Part 17 (2/2)
Gertrude said nothing; she was afraid to speak. There was a kind of rage in her heart; she felt as if she could easily persuade herself that she was persecuted. She said to herself that it was quite right that she should not allow him to make her believe she was wrong. She thought of what Felix had said to her; she wished indeed Mr. Brand would marry Charlotte. She looked away from him and spoke no more. Mr. Brand ended by eating his cake, while Felix sat opposite, describing to Mr. Wentworth the students' duels at Heidelberg. After tea they all dispersed themselves, as usual, upon the piazza and in the garden; and Mr. Brand drew near to Gertrude again.
”I did n't come to you this afternoon because you were not alone,” he began; ”because you were with a newer friend.”
”Felix? He is an old friend by this time.”
Mr. Brand looked at the ground for some moments. ”I thought I was prepared to hear you speak in that way,” he resumed. ”But I find it very painful.”
”I don't see what else I can say,” said Gertrude.
Mr. Brand walked beside her for a while in silence; Gertrude wished he would go away. ”He is certainly very accomplished. But I think I ought to advise you.”
”To advise me?”
”I think I know your nature.”
”I think you don't,” said Gertrude, with a soft laugh.
”You make yourself out worse than you are--to please him,” Mr. Brand said, gently.
”Worse--to please him? What do you mean?” asked Gertrude, stopping.
Mr. Brand stopped also, and with the same soft straight-forwardness, ”He does n't care for the things you care for--the great questions of life.”
Gertrude, with her eyes on his, shook her head. ”I don't care for the great questions of life. They are much beyond me.”
”There was a time when you did n't say that,” said Mr. Brand.
”Oh,” rejoined Gertrude, ”I think you made me talk a great deal of nonsense. And it depends,” she added, ”upon what you call the great questions of life. There are some things I care for.”
”Are they the things you talk about with your cousin?”
”You should not say things to me against my cousin, Mr. Brand,” said Gertrude. ”That is dishonorable.”
He listened to this respectfully; then he answered, with a little vibration of the voice, ”I should be very sorry to do anything dishonorable. But I don't see why it is dishonorable to say that your cousin is frivolous.”
”Go and say it to himself!”
”I think he would admit it,” said Mr. Brand. ”That is the tone he would take. He would not be ashamed of it.”
”Then I am not ashamed of it!” Gertrude declared. ”That is probably what I like him for. I am frivolous myself.”
”You are trying, as I said just now, to lower yourself.”
”I am trying for once to be natural!” cried Gertrude pa.s.sionately. ”I have been pretending, all my life; I have been dishonest; it is you that have made me so!” Mr. Brand stood gazing at her, and she went on, ”Why should n't I be frivolous, if I want? One has a right to be frivolous, if it 's one's nature. No, I don't care for the great questions. I care for pleasure--for amus.e.m.e.nt. Perhaps I am fond of wicked things; it is very possible!”
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