Part 1 (2/2)
Moreover, since I am now brought before the public under circ.u.mstances in which reserve on my part would be no better than affectation, I would also advertise my indulgent reader of the fact that I belong to the Quodlibetarian New-Light Club, whereof I some time officiated as Secretary, and which club generally meets on Sat.u.r.day night at Ferret's; that the members of the same, noting my staidness of deportment and the careful deliberation with which I guard myself in the utterance of any discourse, do frequent honor to the temperance of my judgment by making me the arbiter of such casual controversies as arise therein, touching the true import and application of the principles of our New-Light Democracy; and--if I run no risk of being charged with offering a trivial evidence of the reputation I have earned in the club--I would also mention, that some of our light wags have gone so far--facetiously and with a commendable good nature, knowing that I would not take it ill, as more peevish men might, in their jocular pleasantry--as to call me, in allusion to my natural sedateness, SOBER SECONDTHOUGHTS:--the rogues!
And now, amiable and considerate reader, you have ”ab imo pectore” my honest avouch for what I propose to lay before you, and a plain confession of my weaknesses. I come with a clean breast to the confessional. We shall have a frugal banquet of it, but the fruits, I make bold to promise, shall be wholesome and of the best. Now turn we to it in good earnest. If this little chronicle--for my book shall not be overgrown and apoplectic, but rather, as you shall find it, ”garrulous and thin”--do not bring you to a profound sense of the value of this Amaranth of Republicanism, the New-Light Quodlibetarian Democracy, then say it to my teeth, there is no virtue in SOBER SECONDTHOUGHTS. Go thy ways--”The wise man's eyes are in his head, but the fool walketh in darkness.”
S. S., SCHOOLMASTER.
INTERLOCUTORS, ACTORS, AND OTHERS NOTED IN THIS HISTORY.
NEW-LIGHT QUODLIBETARIAN DEMOCRATS.
THE HON. MIDDLETON FLAM.--Head of the New Lights, Representative of the district in Congress, President of the Copperplate Bank, intimate with the Secretary of the Treasury, an orator, a philosopher, and a man of large estate.
NICODEMUS HANDY.--Projector of the Copperplate Bank, Cas.h.i.+er of the same, and some time second in command of the New Lights.
SIMON SNUFFERS.--Superintendent of the Hay Scales, and President of the New-Light Club.
NATHANIEL DOUBLEDAY.--Clerk of the Court and Vice of the Club.
S. S.--Author and Editor of this History, Princ.i.p.al of the District School, honorary member of several literary societies, and Secretary no less to the New-Light Club than to the Grand Central Committee of Unflinching New-Light Quodlibetarian Democrats--_quorum magna pars fui_.
AGAMEMNON FLAG.--Attorney-at-Law, formerly of Bickerbray. At one time the Regular Nomination Candidate. Disposed to be in love with Miss Handy.
JACOB BARNDOLLAR.--Son-in-law of Jesse Ferret--of the firm of Barndollar & Hardbottle, Forwarding and Commission Merchants.
ANTHONY HARDBOTTLE.--Counterpart in said Firm. Elected President of the bank upon the resignation of Mr. Flam.
ZACHARY YOUNGHUSBAND.--Postmaster of _Quodlibet_, Tin-plate worker, and member of the Grand Central Committee.
THEODORE FOG.--Attorney-at-Law. At one time Director of the bank, but compelled to resign on account of his habits. Independent candidate against Agamemnon Flag--member of the Legislature--a distinguished popular orator, and original founder of that branch of the New Lights known by the name of the True Grits.
DR. THOMAS G. WINKELMAN.--Druggist, and soda-water pavilion keeper, physician in ordinary to the True Grits, and a man of great influence in that sect. Coroner of the county, contractor for the supply of medicines to the Almshouse, and ready to take any other office which might be vacant.
NIMROD PORTER.--Bar-keeper at The Hero, fond of betting, famous for trotting horses. A True Grit, but well inclined to the Mandarins.
ELIPHALET FOX.--Formerly editor of ”The Gabwrangle Grimalkin,” but, through the influence of Mr. Flam, transferred to ”The Quodlibet Whole Hog,”--an expectant of the Marshal's place, but disappointed.
The Orderly of the True Grits.
_True Grits Rank and File._
DABBS.--His Compositor.
NEAL HOPPER.--The Miller in Christy M'Curdy's mill.
SAMUEL PIVOT.--The County a.s.sessor.
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