Part 23 (1/2)

”How does she even know what she wants?” I asked. ”She's not thinking straight. None of this makes sense. Do you think Glen knows?”

”She told me she'd tell him after she told you, so I guess he will know very soon.”

”I suppose he and I should talk.”

”Good idea,” Lucy said, then added, ”I'm going to call Mom now. Will you be okay?”

”I don't know,” I said. ”I'll talk to you later.”

When I got off the phone with Lucy, I started to dial Glen's number, then hung up. I didn't feel like hearing his voice or listening to his controlled and inevitably dispa.s.sionate reaction to the fact of Shannon's pregnancy. I also didn't want to tell him the news through my filter. Let him get it from Shannon, the same way I did.

I lifted the receiver again and dialed Ethan's number. His was the one voice I did did want to hear. want to hear.

”Shannon is pregnant,” I announced when he answered the phone.

”Oh, no,” he said.

I told him the whole story, including Tanner's age and the potentially botched college plans and it felt wonderful to vent to someone who simply listened. He didn't speak again until I'd poured out every ounce of it.

”I know exactly how you feel,” he said then.

”You do?”

”Uh-huh,” he said. ”Abby got pregnant when she was sixteen. I don't think she'd mind me telling you that.”

”Oh, Ethan.” I felt empathy, both for him and from him. ”What did she do?” I asked.

”She placed the baby for adoption,” he said.

Adoption. Of course. That made the most sense. That was what Shannon should do. Of course. That made the most sense. That was what Shannon should do.

”Maybe Shannon would consider that,” I said.

”I bet Abby would be willing to talk to her about it, if you like,” he said. ”It was an open adoption situation, and I have to say, as terrible as the whole experience was-and it was very hard for all of us-it's turned out well. She has a relations.h.i.+p with her son, who's nearly ten now. I even get to see him once in a while. His parents are great people.”

I was thinking about Oberlin. She would still miss the fall starting date if she placed the baby for adoption. I wondered if she could go in the spring or would she have to wait until the following year?

”I'll talk to her about it,” I said, knowing the conversation would not be easy or welcome.

”I think you need me to come up there and give you a hug,” he said.

He was right. That was exactly what I needed.

”Could you come right now?” I asked, feeling a little brazen. I remembered him holding my hand on his thigh. I wanted him to do that again.

”How about Friday evening?”he asked. ”Can you wait that long?”

There was a hint of s.e.xual innuendo in his voice that both surprised and t.i.tillated me and, however briefly, made me forget about Shannon's dilemma.

”I'm not sure,” I said, ”but I'll try.”

I got off the phone and sat smiling for a moment. Amazing, I thought, that I could smile after a day like this one. I leaned my head back against the love seat and looked at my ceiling fan, which was spinning lazily. Could I do it? I wondered. Could I make love to Ethan? I rested my hand on my belly and felt my nipples harden at my own touch. Yes Yes, I thought, I could. I could.

I stood up and left the office, heading for my bedroom, remembering that long-ago priest telling me I must never never commit the grievous offense of masturbation. I laughed out loud as I walked into my bedroom. commit the grievous offense of masturbation. I laughed out loud as I walked into my bedroom. This afternoon This afternoon, I thought, I am going to sin. I am going to sin.

CHAPTER 28.

Maria.

The day after I received the news about Ned Chapman's letter to the police, Shannon showed up at Micky D's while I was working. I hadn't seen her since her graduation. She waved to me as she walked in the door and got in line. One look at her, and the suspicion that had formed in my mind at her graduation was confirmed: My seventeen-year-old granddaughter was pregnant.

I waited until she had gone through the line and taken a seat at a table before going over to her. I'd needed a few minutes to collect my wits.

”Hi, Nana.” She stood up to kiss my cheek and I sat down across from her, observing the Big Mac and milkshake on her tray.

”You know, Shannon,” I said. ”That food is not good for your baby.”

Her eyes flew open wide. ”Did Mom tell you?” she asked.

I wondered how long Julie had known and how long she'd planned to keep the news from me. I supposed she'd wanted to drop one bombsh.e.l.l on me at a time.

”I'm old, Shannon, but I'm not stupid,” I said. ”I know a pregnant woman-a pregnant girl girl-when I see one.”

She looked down at her Big Mac, peeking under the bun as though studying the meat for doneness, and I figured she was waiting for me to chew her out. She was afraid, and my heart broke a little for her. I made a quick decision to be a better grandmother than I had been a mother.

”How did your mother take the news?” I asked.

”Like you'd expect,” she said, rolling her eyes. ”Like my life is over. Ruined forever. She's so-” She cut off her own sentence, looking away from me. ”All she cares about is my music career. She doesn't really care about what I want.”

She took a bite of her hamburger, looking around the restaurant instead of at me. The way she talked about her mother sometimes, you would think she hated her. Shannon reminded me so much of Isabel in the early sixties, while Julie reminded me of myself during that same time period. I could see my mistakes being played out all over again.

”When did you tell her?” I asked.

She swallowed her bite of hamburger. ”Yesterday,” she said.

”And your father?”

”I told him last night.” She shook her head. ”You know Dad,” she said. ”He said 'Oh, Shannon,' and that was it. At least Mom yelled. Dad just...he can be so totally lame sometimes.”

”I bet it wasn't easy telling them, huh?” I asked.

Her eyes filled suddenly, and she went from hardened young woman to scared little girl. I handed her a napkin, but she only clutched it in her hand as a tear fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek.

”Who is the boy?” I asked.

A light came into her eyes, the first glint of joy I'd seen since she walked into the restaurant. She told me his name was Tanner, that he lived in Colorado, and that she planned to move out there with him. That nearly stopped my heart. Please, no Please, no, I thought. It was bad enough she'd been planning to go away to college. I wanted my granddaughter in my life. I loved when she stopped by McDonald's just to say h.e.l.lo. How many more years did I have? If she moved across the country, when would I ever get to see her? But I quickly got a grip on myself.