Part 20 (1/2)
”But I shouldn't be willing to let you. You forget she ruined one rich man; she might easily ruin another.”
”That would depend very much upon the man.”
”No man can cope with a woman such as I was only a few years ago. You can put fetters on a criminal, and you can quell a beast to submission, but you can't bind the subtle, mischievous woman-spirit, bent on doing harm. It's more ruthless than war; it's more fatal than disease. You, with your large, generous nature, are the very man for it to fasten on, and waste him, like a fever.”
She moved back from him, close to the bookshelves against the wall. The eyes which Derek had always seen sad and l.u.s.treless glowed with a fire like the amber's.
”You must understand that I couldn't allow myself to do the same thing twice,” she hurried on, ”and, if I married you, who knows but what I might? I'm not a bad woman by nature, but I think I must need to be held in repression. You'd be giving me again just those gifts of money, position, and power which made me dangerous.”
”Suppose you were to let me guard against that?” he said.
”You couldn't. It would be like fighting a poisonous vapor with the sword. The woman's spell, whether for good or ill, is more subtle and more potent than anything in the universe but the love of G.o.d.”
”I can believe that, and still be willing to trust myself to yours,” he answered, gravely. ”I know you, and honor you as men rarely do the women they marry, until the proof of the years has tried them. In your case the trial has come first. I've watched you bear it--watched you more closely than you've ever been aware of. I've stood by, and seen you carry your burden, when it was harder than you imagine not to take my part in it. I've looked on, and seen you suffer, when it was all I could do to keep from saying some word of sympathy you might have resented.
But, Diane,” he cried, his voice taking on a strange, peremptory sharpness, ”I can't do it any longer! My power of standing still, while you go on with your single-handed fight, is at an end. If ever G.o.d sent a man to a woman's aid, He has sent me to yours; and you must let me do what I'm appointed for. You must come to me for comfort in your loneliness. You must come to me for care in your necessity. I have both care and comfort for you here; and you must come.”
Without moving toward her he stood with open arms.
”Come!” he cried again, commandingly.
The tears coursed down her cheeks, but she gave no sign of obeying him, except to drag one hand from the protecting bookcase ledge, to which she seemed to cling.
”Come, Diane!” he repeated! ”Come to me!”
The other hand fell to her side, while she gazed at him piteously, as though in reluctant submission to his will.
”Come!” he said once more, in a tone of authority mingled with appeal.
Drawn by a force she had no power to withstand, she took one slow, hesitating step toward him.
”I haven't yielded,” she stammered. ”I haven't consented. I can't consent--yet.”
”No, dearest, no,” he murmured, with arms yearning to her as she approached him; ”nevertheless--come!”
X
Notwithstanding the fact that she had wept in his arms--wept as women weep who are brave in the hour of trial, only to break down in the moment of relief--Diane would give Derek Pruyn no other answer. She could not consent--yet. With this reply he was obliged to sail away, getting what comfort he might from its implications.
During the three months of his absence Diane took knowledge of herself, appraising her strength and probing her weakness. She was too honest not to own that there were desires in her nature which leaped into newness of life at the thought that there might again be means to support them.
Diane de la Ferronaise was not dead, but sleeping. Her love of luxury and pleasure--her joy in jewels, equipage, and dress--her woman's elemental weaknesses, second only to the instinct for maternity--all these, grown lethargic from hunger, were ready to awake again at the mere possibility of food. She was forced to confront the fact that, with the same opportunities, she had it in her to go back to the same life.
It was a humiliating fact, but it stared her in the face, that experience had shown her a creature for a man to be afraid of. Derek Pruyn had seen her subdued by circ.u.mstances, as the panther is subdued by famine; but it was not yet proved that the savage, preying thing was tamed.
There was only one force that would tame her; but there _was_ that force, and Diane knew that she had submitted to its domination. From weeks of tortuous self-examination she emerged into this knowledge, as one comes out of a labyrinthine cavern into suns.h.i.+ne. Even here in the open, however, was a problem still to solve. Could she marry the man who had never told her that he loved her, even though she herself loved him?
Had she the power to give herself without stint, while asking of him only what he chose to offer her? Would she, who had made men serve her, with little more than smiles for their reward, be content to serve in her own turn, getting nothing but a half-loaf for her heart's sustenance? She asked herself these questions, but put off answering them--waiting for him to force decision on her.
So the rest of the winter pa.s.sed, and by the time Derek came back the hyacinths were fading from the gardens and parks, and the tulips were coming into bloom. To both Diane and Dorothea spring was bringing a new motive for looking forward together with a new comprehension of the human heart's capacity for joy.