Part 22 (1/2)
She objects to my plan of putting you out in the world; she says it would be better if you were to work; but this is the best of all. Let her provide for you, and then it will not need that you should either marry or work. This is, beyond all description, the best way. And you are her friend. Tell me, was it before or after the boy informed you of this that you advised yourself to become her friend?”
”Contessa!” cried Bice, with a shock of angry feeling which brought the blood to her face. She was not sensitive in many matters which would have stung an English girl; but this suggestion, which was so undeserved, moved her to pa.s.sion. She turned away with an almost tragic scorn, and seizing the _tap.i.s.serie_, which was part of the Contessa's _mise en scene_, flung a long strip of the many-coloured embroidery over her arm, and began to work with a sort of savage energy. The Contessa watched her movements with a sudden pause in her own excitement. She stopped short in the eagerness of her own thoughts, and looked with keen curiosity at the young creature upon whom she had built so many expectations. She was not an ungenerous or mercenary woman, though she had many faults, and as she gazed a certain compunction awoke within her, mingled with amus.e.m.e.nt. She was sorry for the unworthy suggestion she had made, but the sight of the girl in her indignation was like a scene in a play to this woman of the world. Her youthful dignity and wrath, her silent scorn, the manner in which she flung her needle through the canvas, working out her rage, were full of entertainment to the Contessa. She was not irritated by the girl's resentment; it even took off her thoughts from the primary matter to watch this exhibition of feeling. She gave vent to a little laugh as she noted how the needle flew.
”Cara! I was nasty when I said that. I did not mean it. I suffered myself to talk as one talks in the world. You are not of the world--it is not applicable to you.”
”Yes, Madama, I am of the world,” cried Bice. ”What have I known else?
But I did not mean to become Milady's friend, as you say. It was by accident. I was in the gallery only to amuse myself, and she came--it was not intention. I think that Milady is----”
Here Bice stopped, looked up from the sudden fervour of her working, threw back her head, and said nothing more.
”That Milady is--what?” the Contessa cried.
A laugh so joyous, so childish, that no one could have refused to be sympathetic, burst from Bice's lips. She gave her patroness a look of merriment and derision, in which there was something tender and sweet.
”Milady is--sorry for me,” she said.
This speech had a strange effect upon the Contessa. She coloured, and the tears seemed to flood in a moment to her eyes. ”Poor child!” she said--”poor child! She has reason. But that amuses you, Bice mia,” she said, in a voice full of the softest caressing, looking at her through those sudden tears. The Contessa was an adventuress, and she had brought up this girl after her own traditions; but it was clear as they looked at each other that they loved each other. There was perfect confidence between them. Bice looked with fearless laughing eyes, and a sense of the absurdity of the fact that some one was sorry for her, into the face of her friend.
”She thinks I would be happier if I worked. To give lessons to little children and be their slave would be better, she thinks. To know nothing and see nothing, but live far away from the world and be independent, and take no trouble about my looks, or, if I please--that is Milady's way of thinking,” Bice said.
The Contessa's face softened more and more as she looked at the girl.
There even dropped a tear from her full eyes. She shook her head. ”I am not sure,” she said, ”dear child, that I am not of Milady's opinion.
There are ways in which it is better. Sometimes I think I was most happy when I was like that--without money, without experience, with no wishes.”
”No wishes, Madama! Did you not wish to go out into the beautiful bright world, to see people, to hear music, to talk, to please? It is impossible. Money, that is different, and experience that is different: but to wish, every one must do that.”
”Bice, you have a great deal of experience for so young a girl. You have seen so much. I ought to have brought you up otherwise, perhaps, but how could I? You have always shared with me, and what I had I gave you. And you know besides how little satisfaction there is in it--how sick one becomes of a crowd of faces that are nothing to you, and of music that goes on just the same whatever you are feeling--and this to please, as you call it! Whom do I please? Persons who do not care at all for me except that I amuse them sometimes--who like me to sing; who like to look at me; who find themselves less dull when I am there. That is all.
And that will be all for you, unless you marry well, my Bice, which it is the object of my life to make you do.”
”I hope I shall marry well,” said the girl, composedly. ”It would be very pleasant to find one's self above all s.h.i.+fts, Madama. Still that is not everything; and I would much rather have led the life I have led, and enjoyed myself and seen so much, than to have been the little governess of the English family--the little girl who is always so quiet, who walks out with the children, and will not accept the eldest son even when he makes love to her. I should have laughed at the eldest son. I know what they are like--they are so stupid; they have not a word to say; that would have amused me; but in the Tauchnitz books it is all honour and wretchedness. I am glad I know the world, and have seen all kinds of people, and wish for everything that is pleasant, instead of being so good and having no wishes as you say.”
The Contessa laughed, having got rid of all her incipient tears. ”There is more life in it,” she said. ”You see now what it is--this life in England; one day is like another, one does the same things. The newspaper comes in the morning, then luncheon, then to go out, then tea, dinner; there is no change. When we talk in the evening, and I remind Sir Tom of the past when I lived in Florence, and he was with me every day,”--the Contessa once more uttered that easy exclamation which would sound so profane in English. ”_Quelle vie!_” she cried, ”how much we got out of every day. There were no silences! They came in one after another with some new thing, something to see and to do. We separated to dress, to make ourselves beautiful for the evening, and then till the morning light came in through the curtains, never a pause or a weariness. Yes!
sometimes one had a terrible pang. There would be a toilette, which was ravis.h.i.+ng, which was far superior to mine--for I never had money to dress as I wished--or some one else would have a success, and attract all eyes. But what did that matter?” the Contessa cried, lighting up more and more. ”One did not really grudge what lasted only for a time; for one knew next day one would have one's turn. Ah!” she said, with a sigh, ”I knew what it was to be a queen, Bice, in those days.”
”And so you do still, Madama,” said the girl, soothingly.
Madama di Forno-Populo shook her head. ”It is no longer the same,” she said. ”You have known only the worst side, my _poverina_. It is no longer one's own palace, one's own people, and the best of the strangers, the finest company. You saw the d.u.c.h.ess at Milady's party the other day. To see me made her lose her breath. She could not refuse to speak to me--to salute me--but it was with a consternation! But, Bice, that lady was only too happy to be invited to the Palazzo Populino. To make one of our expeditions was her pride. I believe in my soul,” cried the Contessa, ”that when she looks back she remembers those days as the most bright of her life.”
Bice's clear s.h.i.+ning eyes rested upon her patroness with a light in them which was keen with indignation and wonder. She cried, ”And why the change--and why the change, Madama?” with a high indignant tone, such as youth a.s.sumes in presence of ingrat.i.tude and meanness. Bice knew much that a young girl does not usually know; but the reason why her best friend should be thus slighted was not one of these things.
The Contessa shrank a little from her gaze. She rose up again and went to the window and looked out upon the wintry landscape, and standing there with her face averted, shrugged her shoulders a little and made answer in a tone of levity very different from the sincerer sound of her previous communications. ”It is poverty, my child, poverty, always the easiest explanation! I was never rich, but then there had been no crash, no downfall. I was in my own palace. I had the means of entertaining. I was somebody. Ah! very different; it was not then at the baths, in the watering-places, that the Contessa di Forno-Populo was known. It is this, my Bice, that makes me say that sometimes I am of Milady's opinion; that to have no wishes, to know nothing, to desire nothing--that is best. When I knew the d.u.c.h.ess first I could be of service to her. Now that I meet her again it is she only that can be of service to me.”
”But----” Bice began and stopped short. She was, as has been said, a girl of many experiences. When a very young creature is thus prematurely introduced to a knowledge of human nature she approaches the subject with an impartiality scarcely possible at an older age. She had seen much. She had been acquainted with those vicissitudes that occur in the lives of the seekers of pleasure almost since ever she was born. She had been acquainted with persons of the most gay and cheerful appearance, who had enjoyed themselves highly, and called all their acquaintances round them to feast, and who had then suddenly collapsed and after an interval of tears and wailings had disappeared from the scene of their downfall. But Bice had not learnt the commonplace lesson so deeply impressed upon the world from the Athenian Timon downwards, that a downfall of this kind instantly cuts all ties. She was aware, on the contrary, that a great deal of kindness, sympathy, and attempts to aid were always called forth on such occasions; that the women used to form a sort of rampart around the ruined with tears and outcries, and that the men had anxious meetings and consultations and were constantly going to see some one or other upon the affairs of the downfallen. Bice had not seen in her experience that poverty was an argument for desertion.
She was so worldly wise that she did not press her question as a simple girl might have done. She stopped short with an air of bewilderment and pain, which the Contessa, as her head was turned, did not see. She gave up the inquiry; but there arose in her mind a suspicion, a question, such as had not ever had admission there before.
”Ah!” cried the Contessa, suddenly turning round, clasping her hands, ”it was different indeed when my house was open to all these English, and they came as they pleased. But now I do not know, if I am turned out of this house, this dull house in which I have taken refuge, where I shall go. I don't know where to go!”
”Madama!” Bice sprang to her feet too, and clasped her hands.
”It is true--it is quite true. We have spent everything. I have not the means to go even to a third-rate place. As for Cannes it is impossible.