Part 68 (1/2)

My next lecture is to take place in Cleveland, Ohio The all-night ride in the stuffy se

I arrive in the city feeling feverish and sick To engage a room in a hotel would require an extra expense from the proceeds of the tour, which are intended for the movement; moreover, it would be sybaritism, contrary to the traditional practice of Anarchist lecturers I decide to accept the hospitality of so my stay in the city

For hours I try to locate the cos At his home I am told that he is absent His parents, pious Jews, look at me askance, and refuse to inform me of their son's whereabouts The unfriendly attitude of the old folks drives ain, and I seek out another coaze is e; their questions idle My pulse is feverish, my head heavy I should like to rest up before the lecture, but a constant streas with their joy ofwearies me; their ardent interest searches my soul with rude hands These men and women--they, too, are different froe echoes the spirit that has so depressed ht appallsheart I ascend the platfore hall, sparsely filled and badly lit, breathes the cold of the grave upon me The audience is unresponsive The lecture on Cri, wakes no vital chord I feel dispirited My voice is weak and expressionless; at times it drops to a hoarse whisper I see is dark within I speak into the blackness; ainst the walls, and are thrown back atemphasis A sense of weariness and hopelessness possesses me, and I conclude the lecture abruptly

The corasp my hand, and ply me with questions about my prison life, the joy of liberty and of work They are undisguisedly disappointed at my anxiety to retire, but presently it is decided that I should accept the proffered hospitality of a coe house in the suburbs

The ride is inter several miles out in the country On the way he talks incessantly, assuring e to entertain e, but squalid The low ceilings press down on my head; the rooms look cheerless and uninhabited

Exhausted by the day's exertion, I fall into heavy sleep

Awakening in the er in my bed

His coat and hat are on the floor, and he lies snoring at my side, with overshi+rt and trousers on Hethe large cuffs, torn and soiled, that rattle on his hands

The sight fills h the years of hts had been passed in absolute solitude The presence of another inI dress hurriedly, and rush out of the house

A heavy drizzle is falling; the air is close and daht possessesinats, out into the open, away fro repels me, the sound of a voice is torture to me I want to be alone, always alone, to have peace and quiet, to lead a simple life in close communion with nature Ah, nature!

That, too, I have tried, and found more impossible even than the turmoil of the city The silence of the woods threatened to drive eon A curse upon the thing that has incapacitated me for life, made solitude as hateful as the face of man, made life itself impossible to me! And is it for this I have yearned and suffered, for this spectre that haunts htmare--this distortion, Life? Oh, where is the joy of expectation, the tre the blush of the dawn, the day of resurrection! Where the happy ht of ive me back to work and joy! Where, where is it all? Is liberty sweet only in the anticipation, and life a bitter awakening?

The rain has ceased The sun peeps through the clouds, and glints its rays upon a shopMy eye falls on the glea barrel of a revolver I enter the place, and purchase the weapon

I walk aiain; my body is chilled to the bone, and I seek the shelter of a saloon on an obscure street

In the corner of the dingy back rooentility about her, that is somewhat marred by her quick, restless look

We sit in silence, watching the heavy downpour outdoors The girl is toying with a glass of whiskey

Angry voices reach us fro of feet, and a suppressed cry A woainst a table

The girl rushes to the side of the woe?” she asks sympathetically

The woman looks up at her with bleary eyes She raises her hand, passes it slowly across her mouth, and spits violently

”He hit me, the dirty brute,” she whiive hiirl is tenderly wiping her friend's bleeding face ”Sh-sh, Madge, sh--sh!+” she warns her, with a glance at the approaching waiter