Part 9 (1/2)

It was while matters were progressing with this beautiful smoothness that I observed the square form of the Hired Retainer approaching us.

Somehow--I cannot say why--I had a feeling that he came with bad news.

Perhaps it was his air of quiet satisfaction which struck me as ominous.

”Beg pardon, Mr. Ukridge, sir.”

Ukridge was in the middle of a very eloquent excursus on the feeding of fowls, a subject on which he held views of his own as ingenious as they were novel. The interruption annoyed him.

”Well, Beale,” he said, ”what is it?”

”That there cat, sir, what came to-day.”

”Oh, Beale,” cried Mrs. Ukridge in agitation, ”_what_ has happened?”

”Having something to say to the missis--”

”What has happened? Oh, Beale, don't say that Edwin has been hurt?

Where is he? Oh, _poor_ Edwin!”

”Having something to say to the missis--”

”If Bob has bitten him I hope he had his nose _well_ scratched,” said Mrs. Ukridge vindictively.

”Having something to say to the missis,” resumed the Hired Retainer tranquilly, ”I went into the kitchen ten minutes back. The cat was sitting on the mat.”

Beale's narrative style closely resembled that of a certain book I had read in my infancy. I wish I could remember its t.i.tle. It was a well-written book.

”Yes, Beale, yes?” said Mrs. Ukridge. ”Oh, do go on.”

”'Hullo, puss,' I says to him, 'and 'ow are _you_, sir?' 'Be careful,'

says the missis. ”E's that timid,' she says, 'you wouldn't believe,'

she says. ”E's only just settled down, as you may say,' she says. 'Ho, don't you fret,' I says to her, ”im and me understands each other. 'Im and me,' I says, 'is old friends. 'E's my dear old pal, Corporal Banks.' She grinned at that, ma'am, Corporal Banks being a man we'd 'ad many a 'earty laugh at in the old days. 'E was, in a manner of speaking, a joke between us.”

”Oh, do--go--on, Beale. What has happened to Edwin?”

The Hired Retainer proceeded in calm, even tones.

”We was talking there, ma'am, when Bob, what had followed me unknown, trotted in. When the cat ketched sight of 'im sniffing about, there was such a spitting and swearing as you never 'eard; and blowed,” said Mr.

Beale amusedly, ”blowed if the old cat didn't give one jump, and move in quick time up the chimney, where 'e now remains, paying no 'eed to the missis' attempts to get him down again.”

Sensation, as they say in the reports.

”But he'll be cooked,” cried Phyllis, open-eyed.

”No, he won't. Nor will our dinner. Mrs. Beale always lets the kitchen fire out during the afternoon. And how she's going to light it with that----”

There was a pause while one might count three. It was plain that the speaker was struggling with himself.

”--that cat,” he concluded safely, ”up the chimney? It's a cold dinner we'll get to-night, if that cat doesn't come down.”