Part 18 (1/2)
”I am so glad,” said Jane in a low voice; and indeed she was glad that the two had ”made friends.”
But again she was touched with vague discomfort, again she shrank, when Mrs. Maule, leading her back into the room, rained eager, insistent questions on her----
”Do tell me all about it! How did it all begin? How did you ever come to know each other so well before he went away? What made him first write to you? Were they love letters, Jane? Come, of course you must know whether they were love letters or not! You're not so simple as all that comes to--no woman ever is!”
But at last, driven at bay, her heart bruised by the other's indelicate curiosity, Jane said slowly, ”I dare say I'm foolish--but I would rather not talk about it, Athena.”
A look of deep offence pa.s.sed over Mrs. Maule's face. Later on--much later on--Jane wondered whether she had been wrong in saying those few words--words said feelingly, apologetically.
”Of course we won't speak of your engagement if you would rather not.
I'm sorry. I had no idea you would mind. I must go and dress now. But just one word more, Jane. Of course you and General Lingard will like to be a good deal alone together--I'll give d.i.c.k a hint.”
”No, no!” cried Jane. ”Please don't do that, Athena. I don't want anything of the sort said to d.i.c.k.”
But Mrs. Maule went on as if she had not heard the other's words, ”And you can always sit together in my boudoir. Mrs. Pache was saying to-day that it was a pity I didn't use the drawing-room more than I do. She thought--it was so like an Englishwoman to say so--that it smelt damp!”
”As if we should think of turning you out of your own room! How can you imagine such a thing? I don't want you to make the slightest difference while I'm here. Hew and I will have plenty of opportunities of seeing one another when we get back to London. Please don't speak to d.i.c.k--I should be very, very sorry if you spoke to d.i.c.k, Athena.”
CHAPTER XI
”Tu peux connaitre le monde, tu peux lire a livre ouvert dans les plus caverneuses consciences, mais tu ne liras jamais, oh! pauvre femme, le coeur de ton ami.”
And then there came a short sequence of days, full of deep calm without, full of strife and disturbance within.
Jane was ailing, and each day she fought with the knowledge of what ailed her as certain strong natures fight, and even for a while keep at bay, physical disease.
But there came a moment when she had to face the truth; when she had to tell herself that the new, the agonising pain which racked her soul night and day, leaving her no moment of peace, was that base pa.s.sion, jealousy.
It was horrible to feel that it was of Athena she was jealous--Athena who seemed to be always there, between Lingard and herself. She could not think so ill of her friend as to suppose that this was Mrs. Maule's fault; still less would she accuse Lingard.
Gradually the knowledge had come to her that when they three were together--Athena, Jane, and Lingard--it was as if she, Jane, was not, so entirely was Lingard absorbed in, possessed by, Athena.
Jane Oglander could not fight with the weapons another woman in her place might have used. She could not, that is, make the most of such odd moments, of such scanty opportunities as she might have s.n.a.t.c.hed from Athena Maule. How could the trifling events which made up the sum of five or six days have brought about such a change?
She had thought to be so happy at Rede Place. She had come there filled with a sense of tremulous and yet certain gladness; in the mood to be sought by, rather than in that which seeks, the beloved. Athena, Richard, and d.i.c.k, if they did not love each other, surely each loved her sufficiently to understand, to respect her joy.
The circ.u.mstances of her brother's death which had fallen like a pall on her young life had set Jane Oglander apart from happy, normal women. To her the world had only contained one lover--Hew Lingard; and those days they had spent together in a peopled solitude had taught her all she knew of the ways of love.
It was instinct which had made her shrink, that first night of her stay at Rede Place, from Athena's insistent questioning; natural delicacy which had made her refuse, almost with disgust, the suggestion that she and Lingard should be set apart in an artificial solitude. As yet their engagement was secret from the world which seemed to take so great, so--so impertinent an interest in Hew Lingard, and she wished to keep it so as long as possible.
Then there was another reason, one which she now told herself Athena should have divined, why Jane wished little notice to be taken of her engagement. She had no wish to flaunt her happiness before d.i.c.k Wantele.
But now there was no happiness to flaunt--in its place only a dumb misery and a jealousy of which she felt an agonising shame.
To Jane Oglander it was as if another ent.i.ty had entered Hew Lingard's bodily shape--the bodily shape that was alas! so terribly dear to her.
Lingard was not unkind, he was ever careful of her comfort in all little ways, but when they were alone together--and this happened strangely seldom--he would fall into long silences, as if unaware that she, his love, was there.