amor.
Let's enjoy being lovers while we can:.
Love is never long enough.
s.e.xtus Propertius.
21. Secret words.
Charlotte was bursting to tell them her news: she had managed to sneak out during half term and spend time with Julian. Even more, she had lost her virginity to him. In his car, on the hillside at night, but she was still thrilled about it.
”Three out of four of us now. We'll have to put a harlot warning sign on the dorm door,” Susie said.
Julian had even asked Charlotte to stay after Christmas. ”Apparently his parents are cool with girlfriends visiting, though we'll have to have separate rooms,” she said.
Laura felt envious. It wouldn't be that easy for Mr Rydell and her to stay with one another openly for ages, years even. ”How will you get your father to let you go?” she asked.
”I was going to use one of you guys as an excuse. Julian's older brother can pretend to be your dad if my dad rings. His voice is really deep.”
”Fine with me,” Susie said. ”I'll even forge you a letter from my parents if you like, confirming your stay. Don't forget to give me your postal address.”
Susie was an adept forger of handwriting though it was of limited use in a boarding school. In a day school you could bring in fake parental notes nearly every day to get out of PE and other disliked activities. At Francis Hall such notes came from Matron or Grace Grant, who would rapidly find out in the staffroom if their authority was being forged.
Margery felt even more lost with Charlotte now joining the ranks of the fallen. She had had a very quiet half term and mainly spent the time doing homework.
”It's my birthday next weekend,” Susie announced. ”Let's have a midnight feast.”
”Just us or the rest of the House?”
”G.o.d it would be boring with just the four of us, I was thinking of something a bit less Enid Blyton and ginger beer after lights out. No, we'll get some of the Dunks boys together and kick our heels up. Booze of course, I plan to celebrate in style.”