Part 8 (2/2)

She met his eyes with great bravery and self-command, but nothing could save her from the nervous quiver which he felt as he held her, or from the tell-tale ebb and flow of the blood from her face. ”I--I am not afraid of you, Tom.”

”Then have you ceased to trust me, Lucy? How is it that you discuss the most important matters with Jock, who is only a boy, and leave me out?

You do not think that can be agreeable to me.”

”Tom,” she said; then stopped short, her voice being interrupted by the fluttering of her heart.

”I told you: you are afraid. What have I ever done to make my wife afraid of me?” he said.

”Oh, Tom, it is not that! it is only that I felt--there has never been anything said, and you have always done all, and more than all, that I wished; but I have felt that you were opposed to me in one thing. I may be wrong, perhaps,” she added, looking up at him suddenly with a catching of her breath.

Sir Tom did not say she was wrong. He was very kind, but very grave. ”In that case,” he said, ”Lucy, my love, don't you think it would have been better to speak to me about it, and ascertain what were my objections, and why I was opposed to you--rather than turn without a word to another instead of me?”

”Oh!” cried Lucy, ”I could not. I was a coward. I could not bear to make sure. To stand against you, how could I do it? But if you will hear me out, Tom, I never, never turned to another. Oh! what strange words to say. It was not another. It was Jock, only Jock; but I did not turn even to him. It was he who brought it forward, and I---- Now that we have begun to talk about it, and it cannot be escaped,” cried Lucy, with sudden nervous boldness, freeing herself from his hold, ”I will own everything to you, Tom. Yes, I was afraid. I would not, I could not do it, for I could feel that you were against it. You never said anything; is it necessary that you should speak for me to understand you? but I knew it all through. And to go against you and do something you did not like was more than I could face. I should have gone on for years, perhaps, and never had courage for it,” she cried. She was tingling all over with excitement and desperate daring now.

”My darling,” said Sir Tom, ”it makes me happier to think that it was not me you were afraid of, but only of putting yourself in opposition to me; but still, Lucy, even that is not right, you know. Don't you think that it would be better that we should talk it over, and that I should show you my objections to this strange scheme you have in your head, and convince you----”

”Oh!” cried Lucy, stepping back a little and putting up her hands as if in self-defence, ”that was what I was most frightened for.”

”What, to be convinced?” he laughed: but his laugh jarred upon her in her excited state. ”Well, that is not at all uncommon; but few people avow it so frankly,” he said.

She looked up at him with appealing eyes. ”Oh, Tom,” she cried, ”I fear you will not understand me now. I am not afraid to be convinced. I am afraid of what you will think when you know that I cannot be convinced.

Now,” she said, with a certain calm of despair, ”I have said it all.”

To her astonishment her husband replied by a sudden hug and a laugh.

”Whether you are accessible to reason or not, you are always my dear little woman,” he said. ”I like best to have it out. Do you know, Lucy, that it is supposed your s.e.x are all of that mind? You believe what you like, and the reason for your faith does not trouble you. You must not suppose that you are singular in that respect.”

To this she listened without any response at all either in words or look, except, perhaps, a little lifting of her eyelids in faint surprise; for Lucy was not concerned about what was common to her s.e.x.

Nor did she take such questions at all into consideration. Therefore, this speech sounded to her irrelevant; and so quick was Sir Tom's intelligence that, though he made it as a sort of conventional necessity, he saw that it was irrelevant too. It might have been all very well to address a clever woman who could have given him back his reply in such words. But to Lucy's straightforward, simple, limited intellect such dialectics were altogether out of place. Her very want of capacity to understand them made them a disrespect to her which she had done nothing to deserve. He coloured in his quick sense of this, and sudden perception that his wife in the limitation of her intellect and fine perfection of her moral nature was such an antagonist as a man might well be alarmed to meet, more alarmed even than she generously was to displease him.

”I beg your pardon, Lucy,” he said, ”I was talking to you as if you were one of the ordinary people. All this must be treated between you and me on a different footing. I have a great deal more experience than you have, and I ought to know better. You must let me show you how it appears to me. You see I don't pretend not to know what the point was. I have felt for a long time that it was one that must be cleared up between you and me. I never thought of Jock coming in,” he said with a laugh. ”That is quite a new and unlooked-for feature; but begging his pardon, though he is a clever fellow, we will leave Jock out of the question. He can't be supposed to have much knowledge of the world.”

”No,” said Lucy, with a little suspicion. She did not quite see what this had to do with it, nor what course her husband was going to adopt, nor indeed at all what was to follow.

”Your father's will was a very absurd one,” he said.

At this Lucy was slightly startled, but she said after a moment, ”He did not think what hard things he was leaving me to do.”

”He did not think at all, it seems to me,” said Sir Tom; ”so far as I can see he merely amused himself by arranging the world after his fas.h.i.+on, and trying how much confusion he could make. I don't mean to say anything unkind of him. I should like to have known him: he must have been a character. But he has left us a great deal of botheration.

This particular thing, you know, that you are driving yourself crazy about is sheer absurdity, Lucy. Solomon himself could not do it,--and who are you, a little girl without any knowledge of the world, to see into people's hearts, and decide whom it is safe to trust?”

”You are putting more upon me than poor papa did, Tom,” said Lucy, a little more cheerfully. ”He never said, as we do in charities, that it was to go to deserving people. I was never intended to see into their hearts. So long as they required it and got the money, that was all he wanted.”

”Well, then, my dear,” said Sir Tom, ”if your father in his great sense and judgment wanted nothing but to get rid of the money, I wonder he did not tell you to stand upon Beachy Head or Dover Cliff on a certain day in every year and throw so much of it into the sea--to be sure,” he added with a laugh, ”that would come to very much the same thing--for you can't annihilate money, you can only make it change hands--and the London roughs would soon have found out your days for this wise purpose and interrupted it somehow. But it would have been just as sensible.

Poor little woman! Here I am beginning to argue, and abusing your poor father, whom, of course, you were fond of, and never so much as offering you a chair! There is something on every one of them, I believe. Here, my love, here is a seat for you,” he said, displacing a box of curiosities and clearing a corner for her by the fire. But Lucy resisted quietly.

”Wouldn't it do another time, Tom?” she said with a little anxiety, ”for Aunt Randolph is all by herself, and she will wonder what has become of me; and baby will be coming back from his walk.” Then she made a little pause, and resumed again, folding her hands, and raising her mild eyes to his face. ”I am very sorry to go against you, Tom. I think I would rather lose all the money altogether. But there is just one thing, and oh, do not be angry! I must carry out papa's will if I were to die!”

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