Part 11 (1/2)

”Hey, Ethan,” I called.

He looked up, the sun reflecting off his gla.s.ses so that I couldn't see his eyes.

”You want this sea robin?” I held my pole in the air, the fish flapping its tail and winglike fins.

”Keen!” Ethan said. He picked up a blue bucket from the sand and walked over to where Grandpop and I were standing.

”You have to take it off the hook,” I said.

”Okay.” Ethan seemed undeterred. He took the rag I'd stuck in the chain-link fence, grasped the fish with it, and extracted the hook with an ease I couldn't help but admire. He looked at me, grinning as though I'd given him a chocolate bar. ”Thanks,” he said. He dropped the fish in his bucket and walked back to his yard.

Grandpop and I began fis.h.i.+ng again. We were tired of standing, though, so we pulled two of the Adirondack chairs close to the fence and sat down. I put my bare feet against the fence and slumped down into the chair, feeling very comfortable and at peace with the world.

”Looks like we're on the wrong side of the ca.n.a.l,” Grandpop said after a while.

”What do you mean?” I followed his focus across the ca.n.a.l to where the colored people were fis.h.i.+ng.

”I've seen them reel in a few keepers over there,” he said.

”Oh, they're probably just catching blowfish, too,” I said. ”Daddy said colored people eat them 'cause they don't know any better.”

My grandfather stared straight ahead, not speaking for a minute. ”Charles said that, huh?” he asked finally.

I nodded. ”He said they're not as smart as us. And they're poor, so they have to eat whatever they can.”

There was a long silence that I didn't recognize as anything out of the ordinary until Grandpop spoke again.

”Did it ever occur to you that, if they do do eat blowfish, which I doubt, it might be because they're actually eat blowfish, which I doubt, it might be because they're actually smarter smarter than we are? Maybe they know how to avoid the poisonous part. Maybe we're the stupid, wasteful ones.” than we are? Maybe they know how to avoid the poisonous part. Maybe we're the stupid, wasteful ones.”

There was a serious tone in his voice that was rare for my grandfather. ”I don't think Daddy would agree with that,” I said.

”Did you know that I lived in Mississippi until I was your age?” Grandpop asked me.

”I thought you grew up in Westfield,” I said.

”I didn't move to New Jersey until I was fourteen,” he said. ”When I was a boy, we lived with my mother's family in Mississippi. We had a housekeeper and she had a son my age. He was my best friend. Willie was his name, and he was colored.”

”Your best friend?” I said, amazed. I couldn't imagine it. I had never even spoken to a colored person.

Grandpop nodded, smiling. ”Willie and I had some good times together,” he said. ”We lived near a lake and we'd fish and swim and explore. But he couldn't go to my school because of segregation.”

I nodded. I knew what segregation was, even though it was easy not to think about it in Westfield, since every single person I knew there was white.

”His school was far inferior to mine,” Grandpop said. ”Willie was just as smart as me-smarter in some things-but he didn't have a chance. And here's the worst thing.” He shook his head and I leaned closer to his chair, wanting to catch every word of the ”worst thing.”

”One time he and I went into the town near our houses. We were only eight or nine and we decided we wanted to buy some candy. But coloreds weren't allowed in the store.”

”That doesn't seem fair,” I said.

”Of course it's not fair,” Grandpop agreed. ”So I went in the store-it was a general store, I guess you'd call it. And I bought a bag of candy for a few cents and took it outside and Willie and I sat on the curb and ate it. Then he had to go to the bathroom really bad. The store had a privy behind it. An outhouse. But there was a sign on it that said No Coloreds, so Willie couldn't use it. So, I went into the store and asked the lady at the counter if she would make an exception, since he was just a kid and had to go real bad, but she wouldn't allow it. We went to another store, and they wouldn't let him use their privy either. He ended up wetting his pants.”

”Oh,” I said, feeling sorry for Grandpop's little friend.

”And then a man came and started smacking Willie around, calling him names, saying that's why...” Grandpop hesitated a moment and I had the feeling he was going to clean up the man's language for my ears. ”He said that's why Negroes weren't allowed in nice places, because they soiled themselves and such.You can just imagine how humiliating that experience was for Willie.”

It was an awful tale. I thought about how it would feel to be prohibited from entering the little corner store where I rode my bike to buy penny candy. I imagined a sign on the door that read No White Children Allowed. I imagined feeling desperate to pee and not being allowed in.

But I felt uncomfortable about the conversation, because Grandpop was telling me-not straight out, but he was telling me just the same-that my father was wrong. That he was prejudiced. My father was such a good and admirable person. It was hard for me to reconcile the man I loved and respected with a bigot.

”Dad wouldn't ever...you know, tell a little boy who needed to use the bathroom that he couldn't,” I said, desperately wanting my grandfather to agree with me.

Grandpop smiled at me. ”You're right about that,” he said. ”Your daddy's a fair man. But he's really had no experience with colored people, so he just doesn't know any better than to say what he said. People are prejudiced mostly because they don't know any better.”

I felt relieved. For a minute, I'd been afraid that Grandpop didn't like my father.

”Do you know that a lot of people thought your grandmother wasn't as good as they were when she was growing up here in New Jersey?” he asked. ”They thought she was stupid.”

”Why?” I asked, perplexed. ”She's not colored.”

”She's Italian. She didn't speak perfect English. To some people, that's considered even worse than being colored.”

I thought I was lucky to have an Italian grandmother. She was sweet to my friends and she cooked fantastic lasagna and made cookies at Christmastime with almond flavoring or rose water. It was hard to imagine anyone not loving her.

I suddenly got another tug on my line, this one nearly pulling the pole out of my hands. Grandpop tucked his pole beneath his chair to hold it in place and came over to help me.

”You've got a good one this time, Julie,” he said.

He held the pole as steady as he could while I reeled in the biggest fluke I had ever seen come out of the ca.n.a.l. I was whooping and hollering, jumping up and down as the fish sprang out of the water and we pulled it over the fence and onto the sand. It flopped from its flat, brown, two-eyed side to its white side and back again, and Grandma and Mom came out of the house to see what the fuss was all about. Lucy came out, too, but hung back near the porch door, afraid of the fish or the hook or the water. It was anyone's guess.

Mom and Grandma watched as Grandpop held the fluke and I carefully extracted the hook.

”He's a beaut,” my mother said.

”You win, Julie,” Grandpop said, as I dropped the fish into our bucket. It was nearly too big to fit. ”I'm going to go clean it right this minute.” That was the loser's task, to clean the catch.

I felt satisfied with myself as I watched my grandparents and mother walk back toward the house, but all of a sudden, I sensed a presence behind me. I turned and there stood Ethan, just a few feet away from me.

”That's the most gargantuan fluke I've ever seen,” he said. ”Can I have its guts?”

The next morning, I was sitting on the bulkhead, using binoculars to watch the boats bobbing and weaving in the rough water beneath the Lovelandtown Bridge. Grandpop had not only cleaned what he continually referred to as the ”biggest fluke ever caught in the Intercoastal Waterway,” but he gave me a pair of binoculars, as well.

”I've been saving them to give you for a special occasion,” he said. ”But I think catching that fish was pretty special.”

I guessed it was my conversation with Grandpop that made me turn the binoculars on the colored fishermen across the ca.n.a.l. That's when I saw the girl. She was standing close to the dock that separated the fis.h.i.+ng area from the Rooster Man's shack, and she was bending over, doing something with her pole, baiting the hook, perhaps. How old was she? I studied her hard, turning the little dial on the binoculars to try to bring her into better focus. I couldn't see what she looked like very well, but she was my age, I felt sure of it.

I went into the garage and grabbed my fis.h.i.+ng pole and bait knife, took one of the boxes of squid out of the refrigerator, hopped in the runabout and motored across the ca.n.a.l before I had a chance to think about what I was doing. I pulled into the dock near the girl. I felt nervous, but a little excited, too. Maybe she would have a sense of adventure. Maybe she could become my friend, the way Willie had been my grandfather's friend. I was so tired of being by myself.

I tied the runabout to the ladder at the side of the dock, then climbed up to the bulkhead with my pole and my bucket, the binoculars still around my neck. There were six people all together. Near me were my hoped-for future friend, an older boy, a woman-probably their mother-and a distance away, three men. Every one of them turned to stare at me. All those black faces. I felt like I'd gotten out of my boat in Africa. I had never felt so white and out of place in all my life.

I had to force my legs to take the few steps to where the girl was standing.