Part 28 (2/2)

”Bauer,” she said.

Tanner nodded. ”Mrs. Bauer,” he said. ”But I love Shannon and we're going to do our best to have things work out.”

”She's my only grandchild,” my mother said, ”so I'm going to hold you to that.”

”I promise,” Tanner said, looking uncomfortable for the first time since his arrival.

”Where are you from originally, Tanner?” Ethan tried to s.h.i.+ft the conversation to something neutral.

”Southern California,” Tanner said. ”My family's still there.”

”How do they feel about...” I waved my hand through the air, encompa.s.sing both him and Shannon. ”About everything,” I said.

He hesitated. ”They're not happy about it,” he said, and I respected his honesty, ”but they'll accept Shannon. They'll love her once they meet her.”

Where would he and Shannon spend their vacations? I wondered. With his family or with hers? East Coast or West? Would I ever get to see my daughter?

”Shannon said you're working on your doctorate,” Lucy prompted him.

”Yes.” Tanner added a second slice of tomato to his burger. ”It's sort of my own independent study program. Part history, part social science.”

”Have you started your dissertation?” Lucy asked.

He nodded. ”It's on the children of Holocaust survivors meeting the children of n.a.z.i perpetrators. I'm half German and half Jewish, so the subject had a natural fascination for me.”

”Wow,” Lucy said, with genuine interest. ”How cool.” She engaged him in one of the intellectual, academic discussions that she adored, and her enthusiasm was matched by Tanner's. Ethan added his own contribution; he'd recently seen something about the children of the n.a.z.is on the History Channel, and my mother talked about a Holocaust survivor who was a regular customer at McDonald's. Shannon piped in from time to time, showing that she knew something about the topic herself and that their relations.h.i.+p was not not just about s.e.x. Why, oh why, couldn't he be a decade younger or Shannon a decade older? I would have felt so much better about the entire situation. just about s.e.x. Why, oh why, couldn't he be a decade younger or Shannon a decade older? I would have felt so much better about the entire situation.

I seemed to be the only person at the table who could think of nothing to say about Tanner's dissertation. My mind was elsewhere, and when there was a long enough lull in the conversation, I spoke up.

”Tanner,” I said, ”I think Shannon really needs to stay here at least until the baby is delivered and she has her feet on the ground and gets into the routine of caring for-”

”Mother.” Shannon nearly stabbed me with her eyes. ”We've already discussed this.” Shannon nearly stabbed me with her eyes. ”We've already discussed this.”

”I've got a doctor lined up for her, Mrs. Sellers,” Tanner said, wiping his lips with his napkin. ”I have some money put aside that will hold us until I'm out of school and teaching. We'll be okay. I know it's upsetting to you, and I was sort of upset, too, at first. I thought Shannon was a lot older when I met her. She looks older, she acts older. She's so intelligent and...” He looked at my daughter and smiled. ”She's amazing.”

Shannon smiled back, almost shyly. He was gaga over her, of that I was certain, but I didn't think he had a clue what he was getting himself into.

”Mom said your daughter got pregnant when she was my age, too,” Shannon said to Ethan.

I winced, but Ethan seemed undaunted.

”She did,” he said. ”She was sixteen, and her baby was adopted by a wonderful couple who couldn't have kids.”

”I don't think I could do that,” Shannon said.

”Well, her situation was different.” Ethan took a sip of his beer. ”She didn't have a real relations.h.i.+p with the boy. She'd been out with him a couple of times and on this particular occasion, he forced himself on her.”

”Date rape?” my mother asked, and I was surprised she even knew the term.

”Exactly,” Ethan said. ”Abby was afraid to tell us at first, but she did and we helped her press charges against the boy. He had to serve time and do some community service.”

”At least we don't have that problem,” Shannon said, for my benefit, I thought. See? See? she was saying. she was saying. Things could be worse. Things could be worse.

I liked what was happening. Not the topic of conversation, of course, but I liked the fact that we were sitting around like adults, talking. I liked that Shannon was, for the most part, not acting in an openly hostile way toward me. I knew now that I owed that to Lucy, that they'd been talking. I didn't know what Lucy had said to her, but I was grateful to her for saying it, whatever it was. I tried to look at Shannon in a new light, as an adult, but no matter how hard I tried, she still looked like a pregnant child to me.

The conversation continued through dessert, and only when we'd finished eating and everyone was helping me clear the table did I realize that my mother had grown very quiet. She hadn't said a word while we'd eaten our ice cream and cake.

I watched her as she stood at the counter, transferring the left-overs into plastic containers, and I leaned over to speak into her ear, ”Are you okay, Mom?” I asked.

She nodded. ”Beer makes me tired, though,” she said. ”I think I'll go home.”

She'd walked the two blocks to my house. It was still fairly light out, but I didn't want her walking home alone if she wasn't feeling well. I studied her color, which was her usual healthy olive tone, pink-tinged by her time in her garden.

”Why don't you take a nap here and one of us will drive you home later?” I suggested.

”All right,” she said, setting down the lid for the container she'd filled. I was surprised that she gave in to me without a fight.

”Bye, Nana!” Shannon, oblivious to the conversation, plowed between us to give her grandmother a hug. ”We've got to go.”

”Goodbye, darling,” my mother said, hugging Shannon tightly and kissing her cheek.

We all said goodbye to the couple, Lucy the only one able to muster up a sincere hug for Tanner, and once they were gone, I turned to my mother again.

”You can use my room,” I said. I was reminded of the other day when I'd told her about Ned's letter. She was behaving the same way now as she had then. ”Do you want me to come with you?” I offered.

My mother didn't respond. She stood in the middle of the kitchen, shaking her head slowly back and forth. She was actually scaring me.

”Mom?” I said, with enough concern in my voice that Lucy and Ethan turned to look at us.

”n.o.body said one word tonight about Shannon and her cello,” my mother said. There were tears in her eyes. ”As long as that girl's been able to speak, all she's ever cared about was music. And tonight it was like that part of her didn't exist.” She pointed toward the door through which Shannon and Tanner had made their exit. ”That boy cares about himself and his own...his n.a.z.i children, or whatever they are,” she said, waving a hand through the air. ”I bet he's never even asked to hear her play.”

Lucy tried to put an arm around her shoulders, but our mother brushed it away.

”I'm tired, Lucy,” she said. ”I'm going to take a nap. Then maybe later you could drive me home.”

”Of course,” Lucy said, dropping her arm to her side.

Ethan came to stand next to me, and we watched my mother disappear down the hallway.

”Whoa,” Lucy said. ”What's with her?”

I remembered Shannon as a little girl. She didn't want to listen to the funny little songs that other kids found entertaining. ”I wanna hear YoMaMa!” she'd say, cracking Glen and me up.

”She's right,” I said. ”No one said a word.”

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