Part 20 (1/2)
But all this is a far cry. What about the urgent immediate? At least three thousand is indispensably necessary--five thousand would do roundly and nicely. But how on earth am I to mention money after the high flight we have just taken? And yet time is precious!
I crushed all hesitation under foot as I jumped up and made my plunge: ”Queen! Our purse is empty, our work about to stop!”
Bimala winced. I could see she was thinking of that impossible fifty thousand rupees. What a load she must have been carrying within her bosom, struggling under it, perhaps, through sleepless nights! What else had she with which to express her loving wors.h.i.+p? Debarred from offering her heart at my feet, she hankers to make this sum of money, so hopelessly large for her, the bearer of her imprisoned feelings. The thought of what she must have gone through gives me a twinge of pain; for she is now wholly mine. The wrench of plucking up the plant by the roots is over. It is now only careful tending and nurture that is needed.
”Queen!” said I, ”that fifty thousand rupees is not particularly wanted just now. I calculate that, for the present, five thousand or even three will serve.”
The relief made her heart rebound. ”I shall fetch you five thousand,” she said in tones which seemed like an outburst of song--the song which Radhika of the Vaishnava lyrics sang:
For my lover will I bind in my hair The flower which has no equal in the three worlds!
--it is the same tune, the same song: five thousand will I bring!
That flower will I bind in my hair!
The narrow restraint of the flute brings out this quality of song. I must not allow the pressure of too much greed to flatten out the reed, for then, as I fear, music will give place to the questions ”Why?” ”What is the use of so much?” ”How am I to get it?”--not a word of which will rhyme with what Radhika sang! So, as I was saying, illusion alone is real--it is the flute itself; while truth is but its empty hollow. Nikhil has of late got a taste of that pure emptiness--one can see it in his face, which pains even me. But it was Nikhil's boast that he wanted the Truth, while mine was that I would never let go illusion from my grasp. Each has been suited to his taste, so why complain?
To keep Bimala's heart in the rarefied air of idealism, I cut short all further discussion over the five thousand rupees. I reverted to the demon-destroying G.o.ddess and her wors.h.i.+p. When was the ceremony to be held and where? There is a great annual fair at Ruimari, within Nikhil's estates, where hundreds of thousands of pilgrims a.s.semble. That would be a grand place to inaugurate the wors.h.i.+p of our G.o.ddess!
Bimala waxed intensely enthusiastic. This was not the burning of foreign cloth or the people's granaries, so even Nikhil could have no objection--so thought she. But I smiled inwardly. How little these two persons, who have been together, day and night, for nine whole years, know of each other! They know something perhaps of their home life, but when it comes to outside concerns they are entirely at sea. They had cherished the belief that the harmony of the home with the outside was perfect. Today they realize to their cost that it is too late to repair their neglect of years, and seek to harmonize them now.
What does it matter? Let those who have made the mistake learn their error by knocking against the world. Why need I bother about their plight? For the present I find it wearisome to keep Bimala soaring much longer, like a captive balloon, in regions ethereal. I had better get quite through with the matter in hand.
When Bimala rose to depart and had neared the door I remarked in my most casual manner: ”So, about the money ...”
Bimala halted and faced back as she said: ”On the expiry of the month, when our personal allowances become due ...”
”That, I am afraid, would be much too late.”
”When do you want it then?”
”Tomorrow.
”Tomorrow you shall have it.”
20. A line from Bankim Chatterjee's national song __Bande Mataram__.
21. A quotation from the Upanishads.
22. There is a world of sentiment attached to the ornaments worn by women in Bengal.
They are not merely indicative of the love and regard of the giver, but the wearing of them symbolizes all that is held best in wifehood--the constant solicitude for her husband's welfare, the successful performance of the material and spiritual duties of the household entrusted to her care. When the husband dies, and the responsibility for the household changes hands, then are all ornaments cast aside as a sign of the widow's renunciation of worldly concerns. At any other time the giving up of omaments is always a sign of supreme distress and as such appeals acutely to the sense of chivalry of any Bengali who may happen to witness it [Trans.].
Chapter Eight
Nikhil's Story
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