2 Saving Mama Udoka (1/2)

The two of us waited outside his o ce for over half an hour. She did not say a word to me despite three attempts on my part to start a conversation. Not even when I dropped the ultimate discussion generator: this country sucks. She looked timid in her owery gown. The gown was sewn in an obsolete Nigerian fas.h.i.+on. She appeared to be in her early 20's and very weary of the American society. I could see that from the way she reacted when he walked out of his o ce to peek at those waiting for him. She quickly jumped out of her seat and sent out a loud ”Good Morning, Sir.” Looking at her, it was obvious she was very anxious. More than thrice, she adjusted her gown to make sure she looked good. Once she brought out a pocket mirror from her handbag and checked her face. With a trembling hand, she applied light make-up to spots she felt hadn't received adequate make up. Merely observing her gesture, it was apparent this meeting was very important to her.

I was there to nd out from him how the Nigerian community was doing in his city. I was doing an informal study on love and marriage – the trends and travails. He is a well-respected community leader; the type people at home call ”big man”. He owns an employment agency that employs a lot of immigrant workers. Men and women searching for a start in the New World always accost him. His position gives him a pivotal insight into several issues a ecting the lives of people. He does not just manage a business in the human services, but he also manages people. And that was why I chose him for this study.

She went in rst to see him. Twenty minutes later, she walked out with a wide smile on her face, her anxiety all gone.

She waved goodbye and walked away quickly and happily.

When I went in to meet him, I asked him what he did that put a smile on the woman's face.

”I o ered her a job,” he answered.

”Why would a job be so important to her?” I asked.

”Because she has never worked in this country for all the three years she has been here. Her husband kept her at home and turned her into a baby-making machine. She has given birth to three kids in three years. She doesn't go anywhere with her husband and she doesn't partic.i.p.ate in community activities. She just stays home with the babies. She does not drive, so she cannot go out alone. There is no reliable public transportation system where she lives, so she is more or less dependent on her husband who works at night and comes home tired. For three years, she has depended on her husband for everything. Now, her mother-in-law has come to live with them and she is

stepping out for the very rst time.”

”The coming of her mother-in-law must be a great relief for her and her husband,” I said.

”Not really. It is now the beginning of a new con ict. Her husband is threatening to send her and the children back to Nigeria if she de es him and goes out to get a job.”

She was a college student at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN), when he came from America and asked her to marry him. She was 22 years old, while he was 38, though at that time, he told her he was 33 years. She

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wanted to come to America, even though she did not know why. All her beautiful young friends were marrying young men who lived abroad and she too wanted to marry one. The alternative she knew would have been to marry a trader, the idea of which she hated. She had resisted marrying other men from her ethnic group who were based in other foreign countries, and her parents had begun to panic. She had been told repeatedly how di cult it would be to nd a husband after she graduated from the university. Her mother had warned her about many young girls who were coming of age and would soon steal the spotlight from her. ”You see Aunt Ebele,” her mother was fond of saying, ”she used to be stunningly beautiful. She made inyanga for all the men who came to marry her. Now, see how miserable she is.” All these stories scared her. She capitulated.

To say that her husband is insecure is an understatement. He rmly believed that if he let her step out, there were young men who would take her away from him. So he vowed to keep her away from public view. To keep her busy, he made sure she was pregnant almost all the time. To his friends who showed concern for her, he would remind them that he has been taking care of all her needs without complaints.