Part 52 (1/2)
”I really can't tell what your Ladys.h.i.+p means,” said the Doctor impatiently.
”I mean, for example, the love one may feel towards a turtle, such as we had lately.”
”That's quite a different thing,” interrupted the Doctor.
”Pardon me, but whatever the consequence may be, the effects in both cases were very similar, as exemplified in yourself. Pray, what difference did it make to your friends, who were deprived of your society, whether you spent your time in walking with 'even step, and musing gait,' before your Dulcinea's window or the turtle's cistern?--whether you were engrossed in composing a sonnet to your mistress's eyebrow, or in contriving a new method of heightening the enjoyments of _calipash?_ --whether you expatiated with greater rapture on the charms of a white skin or green fat?--whether you were most devoted to a languis.h.i.+ng or a lively beauty?--whether----”
”'Pon my honour, Lady Emily, I really--I--I can't conceive what it is you mean. There's a time for everything; and I'm sure n.o.body but yourself would ever have thought of bringing in a turtle to a conversation upon marriage.”
”On the contrary, Doctor, I thought it had been upon love; and I was endeavouring to convince you that even the wisest of men may be susceptible of certain tender emotions towards a beloved object.”
”You'll never convince me that any but a fool can be in love,” cried the Doctor, his visage a.s.suming a darker purple as the argument advanced.
”Then you must rank Lord Glenallan, with his five and twenty thousand a year, amongst the number, for he is desperately in love, I a.s.sure you.”
”As to that, Lord Glenallan, or any man with his fortune, may be whatever he chooses. He has a right to be in love. He can afford to be in love.”
”I have heard much of the torments of love,” said Lady Emily; ”but I never heard it rated as a luxury before. I hope there is no chance of your being made Premier, otherwise I fear we should have a tax upon love-marriages immediately.”
”It would be greatly for the advantage of the nation, as well as the comfort of individuals, if there was,” returned the Doctor. ”Many a pleasant fellow has been lost to society by what you call a love-marriage. I speak from experience. I was obliged to drop the oldest friend I had upon his making one of your love-marriages.”
”What! you were afraid of the effects of evil example?” asked Lady Emily.
”No--it was not for that; but he asked me to take a family dinner with him one day, and I, without knowing anything of the character of the woman he had married, was weak enough to go. I found a very so-so tablecloth and a shoulder of mutton, which ended our acquaintance. I never entered his door after it. In fact, no man's happiness is proof against dirty tablecloths and bad dinners; and you may take my word for it, Lady Emily, these are the invariable accompaniments of your love-marriages.”
”Pshaw! that is only amongst the _bourgeois,”_ said Lady Emily affectedly; ”that is not the sort of _menage_ I mean to have.
Here is to be the style of my domestic establishment;” and she repeated Shenstone's beautiful pastoral--
”My banks they are furnished with bees,” etc.,
till she came to--
”I have found out a gift for my fair, I have found where the wood-pigeons breed.”
”There's some sense in that,” cried the Doctor, who had been listening with great weariness.” You may have a good pigeon-pie, or _un saute de pigeons au sang,_ which is still better when well dressed.”
”Shocking!” exclaimed Lady Emily; ”to mention pigeon-pies in the same breath with nightingales and roses!”
”I'll tell you what, Lady Emily, it's just these sort of nonsensical descriptions that do all the mischief amongst you young ladies. It's these confounded poets that turn all your heads, and make you think you have nothing to do after you are married but sit beside fountains and grottoes, and divert yourself with birds and flowers, instead of looking after your servants, and paying your butcher's bills; and, after all, what is the substance of that trash you have just been reading, but to say that the man was a substantial farmer and grazier, and had bees; though I never heard of any man in his senses going to sleep amongst his beehives before. 'Pon my soul! if I had my will I would burn every line of poetry that ever was written. A good recipe for a pudding is worth all that your Shenstones and the whole set of them ever wrote; and there's more good sense and useful information in this book”--rapping his knuckles against a volume he held in his hand--”than in all your poets, ancient and modern.”
Lady Emily took it out of his hand and opened it.
”And some very poetical description, too, Doctor; although you affect to despise it so much. Here is an eulogium on the partridge. I doubt much if St. Preux ever made a finer on his adorable Julie;” and she read as follows:--
”La Perdrix tient Ie premier rang apres la Beca.s.se, dans la cathegorie des gibiers a plumes. C'est, lorsqu'elle est rouge, l'un des plus honorables et desmeilleurs rotis qui puissent etre etales sur une table gourmande. Sa forme appetissante, sa taille elegante et svelte, quoiqu'
arrondie, son embonpoint modere, ses jambes d'ecarlate; enfin, son fumet divin et ses qualites restaurantes, tout concourt a la faire rechercher des vrais amateurs. D'autres gibiers sont plus rares, plus chers, mieux accueillis par la vanite, le prejuge, et la mode; la Perdrix rouge, belle de sa propre beaute, dont les qualites sont independantes de la fantaisie, qui reunit en sa personne tout ce qui peut charmer les yeux, delecter Ie palais, stimuler l'appet.i.t, et ranimer les forces, plaira dans-tous les temps, et concourra a l'honneur de tous les festins, sous quelque forme qu'elle y paroisse.” [1]