Part 20 (2/2)
The next morning the alarm woke them long before either was ready to get out of bed. Regan was grumbling to herself when she shuffled into the bathroom, and Callie got up and started packing so they could stop and get a cup of coffee before they went to the airport.
When Regan came out of the bath, she stood in the doorway of the bedroom and seemed unusually unsure of herself. Callie looked up and saw her bloodshot eyes and the dark smudges under them. ”Are you okay?” She tried not to be too obvious about how bad Regan looked.
”No.” She walked over to the bed and sat down right next to Callie. ”I couldn't sleep. I...I want to make something clear,” she said, as Callie noticed her hands were shaking.
”About last night?”
Regan looked up, giving her a relieved gaze. ”Yeah. I want to explain, but I don't know how. I acted really impulsively and that's not like me. I just hope...”
Callie put a hand on her shoulder. ”I told you last night that it was fine. I meant that.”
”But I want to make sure you know...”
”I know you care about me, right?” Callie asked gently.
Regan's eyes closed and she looked terribly sad, like she would start crying at any second. ”Yeah.” Her voice was hoa.r.s.e and rough. ”Very much.”
”And you know how much I care about you too, right?”
A faint smile turned up the corners of her mouth. ”Yeah,” she nodded, looking down.
”But you're still grieving.” She squatted down so she was at eye-level with Regan and she stared deeply into her eyes. ”Our friends.h.i.+p has to come first, right?”
Regan looked like she wanted to say something, but she shook her head the faintest amount and returned Callie's gaze. ”Right.”
”And we both have to be ready, right?”
Now looking more sure, Regan nodded forcefully. ”Right. That's critical.” She stood up and put her hands on Callie's shoulders. ”I'll try to be the best friend you've ever had...I promise that.”
Chapter Eighteen.
Callie was on the phone with Terri during the entire drive from DFW airport to her apartment. She lost the signal for a few minutes, but called her back once she was in her room. ”So...I think I'm going to move there.”
”That's crazy! You moved to Dallas for Marina and now you're going to move to Boston for Regan. I hope you don't meet someone from Cuba. You can't legally move there, you know.”
”I moved to Dallas for Marina. That's the truth. But I'm moving to Boston for more than Regan. I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved it, Terri. You've been there...you know.”
”I liked it, but I didn't love it. It's too big of a city for me.”
”Ooo, not for me. We walked from one end to the other and it only took a couple of hours. It didn't seem that big to me. Not at all. And you can get by without a car. Try that in Phoenix.”
”You could do it. The Anasazi didn't have cars.” It was clear Terri was teasing, but Callie knew her friend would never share her need for lots of activities and changing weather.
”I'm going to do it, Ter. I should have done something like this years ago. Then I might have avoided wasting a year and a half of my life with Marina.”
”I wish you hadn't had that fiasco, but it let you know you could be with a woman.”
”I think I always knew that. But now I want to be with one. I want it so badly I can taste it.”
”But you don't know she wants the same thing. It'd probably be smarter to wait until she's ready to take that next step.”
”Maybe,” she agreed. ”But I've wasted too many years living someplace I didn't love. I can't let Regan decide where I live and when I live there. Besides, if I'm there, she'll slip again and next time she won't want to bail out. I'm certain of that.”
That night, Regan called, and Callie could tell she wasn't quite herself as soon as she said, ”h.e.l.lo.”
”Hi. Did you get a nap today?”
”No, I went in to work. Delaney needed a day off, and since she took up some of my slack this week, I thought I'd better return the favor.”
”You sound grouchy. Did you have a bad day?”
”No, it was fine. But there's something on my mind. It's been gnawing at me. I guess that makes me a little...off.”
”What is it?”
”It's...it's about what happened last night.”
”Hey,” Callie soothed. ”I promise you that was nothing to worry about.”
”I'm not worried,” she began, but stopped herself short. ”Maybe I am. I'm not real clear right now.”
”Tell me what's going on. Come on. You can tell me anything. Promise.”
Regan hesitated for a few seconds, then said, ”I really want you to move here. I know you'd love it, and I know I'd love to see you a lot more often. But I don't think it's a good idea to have you live with me.”
It felt as though she'd been kicked. Regan didn't sound cold, but her tone made clear that her mind was made up. It seemed impossible to talk without betraying her hurt, but she had to try. ”I don't have to come at all. Maybe it's best.”
”No, that's not it. I'd love to have you here. I just don't think living together is good.”
”Well, we don't live together now...so I guess we don't have to in Boston.” She was trying to sound lighthearted, but she was sure it wasn't working.
”I want to be clear about something. I'm not a person who says things just to make someone feel better. I try to be honest, even when I wish I didn't have to be. I truly want you to move here. I'm one hundred percent certain about that. I just think I need the experience of living alone. I don't like it, but I think it's good for me. I think it's helping me mature.”
”You're more mature than anyone I know. But I think you know yourself really well, and if you think you need this, you probably do.”
”I think I do. But that's obviously not the only reason. I really don't act impulsively very often, and what I did last night puzzles the heck out of me. I need to figure out what's going on in my head and I think that'd be hard for me with you right here. I promised you I wouldn't hurt you, and I have to live alone to make sure I can keep that promise.”
Callie felt an ache welling up in her chest. ”You're a good friend. I know it wasn't easy for you to tell me this, but I admire you for doing it.”
”I don't want you to admire me, I want you to believe me.”
Callie could feel the depth of Regan's sincerity and she found herself smiling when she said, ”I think I'll do both.”
Later that night Callie reached Terri after she'd gotten off work. After they'd talked for a long time Terri said, ”Tell me again what she said. Try to think of the exact words.”
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